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Reception class bully

(23 Posts)
SeahorsesSwim Mon 09-Jan-17 23:31:01

Dd is in reception and enjoys class time but has become frightened of break times. Over the past week I've found out a very confident boy has been pushing her around, getting in her face and gave her a bruise. He also glares at her apparently. She's too scared to tell a teacher but has reluctantly confided in me (her mum).

I'm going to discuss with her teacher but as I'm new to this what should I expect? Is it considered a complaint to be logged by the school? Will they agree to supervise bullying child more at breaktimes?

I want to nip it in the bud.

Embolio Mon 16-Jan-17 08:06:18

I'm in a similar position with my 4 year old, except he's told me it's a child in P2 (year 1) that has been finding him and hurting him at break time. Hoping to speak to the teacher today. I'm absolutely hopping mad on the inside but trying to dial it back and not over react. It's so horrible.

meditrina Mon 16-Jan-17 08:11:27

You should expect the teacher to listen carefully, so you can be confident they understand your concerns.

You need to be as detailed as possible (so add how long it's been going on for)

But it is extremely unlikely that the teacher will undertake to do anything other than monitor, because what they need to do first is see what is happening. Only then they can decide which behaviour management techniques to use.

And try not to worry. Reception DC are very young and much bad behaviour is only of brief duration and it's far from inevitable it will become settled bullying.

GraceGrape Mon 16-Jan-17 08:12:04

I wouldn't consider it a complaint, although you can keep your own personal record if you have reason to believe it won't be dealt with. First thing to do is talk to the teacher as you've planned. They can't do anything about the situation if they don't know about it. Keeping a closer eye should resolve this situation. If things don't improve, get a second meeting with the teacher and look at the school's anti-bullying policy.

Umme14 Sat 21-Jan-17 13:05:09

I would say talk to the teacher about the issue that is going on and ask them if they see anything going on between them about this because if this does continue then there is a risk of bullying to continue. Keep asking the kids about what is happening in class and break time. The child might be alone and no one to go to so then there would be an issue. however, I do agree with Grace keep a close eye and see if The teachers resolve anything I would say try and get a second meeting with the head teacher and see what is going on. The head teacher must be helpful and hopefully this bullying will stop eventually.
hope it helped.

MiaowTheCat Tue 07-Mar-17 10:04:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leftatthecorner Tue 07-Mar-17 10:07:57

Reception Class Bully is an oxymoron! They are TEENY children and learn what is and isnt appropriate behaviour at different rates. Speak to school amd ask them to supervise him better, but dont frame his behavioyr as bullying!shock

MiaowTheCat Tue 07-Mar-17 16:16:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolomanDaisy Tue 07-Mar-17 16:21:37

It's not really helpful to label tiny 4 and 5 year-olds as bullies. They're all going through a difficult period of social adjustment and some of them will need support. I think every child in my DS's class has had a period of needing a bit of help to behave appropriately. I hope this boy settles down and your DD is ok.

Oblomov17 Tue 07-Mar-17 16:27:32

I don't like to refer to it as bullying either. It children do young. Bullying to me means intent. It may be. He could be a nasty piece of work. But it's more likely he is very strong, very rough and wants friends. Badly. But is approaching it all wrong.

jamont0ast Tue 07-Mar-17 16:29:19

It's not really helpful to label tiny 4 and 5 year-olds as bullies. They're all going through a difficult period of social adjustment and some of them will need support.

Reception Class Bully is an oxymoron! They are TEENY children and learn what is and isnt appropriate behaviour at different rates. Speak to school amd ask them to supervise him better, but dont frame his behavioyr as bullying!

hmmhmm

It is bullying behaviour. Lashing out at another child so they bruise, and intimidating them to the point that they are frightened at break time, is bullying no matter what age. They need to know bullies are not nice people and nip it in the bus, not pussy foot around them like precious little snowflakes. They are making another child's like unhappy and hat isn't ok. Obviously it will be handled in an age appropriate way, so different than a 10 year old, but it is still bullying.

Op - In the first instance staff should absolutely keep an eye on the situation and ensure the child is warned if they are caught doing anything unkind, and tell them to stop it.

Leftatthecorner Tue 07-Mar-17 16:34:01

MiowTheCat if a little child is acting out like that and saying such things, it is highly likely that someone else is doing that to him.sad

It is really important to look behind the behaviour, not frame it up as a choice.

Leftatthecorner Tue 07-Mar-17 16:38:25

Jamont, that is nonsense. Bullying is a calculated thing which tiny children simply arent capable of. There is something going on for him to make him behave this way, and it is really simplistic and misguided to think otherwise!

He is no more a "bully" than the two year old who shouted at my 10 month old baby because he took her toy!

triedandrusted Tue 07-Mar-17 16:49:21

It's interesting these days that we have taken such a stance against 'bullying' that it has become a word that is almost too strong to use. I work in a secondary school and last year we had an incident where a pair of girls were indeed 'bullying' another (whispering, snide remarks, walking away when she came near them, calling other students over to them if the other students were talking to this girl, holding their noses when this girl was near etc etc) but when the older brother of the bullied girl accused them of being bullies, we got a very upset email from the parents of the bullies who said 'how dare he use the term bully, does he not realise how strong that accusation is, and he should be disciplined for name-calling'!! What other word was there?

We have had other incidents like this where it seems we can no longer use the word 'bullying'. But that is what it is - particularly when it is sustained and they are singling out a particular child.

WaitrosePigeon Tue 07-Mar-17 16:51:53

Reception Class Bully is an oxymoron!

Bollocks. The nasty bully in my sons reception class ended up being expelled last year in Yr2. Vile creature it was.

Speak to the school and make sure you record daily everything that happens. Dates/times etc. They can't ignore that.

jamont0ast Tue 07-Mar-17 16:54:27

But if it is not handled appropriately and they are not taught that behaviour is wrong, it is more likely to turn into 'calculated' bullying behaviour.
If they are unhappy, they get to make somebody else unhappy?
Of course they may be underlying reasons for the behaviour, but that doesn't take away what they are doing is very unkind.

Banderchang Tue 07-Mar-17 16:56:45

Totally disagree that reception children are too young to bully. My DS was tormented in reception by a child in his class who had deliberate and malicious intent. I had to speak to the teacher referencing the school's anti bullying policy and he definitely met the definition of bullying.

SolomanDaisy Tue 07-Mar-17 17:20:51

If you can refer to a very young child as a 'vile thing' and 'it' then you have quite a problem yourself.

And of course saying 4 and 5 year-olds aren't bullies doesn't mean letting the behaviour continue. They need to be taught that the behaviour is wrong, not that they are vile things. That's the way to turn them into bullies as they get older. Five year-olds don't have much empathy or even theory of mind. They need help with this stuff.

WaitrosePigeon Tue 07-Mar-17 17:23:31

I am happy to for you to assume anything you like about me, words on a screen innit.

Good luck OP, please keep us updated!

Oblomov17 Tue 07-Mar-17 18:26:08

If its calculated, deliberate and with intent, then it's bullying.

So those secondary school girls, mentioned by pp, it was definitely bullying.

Moreisnnogedag Tue 07-Mar-17 18:33:47

My ds' teacher was excellent when another boy was being too rough for him (and that's saying something!). Listened and separated as needed.

I'm not one for 'special snowflaking' but to call a year 2 a vile thing is appalling. Without a doubt he may have really hurt other children but his behaviour would have been modelled and that is not his fault. He needed help not expulsion.

Gizlotsmum Tue 07-Mar-17 18:38:35

Talk to the teacher. My reception child has no concept of personal space, he is loud but would never deliberately hurt someone. He hugs everyone and gives them kisses but doesn't understand that some people might not like it and as much as we tell him EVERY time to be gentle, ask first, he still has not concept of giving people space... so def have a word and the teacher should take you seriously but hopefully it's just a child learning appropriate social skills rather than bullying. But bullying can happen at reception age...

smilingsarahb Tue 07-Mar-17 18:46:30

Talk to the teacher and make a note of the conversation at the meeting ask for a copy of the anti bullying policy.
You can expect them to monitor what is going on for a few days as they do need to see what is going on (and there may be a slightly different version of events) I would expect them to be pretty non committal at the first meeting as it sounds like your child hasn't told them so they will want to fact check.
They might do a general class chat about being kind, not using force etc
If they see a problem with the boy they should work with him to improve his behaviour and there will be consequences for bad behaviour. They might not tell you anything other than it is being dealt with.
They will expect your child to tell an adult each time something happens as it is really hard to do anything several days later.

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