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URGENT ADVICE: Do I contact School or Parent ref bullying

(8 Posts)
yohoohoo Fri 14-Oct-16 20:28:22

Ok we live on a culdesac with a park at the top where kids hang out plsy footie etc. Most of the kids around here are ok. DS age 11 is an only child bit sensative as well. One Boy who is 13/14 always seens to pick on DS things like name calling, being abit rough when they r all playing tag etc. Happened most of the summer. All of the other kids have siblings around or parents are teachers at the school they go to so boy doesnt seem to do anything to them. DH and I think he is just jealous of DS. It's got to the point DS would go to play at the park then come back as this boy had done something. So told DS not to just ignore him but he said you cant as tje boy does things even more. So told DS to just come back when this boy appears. I was going to have a word with the boys mother but dont really know here that well plus didnt want it esculating to school as DS was starting in Sept. o fast forward Sept DS starts the 2nd school the boys goes to...a few of them walk but again due to boy being mean DS didnt want to walk so now walks earlier with another boy. 2 weeks ago the boy shoulder barged DS as he was walking to his next lesson. DS was ok but just ignored it. DS hadnt settled too well first 2 weeks at school so we agreed to monitor to see what happens. Nothing else has happened and all has been ok.

Today DS said thd boy walked passed today during school time and said hello DS just ignored him he daid he didnt want to get into conversation with him and walked on the boy shout "fu*king c**t. Then as he left school today exactly same happened. Im so shocked DS doesnt know that word. DS said he must really hate me. There were a couple of friends with the boy but im guessing they wont act as witnesses.

So what do I do. Im thinking of emailing DS tutor and asking for a chat. I want it documenting but not sure what I want to happen am worried the boy will step up the bullying against DS. Really worried

chocolateworshipper Fri 14-Oct-16 20:55:09

As there have been incidents in school, I would definitely contact the school rather than the parents. Mention the incidents outside of school as well, but the school will only act because there have been incidents in school. Ask the school to call the parents in and tell them everything. The school have a duty of care to keep your son safe in school. Hopefully the parents will be supportive and put consequences in place that will also stop the incidents outside of school. Definitely keep a log of everything. Very best of luck to you and your DS

yohoohoo Fri 14-Oct-16 22:00:30

I just dont want any reprocussions for DS so am thinking to get it just logged with school and see if it washes over

Mishaps Fri 14-Oct-16 22:06:53

The school needs to know - they have a safeguarding responsibility to all the children and they should have a proper strategy for dealing with these situations. They need to be aware so that they can keep an eye on what is going on for the benefit of all the children.

Starlight2345 Fri 14-Oct-16 22:11:54

I would speak to the school..The thing with saying nothing is simply when something happens worse they say no history.

My DS was bullied by a child in his year over Christmas , they live very close together. I dealt with it at home but informed the school..Told them I considered it to be an out of school issue but if anything happens in school I want them to understand there is a big history here.

yohoohoo Fri 14-Oct-16 22:26:22

Ok will email the tutor this weekend would prefer to go in rather than phone

DanFmDorking Fri 14-Oct-16 23:43:57

Do the following:-
1. Keep a diary of the incidents and record everything that happens, date and time and what was said.
2. Ring the school Monday morning (or go in and see them) and tell the class tutor what has been going on.
3. Write to the school/teacher about the problems. It needn’t be long and rambling just short and to the point. "Dear Headmaster..." “I am very disappointed to find that … My son is very unhappy at school because …”
4. At the end of the week, check with the school to see what has been done. Ask them what progress has been made regarding this.
5. If you are not happy that the problems are being addressed then take it up with the Headteacher. Ask what progress has been made regarding the bullying.
6. You may choose to approach one of the Governors about the problems ‘I’m concerned about … I want to make sure that I’m going about this in the right way’. The Governors should just check that the correct procedures are been followed.
7. How the school addresses parental concerns is a measure of how good the school is.

Remember, the school will ignore any problem it does not know about.

Later, if the bullying has been sorted out, please contact the school again and thank them for what they did. Your thanks will mean a lot to them.

yohoohoo Mon 17-Oct-16 10:49:16

Emailed the tutor and had a meeting this morning face to face with her. She'd asked for DS to write down everything which he did. She was great and understood how DS and I was feeling as she had had the same with her DD last week. I said how anxious I was as I didn't want any repercussions on DS from the boy. She said his Head of year had been informed and she would feedback out meeting and the boy would be spoken to/asked about what was going on, then DS tutor would speak t said boy. She would let me know the outcome.

Im just so worried the said boy will retaliate sad

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