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Aibu to request this child is expelled?

(27 Posts)
Somerset1972 Mon 25-Apr-16 11:46:45

Hi everyone I am just looking for advice and opinions on this. My dd is 11 and in first year at high school, things have gone terribly from the start. There is a boy in her year that has adhd. He was bullying her via FaceTime for a while but I couldn't do anything about it as I had no proof...until I recorded him. He called my dd over 40 times in 20 mins when she answered the iPad. He told her she was a fu*king fat c*nt and a useless piece of shit. 'I'm gonna spank your mum so hard my fingers are gonna come out the other side of her' 'my dick is gonna be in your mouth so far I won't have a knob anymore' I grabbed the iPad from her and attempted to tell him off with no effect whatsoever! He told me he was on his way round to see wether I was as good tonight as I was last night! A lot of you will say why didn't I end the call? But he's been using this disgusting language towards her at school and no one has believed us so I needed hard evidence! I of course called the police and his mother was told to remove him from social media and take away his phone. He has since done the same to another child and her mother and I was told yesterday that he is being prosecuted for assaulting another female pupil, which kind of assault I don't know. A day in isolation had no effect and he's carried on and on. Yesterday I had a visit from the police to tell me that my dd had said to him he was a 'little shit and he needed a cucumber shoving up his little A hole' she now has isolation for this at school. I understand that what she said is wrong but she was only repeating to him something he'd said to her mother! The truth is I have not brought my dd up to use this language, I have been told that this boy is now in care due to abuse but why should all the kids in that year suffer as a consequence of what happened to him? I have removed her from all social media now but that won't stop the abuse in school! I feel like he's getting away with murder because of his past. I feel really unsafe about sending her to school now, what if he actually carried out one of the acts he was stating he was going to do? What sort of abuse is he being done for? If it is sexual do I have a right to know who I'm sending my dd to school with?? I have thought about moving her but the other school is right down the motorway and I have to get my 2 ds's to school in the other directionconfused

RidersOnTheStorm Mon 25-Apr-16 11:48:52

You have a right to ask the school what measures they are putting in place to safeguard your child. It seems they are not doing as much as they could.

CraziestOfCatLadies Mon 25-Apr-16 11:49:03

I would write down everything that has happened and insist on knowing what the school is doing about it and what they will be doing in future to protect your child.

I don't see why you can't request for the bully to be expelled but the school would have to be the ones to determine that it is the appropriate course of action to take and not you.

Really hope things improve for your child. Being bullied is awful.

TealLove Mon 25-Apr-16 11:49:38

I agree he should be expelled.

CodyKing Mon 25-Apr-16 13:53:29

What have the police done?

What options have school given your DD in regards to free time?

CodyKing Mon 25-Apr-16 13:53:36

What have the police done?

What options have school given your DD in regards to free time?

lem73 Mon 25-Apr-16 14:07:31

You are understandably worried for your DD. You should keep pressure on the school. It is actually quite hard to expel a pupil but the school has been far too lenient. Keep recording what goes on and share it with the school and police. Escalate to the board of governors if you aren't satisfied.

Somerset1972 Mon 25-Apr-16 15:04:13

The police have done nothing really it took them a week to come out after I reported the recordings to them. It's as if because he has been treated badly they expect this behaviour from him and its overlooked! Where as my dd sent him 1 message back using a phrase shed learnt from him and she's isolated and the police were at my house within a few hours! It was also convenient that the messages he sent to her calling her a fat useless cunt had been cropped off when reported to the police and school! As for free time and breaks etc he's left to roam the school and scream fat cunt and sheep shagger at her and other girls as much as he likes! If it wasn't witnessed by a teacher it never happenedangry

CodyKing Mon 25-Apr-16 16:53:01

So you have a copy of the complaints procedure? Get one and read it.

They should

Have a plan
Implement the plan
Review the plan

Investigate X in time scale Y or report back to you -

If you email they should reply in writing in 5 days -

redexpat Mon 25-Apr-16 17:21:26

Well if he has been abused then he doesn't know what normal behaviour is, and needs time to learn, but none of that helps your DD.

Report every single incident to both the school and the police. What was Said, time, place, witnesses.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 25-Apr-16 17:25:43

It is (unfortunately) extremely difficult for many schools to expell pupils like this. Many are under pressure from the local authority to avoid doing so by any measures possible.

I'm sorry your daughter is having such a terrible time.

ouryve Mon 25-Apr-16 17:29:25

The boy's behaviour is despicable, but why is the ADHD relevant?

Somerset1972 Mon 25-Apr-16 18:01:56

I don't know why they always say 'well this boy has adhd and has a statement, he has big problems' I know a few children with adhd, of course they have their moments but they're lovely children and would never behave in this way, I think it's a poor excuse for them to use tbh!

TealLove Tue 26-Apr-16 00:35:06

Never mind ADHD
He sounds psychopathic!

BastardGoDarkly Tue 26-Apr-16 00:45:57

I wouldn't let my daughter go to school unless they had measures in place to guarantee her safety.

Awful situation op.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Tue 26-Apr-16 01:06:56

^^what BastardGoDarkly said.

I'm so sorry OP. I'd be pissed.

Ouriana Tue 26-Apr-16 01:17:32

My friends son recently had a year 8 boy come out with ONE similar statement to him.
Just one. It was overheard by a teacher, and he was excluded.

Encourage your DD to report every single incident to school, with as many witnesses as possible and keep reporting to the police.

Uts heartbreaking the abuse this child must have suffered to be so sexually abusive to others but that doesnt mean your dd has to endure this kind of bullying.

Tamarandave Sun 15-May-16 19:05:29

From your side, you are not being unreasonable. You have every right and indeed an obligation to do what is best for your daughter. She will thank you for it later in life. You are her charged protector, guardian and its important you keep her from harm and damage at all costs. This boy is very unfortunate and troubled, however it is the responsibility of the school to ensure that ALL their pupils are looked after and kept safe and feeling sorry for one pupil (the boy in care) at the expense of others is not the answer. You have every right to pursue this most adamantly and make sure that the abuse your daughter is suffering is stopped right NOW. This boy is acting out his own abuse and creating other victims in the process. Keep your daughter at home if possible until this situation is cleared up one way or another. Dont risk her being damaged or harmed physically, mentally or emotionally any more. Look around for alternative schools at this stage in case her present school dont live up to their obligations

Colchestergal Sun 15-May-16 19:11:27

Sounds like he has terrible issues. Sadly it seems he has had a terrible start in life and doesn't know how to have healthy relationships. If he is in care then he must feel abandoned and angry. He's probably misdirecting his feelings at your DD.

If he is harassing your DD with lots of calls then I would contact the police.

I would also block his number on your iPad. Report to the school everything and keep a diary of events.

Want2bSupermum Sun 15-May-16 19:13:01

I'd give the Police 24hrs to do something (ie refer to relevant authorities) and then contact the local social services to report the boy, my MP and school governors demanding to know why this boy hasn't been fast tracked to receive professional help. He is 11 years old and speaking in very derogatory sexual terms. It screams abuse to me regardless of his diagnosis of ADHD. IMO the boy needs professional help in a specialist setting not expulsion.

I do feel for your DD but looking this objectively this boy is acting out and the behaviour is a symptom of a much bigger problem.

Colchestergal Sun 15-May-16 19:13:53

Teal....if you had had the start in life that boy has had, perhaps you would act this way too. It's not his fault he's been abused. At 13 he is a child himself. To suggest he is psychopathic is unhelpful.

HappyNevertheless Sun 15-May-16 19:21:02

You really need to ask the school about what sort of plans are in place to protect your dd.
What is their bullying policy?
What is the system in place to report the bullying and in particular, what happens when the bullying is NOT witness by a teacher? Is another pupil a witness enough?
Does he have a TA with him?

The situation with this child is very sad however your role is to support your dd.
I would have a look with her at what to do when he is starting again. Ignoring, reporting, photos/films (eg when contacting her on FaceTime etc). Would it be ok for a friend to film the bullying in the school for example?

kitkat1968 Sun 15-May-16 19:22:42

It is unfortunate your DD replied in such a way because now the school can say it is six of one and half a dozen of the other.
Yes, your DD is just repeating a phrase she has heard, but so is the boy!

HappyNevertheless Sun 15-May-16 19:22:57

The fact he us a ring out whatever abuse has happened dies t mean another child should suffer because of it though. That's just perpetuating the abuse which is not what you want to do.
The child needs help.
The OP's dd needs protection.
These aren't mutually exclusive.

Want2bSupermum Sun 15-May-16 19:55:16

A call/letter to the Mp normally results in calls to get a child (boy) help. I've had an issue with my fathers healthcare and spoke to the MP in our area. The response was incredible (less than 24hrs after waiting 3 months).

happy I agree that the DD needs protecting but removing her from school for an extended period of time doesn't help the boy or the DD.

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