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Being mean or is it being picked on?

(5 Posts)
tessie31082 Wed 20-Apr-16 08:01:56

hi all, my DS started at the local foundation unit on Monday. He was fine on the first morning, cried yesterday when I left but not mentioned when I picked him up. However, he had a 'I've had 1st aid today' sticker on. All the assistant teacher told me was that my DS had bumped his head on the gate when they were coming in from outside play. I've since been told by the childminder (who he goes to 4 afternoons) that another girl who is in the class above DS (reception) that she saw it and there was another boy who bumped Freddies head against the gate on purpose! What the hell do I do? I'm going to raise it with the teacher this morning, I'm anxious now about leaving him too if it seems he's not being watched as a new starter. He's only just 3 and so little. Is this other boy just plain mean or is it bullying already??
Thanks for reading.

MattDillonsPants Wed 20-Apr-16 11:05:09

flowers do try not to get over stressed. Is he your first or your oldest? I don't mean to sound patronising but these things do happen....and the word of a reception child in relation to what happened really can't be trusted. Your CM perhaps felt she should mention what the other child said, but really you don't know that was the case.

It's not bullying if it was one incident (if indeed the boy DID bump your DSs head) and while it's awful to think of our children being hurt, what you describe isn't enough to get over worried about.

You could mention to his teacher what your CM said...and try to ascertain if this was the case but it's very likely she or he won't know. Unless someone, an adult witnessed the injury.

BatFacedGirl Wed 20-Apr-16 11:07:24

This is all very normal at this age right up until.. well, a good few years yet! They're still babies, I really wouldn't mention it to the teacher, there'll be lots of bumped heads, so and so biting or pushing.. It's young children and school/nursery life. They grow out of it

3 and 4 year olds don't bully, by the way. They fall out and then lash out instinctively. It'll pass

Tamarandave Sun 15-May-16 15:52:25

The most essential distinction in my opinion is that mean-ness is a one off or occasional occurrence. Bullying is a repetitive, daily or weekly occurrence.

Mean-ness may often be between erstwhile friends and be resolved after a patching up. Bullying however is often done by children who are not now or never were friends with your child.

Also bullying is often characterised by more than one child (perpetrator) vs one child (victim)

Bullying is also characterised by being unrelated to your own child's words or actions in relation to the perpetrator. In other words, a bully will target your child even if your child has taken measures to avoid contact with the bully(s) and has done nothing to attract the bully's attention.

The other point I would like to make is that the natural state of children is one of optimism and happiness. It takes a lot to make a child miserable and not want to go to school.

If your child has already reached this stage, then real damage is being done to them already and they need to be removed from the source of harm or the source of harm needs to be addressed and stopped rapidly and completely

Tamarandave Sun 15-May-16 18:23:25

According to mattdillonspants: "....and the word of a reception child in relation to what happened really can't be trusted." ....really? There is no reception age child who can be trusted to tell his/her mother what happened? Really? Well I beg to differ. It is the mothers responsibility to listen to her child and make that assessment for herself. There is no hard and fast rule. Children of the same age vary enormously in intelligence and development. Nobody knows their child like its mother and she can judge best whether her child's reports can be trusted or given a pinch of salt and how big a pinch. A child depends completely on being able to tell its mother what happens. The child has nobody else to tell and it pays to listen and find out more as best you can. Who else can the child turn to in the hope of being listened to and understood?

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