Parent verbally abusing me in playground

(35 Posts)
Mumwhoneedsadvice Fri 12-Feb-16 23:36:55

Where to start..
My daughter is 6 and is in year 2.
Since reception she's formed a relationship with another little girl and it was always just the 2 of them. End of last year a new girl started and their 2 turned into 3. You know what they say 3's a crowd.
My daughter come home few months ago saying that the new girl was having a party but said to my daughter she wouldn't tell her who's going.. Which obviously upset my daughter when she found out the 2 of them had gone out for the day.
I told my daughter to rise above it all and play nicely..
Everyday the last 2-3 weeks my little girl has been so quiet and withdrawn at home.
She broke down after school and told me how nasty the new girl has been to her.
I don't believe everything a 6 year old says so I asked her teacher who advised all Ok so I left it.
Yesterday new girl come out in tears and her mum runs straight up to me and says "You want to sort her out". "I've had enough". She was shouting at me I front of the whole playground was so embarrassing. She wouldn't even let me talk to say actually my daughter has been crying all the time. My reply was "don't believe everything they say". She then said "Don't call my daughter a f** liar".
I messaged the lady as I had her on my social accounts as we previously knew of each other I put that we need to work together with the girls not argue and she never replied..
Today she argued with me twice in the end telling me to keep my daughter away from hers.
This lady was a bully in her school in her younger days I'm just a bit stuck what to do. I've tried to reason and work together but she refuses to listen. I don't want an argument every time I go on school run. I'm even considering moving her schools. sad

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sat 13-Feb-16 16:12:21

This is a school issue and you need to involve the head teacher - or the police or both -

Do not let this woman bully you!!

Some parents probably disagree with her but won't speak up -

Ask if you can collect DD from a different entrance or a bit earlier/later

Write everything down

There's a reason her DD moved schools - some kids are "angels"

Have you spoken to her friends mom? See her take on things?

starry0ne Sat 13-Feb-16 16:23:57

Yes with parents like this take it into school... Tell them your DD version of events.. We have a mum on our playground saying no one will play with her.. I told this DC my DC would play with her if asked ..She said she didn't want to as he plays with a child she hates...This is what is going on with her friendship group.... So all I am saying is not everything is always as it seems ..So go into the school let someone impartial deal with it.

Mumwhoneedsadvice Sat 13-Feb-16 19:28:10

I'm quite a small thin person and I feel that she will attack me. But what gets me is that my daughters been quiet and upset for weeks. But I didn't shout in her face..
She even was shouting at me in front of the school teacher. My daughter is terrified of her.
I've moved since putting my daughter there and there is a school on my road with a better ofsted report. I think I should enquirer on Monday and get her on the list. I always say your kids take after the way you bring them up they are taught by you. If her daughter is seeing being abusive not even being able to sit down like adults then her daughter will end up the same.

Happymummy007 Wed 17-Feb-16 10:37:47

This is utterly, utterly unacceptable behaviour from this lady. What sort of example does she think she is setting her own child? Go into the school - tell them exactly what has been going on, plus your own child's version of events. And yes, look at the other school. Neither you, nor your child, should have to put up with this. Good luck.

rosebiggs Wed 17-Feb-16 10:41:48

Make an appointment with the HT to discuss it. It's absolutely unacceptable.

VocationalGoat Wed 17-Feb-16 10:54:49

Yep, straight to the head pronto OP.
I was bullied by a mother years ago, very similar circumstances. I kept quiet and just stayed in the background, ignored her completely. A friend of mine who'd been at the school for years warned me that keeping quiet and showing a bit of fear wound people like this right up. I was afraid of her. She was very 'in your face'.

So one day, I'm leaving school with my then 6 year old and the school receptionist runs up to me at the gates and says, "Sorry Mrs. XXXX I meant to give this to you."
It was a warning letter from the Head, accusing me of unreasonable behaviour by one parent and two witnesses. I'd been accused of slamming this lady (all 6ft and million stone/of her- she was enormous!) against a wall and turning on a mother holding a baby and grabbing her infant and assaulting it. I am shaking as I write now recalling it all. This woman was on me like a rash and finally she turned up the dial to 'dangerous'. She was an angry, violent, but persuasive person. Of course I went and saw the head immediately and she explained that her letter to me was a necessary formality. She didn't even have to look at CCTV to see if there was a remote possibility I'd committed this crime on school grounds. She knew the truth. The head urged this unhinged mother to call the police for supposed assault. Of course the police were never called because it never happened. Nothing happened, which in a way was worse because this bitter was never called to task for her destructive lies.
We left that school within months. Best thing I ever did. Ironically, this bully writes me really nice messages via Facebook (you can message anyone- believe me, we're not on FB together). But the fact that 8 years on, she still reaches out to tell me she'd like to meet up scares me. I never ever respond.

I digress!
OP women like this are as I said, unhinged. They're bullies who never left the playground. Rough and ready and always up for confrontation. Go straight to the head before this gets more toxic.

VocationalGoat Wed 17-Feb-16 10:56:41

bitter? That should read 'nutter', not bitter.

headthrash Wed 17-Feb-16 11:09:29

Leave it to the school. If she speaks to tell her it's best she speaks to the CT. No good will come from you trying to discuss it with her, esp when she is rude. Let the CT know what the parent has done. It will blow over.

Mumwhoneedsadvice Wed 17-Feb-16 12:00:38

I just feel so sorry for my daughter I only ever receive complements for her kind nature.
I've never felt so insulted in my life.
Her daughter had moved school for problems with teachers apparently.. I think it was the same thing and the school wouldn't have it hence why she has come to my daughter school.

This lady will not even let me speak she is a motor mouth.

She shouted at me in front of the school teacher on Friday just before we broke up for half term.. I don't really want to speak to headmaster as it may of settled with the week off..
I have put an application in for 2 schools there is no harm in waiting I guess.

Last thing I want to do is be abused by this mother every time our children have a fall out.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sat 20-Feb-16 12:53:31

How are things?

PennyDropt Sat 20-Feb-16 13:01:01

Even if you move, a letter to the HT explaining what happened might help someone else if it happens to them.

I think I might have liked to speak to police just to get my version across. Mentioning the police to the HT might have got a bit more support for you. In fact she might well be known to the police already. Also your DCs would see that there IS someone you can turn to at times like this. Otherwise v scary for them to see their DM abused like this.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Sat 20-Feb-16 13:05:17

Don't move your dd from this school where she is settled just because of this woman.

I would go to the HT, if the teacher saw this then they will back your version of events. Ive known parents to be banned from school premesis for similar.

Mumwhoneedsadvice Sat 20-Feb-16 13:32:50

She's been off school for half term so things been ok. If I go to head teacher I worry that it will get out of control.
Not sure if to leave it until I take my daughter back to school.. Maybe she has had time to think about her vile attitude.

TheChimpParadox Sat 20-Feb-16 13:39:21

It's a school issue. Don't engage at all with the other mother.

Please don't bother the police with this - they have enough to deal with without playground issues. !

abbsismyhero Sat 20-Feb-16 13:51:29

go to the head teacher as it happened on school property the police will not want to be involved

move schools if you think it will benefit you by being better closer etc

Mumwhoneedsadvice Sat 20-Feb-16 16:36:56

I wasn't mentioning the police by the way it's a school issue.

TheChimpParadox Sat 20-Feb-16 16:43:46

Another poster mentioned going to police grin not you OP

Hope it works out.

bloodyteenagers Sat 20-Feb-16 17:06:59

If in 3 years and a change of school, she hasn't thought about her vile behaviour, I really don't think she will now.
Honestly, go and talk to the HT. They may have taken the girl on the condition that the mother behaves herself. It's not going to be a case of your word against hers, the teacher was a witness. It's already out of control.

Mumwhoneedsadvice Sat 20-Feb-16 17:49:05

Thank you, if she causes a scene again I will speak to the head teacher.
My daughter is in the school council and her reading and writing is beyond her age so they won't want to lose her to another school.
I shouldn't have to deal with this when I pick my daughter up, especially when I've got my 10month old with he too.

BikeRunSki Sat 20-Feb-16 17:56:22

Head Teacher yes!

Similarish situation with DS in Class 1, DH and I ended up in the head's office (school certain that DS totally innocent of all accusations) - he'd said that unfortunately she could not legislate for parents, but she does has jurisdiction on what happens on school grounds.

Unfortunately for me, the other parent only ever bullied me in the street outside. Deliberately in full view of everyone else, but not actually in school. Until she started doing over to my house.

KimmySchmidtsSmile Sat 20-Feb-16 18:05:10

Switch schools. To the one with the better Ofsted.
Just do it. Tell the head of your current school why.
Make sure the new school have an effective anti-bullying policy, pastoral support and home-school contract.
But, unless your daughter really really adores where she is currently, I really would get her out.

Cuttheraisins Sat 20-Feb-16 18:05:47

Go straight to ht to discuss. This is completely unacceptable . children make friends, friendship break up, then they are friends again. One of the issues is that some children have one best best friend and that can be difficult for them . Does your daughter have friends that are not in her class? Bay be encourage that to help build her confidence. I have two DSs they are in year 4 and 5 and in my experience it's pointless to try and make sense of this 'we're friend - we're not friend' business. Better to stay away from that other parent, if she has a go at you don't even answer just walk away. Or say something like I will not b shouted at by anyone in front of the children, if you want to talk to me you have to calm down first, and walk away.

Mumwhoneedsadvice Sat 20-Feb-16 18:59:01

This school she is currently at is a very small school. One class per year group.. So my daughter will be we escape this other girl. She told me to keep my daughter away.. It's like this lady is completely on a different planet. She won't even listen that my daughter has been extremely emotional the last few months.
All I wanted was to talk like normal mothers laugh it of as they are still so young. School teacher has told me there's nothing wrong in class and that's that.
My best friend is a teacher assistant in that class and even she's told me everything is fine. So I can't get over how bad she's taking to it.

sad

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sat 20-Feb-16 19:11:20

There are a fair few mothers like this - pick up every little detail and make it a big issue - some kids turn a small incident into a big reaction -

Involve the head teacher - she will already be aware of her - you won't be the first!!

By all means look at other schools - it's a shame but this child won't change and neither will the mother

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