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Advice please !

(4 Posts)
buffymum Fri 22-Jan-16 18:49:59

First term at secondary & DD1 Asked out by boy, she showed me the text , and she replied very politely , no. This was day 2 of school . He had her number as school encouraged this on taster days and they were in the same group. Since then he has tried to tell others how awful she is etc. Our line was to ignore , but be polite. After half term she spoke to form tutor , as she was fed up of it . Never really stopped . 2 days before Xmas and she is sent a screen shot from another friend of a message saying Wishing he could have 1 bullet to use it on Dd . Family all agreed too far , school contacted on return after Xmas . Boy is the year golden boy , clever , very successful in extra curricular . He denied at first then was shown parts of the 3 sided statement Dd had been asked to complete. He broke down crying , wailing , parents spoken to . Kind of sorted , except dd is desperate to move forms , feels like the boys in her class are still quite hostile (they are also in similar ability groups . )School saying this not possible due to class sizes all reached (29) is An academy . Dd is not a fusspot and has very much got on with it at school . We contain her at home . She has lots of lovely friends spread over different forms but feels very uncomfortable in her own . School have suggested a meeting , as no place in other forms . Any advice / thoughts we would be really grateful for .
Excuse typos , on a bumpy bus !

DancingDuck Fri 22-Jan-16 19:20:53

I'm really shocked. Your poor Dd. How seriously did the school take his violent threat? Golden boy or no golden boy he has serious problems and until he is made to take the lead by being nice and polite and supportive of her so that other boys follow suit then the school hasn't fulfilled its duty to her. Has he apologised to her in full for every single individual thing he did? He should. Go back to the school. keep going back. Explain how subtle and long standing the bullying is. contact the governors if need be. I loathe bullying but even more I loathe schools that think it will all just go away.

Meanwhile, do lots of confidence building with her. Incredibly hard to take on board when you're young and vulnerable, but teaching her to continue to feel good and positive about herself is the way forward.

buffymum Fri 22-Jan-16 19:31:26

Thanks for your response dancing, with good advice .I don't think school realise how much a whole term of him quite low key bullying has impacted on her .
Will definitely want more answers from school , and a shopping session / chat with a costa for dd tomorrow ( her favourite thing at the mo !)
Thanks again .

AfroSuperMama Tue 26-Jan-16 23:54:27

I feel like you need to discuss with your DD about the culture of violence towards women who say 'no'. There are lots of scary instances where women are too afraid to say no out of the fear of being harmed.

It's really frustrating that the boy's reputation is stopping the school from taking your complaint seriously...the nicest boy can turn into a real abusive monster because they're not told 'no means no'.

I hope school gets better for her, my heart goes out to her!

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