Coping with toxic parents at primary school.

[kissitbetter2]

My DD has just turned 7 and for the last two years we have held a birthday party to which the whole class of 29 has been invited. This year, due to financial reasons, I told my daughter that we would have a birthday party at our home and she could invite 8-10 friends. When she'd completed her list I noted the absence of one girl whose parents I knew would take umbrage if she wasn't invited purely because of their actions in the past.

Nevertheless, we stood our ground and after I'd discussed with my DD about how she could respond to any children who were upset not to be invited to her party, sent her off with granddad to school to hand out her invitations.

A few hours later I was warned by my friend that the girl's mother had taken to Facebook to complain about my DD, whilst not naming her, she was identifiable to all parents of children in the class. She claimed that my DD had goaded her daughter and called her mean and horrible and that was why she wasn't invited. This is untrue and is a lie made up by the girl's elder sister who was dropping her off that morning. My DD didn't do this (we have witnesses), it isn't in her nature in any case and doesn't dislike her classmate. My DD came home upset the following day saying that her classmate told her that her Mum and Dad said that she wasn't allowed to play or talk to my DD ever again.

A day later I was in the head's office because this family have complained to her that my DD is intimidating their child; an example being that my DD blamed their child for tripping her up in line and this upset their daughter. The school have said that they have seen no evidence of intimidation but they want to observe her interactions with this girl.

I do have confidence in the school and have met subsequently with the Chair of Governors who reassured me that they knew who they were dealing with. I haven't taken to Facebook or confronted the family but am so furious that my daughter's good nature and reputation is being tarnished by these toxic people who are now acting divisively with other parents - sending toxic text messages to parents who are friendly with me.

I realise that on this thread many are facing much more threatening scenarios than the one I find myself in, so I'm grateful for advice in how to retain my dignity in the face of this bizarre but stressful situation for me and my DD.

[TheHouseOnTheLane]

Firstly...always hand invitations to the teacher to slip into book bags...and never allow them to be handed out in the playground where those who have none can see.

Secondly...try to step back a little bit. This is very early days in school and your DD has years to go...years in which all kinds of fall-outs, bitching, bullying and fights will occur.

Ignore any comments, ignore tattle tales and take things with a pinch of salt unless you have proof.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Get FB screen shot - keep any text - then ignore.
Have you spoken to teacher? More than likely this parent is a pita - kids don't look at reputation this early and teachers aren't daft.

[skybluepinkish]

How frustrating for you. I do hate people who go out of their way to make things miserable for everyone else.

I would rise above it. The children will forget about really quickly (they fall in and out of friends every few minutes at school) and the parents you are friendly with will know that what's being said is all nonsense.

The school will be well aware that your DD is not causing problems and are probably placating the others parents (who they will also be aware of if they are 'problem parents').

[PirateSmile]

TheHouseOnTheLane A lot of teachers would prefer for the children themselves to hand out the invitations if not everybody in the class is invited. There are endless threads on here about one child being left out of being invited and watching the teacher handing out them out to the rest of the class. The general consensus is that this really isn't on.
To be honest OP i would've just invited the girl to avoid this trouble. Good luck with dealing with these parents in the future. They sound like a bloody nightmare.

[neolara]

I suspect other parents will know what the toxic ones is like and will treat their comments with a huge pinch of salt.

Sounds grim. Sorry your dd is going through this..