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Really had it.What shall I do?

(39 Posts)
notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:19:40

DS3(12) has been getting bullied for quite a while now.He is in year 7 now, but has been getting bullied since he was in year 4. He never has had friends, but he just got on. However, in year 4 he became close with a whole group of boys, they were friends for quite a couple of months then all of a sudden after the Easter break, they all ganged up on DS and that's when the bullying started.
DS didn't tell us about this until the summer time as it gradually got worse even in holidays.

The bullying became less in year 5, but became worse again in year 6.We were going to move DS school,but decided not to as it was only 1 year left in that school anyway. I had thought DS would make friends and the bullies would fucking leave him alone after starting secondary - I thought wrong.

The bullies won't leave DS alone. He is severely depressed, and is taking anti depressants however it isn't really making much of a difference. I can't remember the last time he smiled sad. Me and DH pulled DS3 out of school a couple of weeks back, and he went back after half term, but it really brought nothing else. The boys are still bullying him.

Today was the last straw. DS3 took DD(6) to the park after school, and saw the bullies. He didn't do anything, and just carried on playing with the other DC.The bullies approached him,and started verbally abusing him and then started to get physical. DS3 tried to hit back but there was a lot of them, and only one of him. sad He came home with blood on the side of his face, and his nose bleeding. DD is really afraid, and keeps talking about the boys. I really don't know what to do anymore, I hate seeing poor DS like this angry sad.
Any advice I would really be grateful for! smile

notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:21:27

I forgot to add that I have been to the school several times, and all that has happened is the boys got a telling off, and detention.

pictish Tue 01-Dec-15 18:22:45

What do the school have to say?

HarrietSchulenberg Tue 01-Dec-15 18:23:45

Re this afternoon's park incident, I would report to the police as assault. If he has come home bloodied, having been hit then he's been assaulted.
I would then contact school and make sure they are fully aware that bullying is taking place both in and out of school. If you feel they are not being supportive then I would seriously consider changing schools.
Poor ds, hope he feels better soon.

notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:25:34

The school say that bullying has no place in their school and blahdy blah.

PrincessHairyMclary Tue 01-Dec-15 18:25:42

Your son has been assaulted by someone over the age of criminal responsibility ring the police on the non emergency line, when they come round ask to be put in touch with the schools liaison officer who can talk to the school for you.

Toffeelatteplease Tue 01-Dec-15 18:26:43

Firstly report to police.

Secondly talk to cahms as to whether your ds mental health needs mean that he needs to be signed off sick for a bit.

Talk to the school about how they ate intending to keep your DS emotionally and physically safe

PrincessHairyMclary Tue 01-Dec-15 18:27:00

We have several students permanently excluded for this type of behaviour and they have bail conditions and restraint orders to keep them away from school / their victims.

pearpotter Tue 01-Dec-15 18:27:25

Report it to the police.

notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:27:26

ok, thank u. I will report the incident to the police. I won't be sending DS into school tomorrow anyway.

Berthatydfil Tue 01-Dec-15 18:28:33

Go to the police it's an assault. Tell the school about it and that you are going to the police and that if they do not deal with it is school and that those boys come near ds in school you will have no hesitation in going back to the police and taking action against the school for not protecting your child as us their duty of care.
However I would seriously consider moving him to another school.

pullofthemoon Tue 01-Dec-15 18:29:18

Honestly, if he was mine, I'd be looking into moving him flowers

wannabestressfree Tue 01-Dec-15 18:31:20

Why? Sorry but he needs to be in School and they need to be backing you up. If you keep pulling him from school he will start to refuse to go and your issue tonight has not happened there.
You call the police and log it and take him in tomorrow and demand something is done to separate them or you start going through the governors and ofsted.
You have to get tough....

Toffeelatteplease Tue 01-Dec-15 18:31:23

Do it through cahms. If it becomes a prolonged gap in school due to medical reasons the LEA has a duty to educate. You do not want the school and Lea to be able to shirk their responsibilities

notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:32:21

I will be looking into moving him soon. We're in the middle of moving houses too, hence the reason I'm a tad busy and haven't been able to go into school that much. DH is off work tomorrow, so we will be going into school and will look into moving his school. We have suggested to DS that he gets moved schools, but he says he wants to be with all his siblings, and that if he does move schools, and gets bullied again, he won't have anyone there. ATM,he has DS1 & ds2 with him .. sad

notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:33:30

I will look into contacting CAMHS too..

notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:35:29

Thank you all for your advice / input. I will definitely be looking into it. flowers smile

pullofthemoon Tue 01-Dec-15 18:37:15

I disagree with wannabe

When I was 12, I remember being assaulted on the way home from school (I was just a geeky kid, but harmless!)

I remember begging my parents not to make me go in, but they did. I understand why they did but it was awful.

Don't make him. How can you learn anything when you're scared and frightened? You can't!

It also sends a serious message to the school that your child will not step over the threshold until his or her safety can be guaranteed.

Toffeelatteplease Tue 01-Dec-15 18:38:15

Yes I would be concerned about the bullying moving with your son.

You do it through CAMHS because that makes it clear you are not just pulling him out you are giving him the space to get well. Ultimately a move may be necessary but it needs to be a well supported move. Just pulling him out may not get him the support he needs for school to be successful.

Police sooner rather than later.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 01-Dec-15 18:38:46

Report to the police. Schools act when others are involved,
Then speak to the head.
I would consider another school. His happines amd future depend on his school life.

Toffeelatteplease Tue 01-Dec-15 18:40:33

No way would I be sending straight in either but I would be rather firmly asking the school what plans it has for keeping DS safe. These should not involve isolating your DS further

SugarPlumTree Tue 01-Dec-15 18:41:29

I am so sorry he is going through this flowers I would also be calling the Police at this point.

When you have approached the school before, was it verbally or do you have anything in writing? At this point you need to be thinking paper trail .

notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:42:05

I will call the police on a non emergency line number. I think I may involve the school governors too. This has gone too far, and I will go through CAMHS as I don't want to send him somewhere that he'll be unhappy all day. Until the school sort this properly, I will keep him at home and do basic learning (year 7 things) with him.

notthatdeep Tue 01-Dec-15 18:43:49

sugarplum - I went in to the school and talked to them verbally. I will also send a letter in, I have done before when he was at primary. Though I haven't at this school.

Toffeelatteplease Tue 01-Dec-15 18:45:29

If police is not out tonight, Doctor for any injuries requiring medical attention, photos of every not requiring medical attention.

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