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End of tether - is violence ever an option?

(17 Posts)
Hightechlowbudget Sat 21-Nov-15 13:24:49

My DD has been bullied by a boy in her class since last June. It started off as annoying banter and has escalated to the usual stuff, snatching her work off her in class, making pig noises when she is around, talking about her to other children in her earshot...etc etc. He has been spoken to by the head on several occasions, she has even had a letter of apology from him. She is a tough cookie and the teachers are supportive, but it is really getting her down. Even after the latest severe bollocking, he was ok for a couple of days, but then starts up again. Nothing the school is doing seems to have an impact on him. He has some sort of autism.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to handle it? More chats with the Head, what should we expect from them in terms of response?

I am thinking she should just take a swing at him. He is much smaller than her and she could take him easily. I am joking (sort of).

Pantone363 Sat 21-Nov-15 13:27:33

How old?

Hightechlowbudget Sat 21-Nov-15 13:28:46

Both 11

thornrose Sat 21-Nov-15 13:34:34

Does he target her in the playground or just the classroom? Do they sit at the same table?

I would want to know what sanctions were in place for the boy. Also, whether they had a specific behaviour plan in place.

If it was happening at the end of the last school year too didn't they consider splitting them up?

DelphiniumBlue Sat 21-Nov-15 13:43:52

Go back to the head, report it in writing every single time it happens.
Your DD needs to be telling the teacher every time, they also have a duty to report it.
Nationally, its just been anti,- bullying week, and the main thrust has been about speaking up. The school should have systems in place. I'd also be contacting the chair cof governors. Obviously, just speaking to the perpetrator isn't working, there needs to be further action, like exclusion.
I wouldn't waste any more time with chats, make sure every incidence is logged in writing, and make sure DD understands that she shouldnt feel that she needs to minimise it.

Seriouslyffs Sat 21-Nov-15 13:55:20

It's always an option, whether it's like to be successful or exacerbate the situation is another question.
Could you say to DD, 'you do know that if you told him to fuck off and gave him a good slap you wouldn't be in trouble with me'?

Hightechlowbudget Sat 21-Nov-15 14:11:01

It wasn't really reported last year, as I say it was just annoying. They are on separate tables. We have told her to tell the teacher each time it happens, but when told the teacher just tells him off then moves on.

I was going to start to keep a diary of the events, and I may send to the head each time. Good idea about the Chair of Governors.

Hightechlowbudget Sat 21-Nov-15 14:12:44

Re anti-bullying week. Her class did an assembly on bullying and her and her friend had to act out an episode of the bullying, in front of the whole school. That was on Tuesday, by Friday he was at it again.

Hightechlowbudget Sat 21-Nov-15 14:16:08

I don't want to let her down on this. She is trying really hard at school and a wonderful daughter. It is breaking my heart and I feel powerless, but your advice is really helpful and given me some ideas of how best to move forward.

lanbro Sat 21-Nov-15 14:26:32

My dsis was bullied at school, no real action taken by the school. My ddad rang the school and told the head dsis had his permission to react physically next time without repercussion. She did and the bullying stopped....

Hightechlowbudget Sat 21-Nov-15 14:41:56

My partner had a similar experience as a child. Bullied, so he thumped the bully and it stopped. His advice is hit first and hit hard. I'm not sure it is the correct approach, but it sounds like an approach.

Tiggeryoubastard Sat 21-Nov-15 14:47:28

A child at school was bullying lots of people. Quite nastily. The deputy head deing with it was one if these ineffectual idiots that kept taking the bully and whichever child they'd bullied in for a 'chat'. After a child was hurt pretty badly myself and other parents just told our kids to hit back, hard. The bullying was stopped in less than two weeks.
They've actually turned into quite a nice adult.

redexpat Sat 21-Nov-15 15:26:11

There are lots of threads on mn where poster after poster tells the tale of nothing stopping the bully, until one day they snap and hit back. YWNBU.

lljkk Sat 21-Nov-15 15:28:06

I think the classic advice from parent to child is "You never start it but by golly you make sure to always finish it."

Crazypetlady Sat 21-Nov-15 17:46:46

I hit a girl over the head with a tin lunchbox she was a year older and bullied me for years during primary. She didn't bother me again. I think if necessary as long as there is no severe injury . Sometimes it is needed.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sat 28-Nov-15 19:46:38

Find the school.complaints policy, and start refering to it in emails. Ask for the chair of govenors email address and start using that. Know your rights.
If shes comfortable yes hit back Dd may or may not have thrown a basketball in bullies face, he stopped

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 13-Dec-15 23:23:18

Any joy?

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