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What is the next step

(8 Posts)
MrsM2008 Thu 16-Jul-15 21:33:27

Hi all, really don't know what to do after this incident in school today. Here it is.

Picked up DS (year 2) today. Saw dried tears on his cheeks and asked him what happened as you would. He told me that he got pushed off a ladder on playground rather hard during lunch time by an older boy. DS, DS's best friend (who was with him at the time and saw it happening) and this boy got questioned by a staff member.

This older boy stated that DS kicked him in dinner hall. That's why he pushed DS off the ladder afterwards. DS denied doing it. And his best friend said DS did not do it. The staff shouted at DS, called him a liar and said he is guilty of kicking the boy. And DS was sent to sit in their 'naughty corner' while sobbing his eyes out (DS is a gentle and kind boy as his previous teachers have said.)

I questioned DS if he did kick the boy when he walked past him while the boy was sitting down eating his dinner. DS said he did not touch him and he does not recall the older boy turning around to look at him while DS walked past him.

What upset me is how could the staff only punish one child when they did not see what happened, spoke to DS in such a way that upset him and listened to one side of story only. I was not informed of this at all either (DS complained of his side where he landed hurt).

I would like to have words with school but I do not want to go in all guns blazing lol. What's the best way to approach this?? (sorry about the long winded post but just rather upset and hoping this is the right topic)

holeinmyheart Fri 17-Jul-15 00:08:46

You have every right to find out what happened. I think it is also important for your son, to show him that you intend to protect him.

However, you need to keep calm when you approach the school.

My approach would be to ask his Form Teacher for a quiet word. Go early as they are usually in School then. Explain that your son was upset and why.
Hopefully you will get a satisfactory explanation.

Be realistic though. Your lovely kind son could have done something. If he is 100% perfectly well behaved, it would be rather amazing.

Then when you have had a satisfactory explanation, I would try and forget it because it won't be the first or last time he comes home and tells you stuff.

When my DCs came home upset I would end up awake half the night fuming and worrying , and a few days later they would have forgotten the incident.

I think any hurt inflicted on your child by life , is always harder on the Parent. Sorry.

MrsM2008 Fri 17-Jul-15 06:51:03

Thank you for the advice. I will definitely stay calm.

My issue with it is why didn't this boy say something there in dinner hall when DS kicked him? If DS did kick him, I for sure will be having words with DS myself as he should know better.

The other thing is as well, the staff punished DS only. I am not certain if DS did kick him when DS walked past him. Let's just say he did whether on purpose or it was an accident. Does that mean it is acceptable for the older boy to push a younger child off a ladder?

I will have a word today and find out. I did talk to DS and told him it is a life lesson.

Hopefully he will forget about it soon

holeinmyheart Fri 17-Jul-15 21:24:38

Well without going and asking at the school you will never really know what happened. I had lots of DCs and lots of incidents happened at their various schools.
I always wanted to support them but sometimes they were economical with the truth. I would go in to school with all guns blazing and then it would turn out to be a different scenario.
So I tried always to remain calm. You can still be scary and calm.

MrsM2008 Fri 17-Jul-15 22:21:19

Did have a word with school. Staff said DS did say he kicked the boy. She also said the other boy was punished.

Both DS and friend are certain that the other boy wasn't punished as he walked off rather than sitting on the time out bench. DS denied kicking the boy. He told me he only said yes because they were questioning him for a long time.

I do not know what to believe at all. It is rather frustrating when I cannot find out what exactly went on. It's hard to be scary and calm at the same time for me. But I have said to DS do not admit to something you didn't do however long it takes.

Let's hope it's all forgotten by the time he goes back in September! Thanks for your input

daisydalrymple Fri 17-Jul-15 22:32:58

Mrsm, my ds1 is just finishing in yr3 and I know him and his peers all look up to the older boys, and I think one or two use this to their advantage negatively (minority thankfully).

ds also assures me the older boys barely notice them, so in the nicest possible way, hopefully this older boy isn't actually aware of who your ds is and won't remember him for anything to continue in September. x

MrsM2008 Fri 17-Jul-15 22:38:01

Daisy, DS walked past this boy this morning. This boy had his eyes fixed on DS and carried on staring at him! Also told DS to stay away from him. Let's wait and see what September brings! X

daisydalrymple Sat 18-Jul-15 20:25:44

Oh bless him, that's not nice. Ds1 has had issues with a couple of boys in his own class this year, who I've had to speak to the teacher about (being neutral and casting no blame, but saying how unhappy DS has been and can she please try get to the bottom of it!) I've had to hide my tears from him a couple of mornings when I've seen these boys blatantly ignore him when he's gone over. It's hard when you want to protect them but can't step in!! Enjoy the holidays x

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