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How do we find a bully at school who do not confront the victim directly????

(11 Posts)
tmmzj75 Fri 09-Jan-15 22:25:29

Dear All, my 7 year old daughter is currently a victim of bullying at school. I'm at a lost since the bully cannot be identified!! I’m starting to get very worried and extremely sad since my daughter yesterday said she’s actually accepting that the bully going to be around and she should just have to live with it…

This started late last year when her PE kit (store in communal area) was found scattered around the changing room. Nobody was identified as the potential bully and none of the children (including my daughter) was sure who it was. With the help of the teachers we found a way to halt this by storing my daughters belongs in the classroom. All was well until the beginning of this term when insulting graffiti was found marked on school property with my daughter’s name. The teachers at school have once again spoken to the children and as expected… nobody was identified as the bully! I'm worried that this will carry on and get worse.

I’m currently at a lost to what I’m able to ask the school to do next???
Please can anybody help????

noblegiraffe Sat 10-Jan-15 17:19:20

I've not had to do this myself, but another teacher on here has said that what they do is tell the class that they know who the culprit is, but that they want to give them a chance to own up before punishing them.

They then hand out slips of paper to the whole class and ask everyone to write down what they know about the situation.

tmmzj75 Sun 11-Jan-15 19:18:42

Thanks noblegiraffe, that's a good suggestion. I'm due to have a meeting with the school and I'll see what they plan. I'll put this suggestion forward and see how it goes. I really appreciate your help!

Muskey Sun 11-Jan-15 19:23:13

No advice but sorry to hear that your dd is the subject of this. I hope things get better soon

Gunfleetsands Mon 12-Jan-15 14:12:03

Noblegiraffe's idea sounds very good. Maybe one of her class mates will be able to pass on some information about the situation.

Often 7 year old children are quite open about being horrid to someone else.

Could you very carefully try and find out where your DD got the idea from about "accepting that the bully is going to be around and she should just have to live with it ...." Maybe she came up with that herself or has a friend or another child from her class/year said it to her and could that friend/other child actually be involved in the bullying.

When one of my DDs was a few years older than your DD she was the recipient of some anonymous bullying. Ever since then I would always say don't rule out looking at the friends as well as others. In our case it would appear that the 'friend' was getting some sort of pleasure out of causing a problem anonymously and then being all helpful.

7 year olds are most probably a bit young to be behaving as the girl in our own case did, but thought it might be worth mentioning.

Medoc Mon 12-Jan-15 14:15:31

This happened in my DD1's school and it turned out to be one of the girl's closest friends who was envious of her. It was caught by staff being extra vigilant about which children were out of the classroom in lesson time.
Good luck

Marphe Mon 12-Jan-15 14:33:17

I don't know what the answer is because I don't know what the school has already done, and it's possible you don't either, as they probably can't share everything with you but I do know that if a 7yo was being treated like this at our school there is no way on earth anyone would be saying "sorry, nothing we can do, what do you suggest?" to the parent.

IMO you need to insist it's resolved, it's their job to work out how and protect your child while she's in school, not yours, go to the governors if necessary and if that doesn't help, consider removing your child. They're 7, it can't possibly be that hard to work out who's responsible.

tmmzj75 Mon 12-Jan-15 22:31:37

Muskey, thank you and I appreciate your support!

Gunfleetsands, I was shocked that this has happened at such a young age too... Thinking back when I was at infant school, it was just play and fun!! I do not remember any thing remotely resembling bullying in our school until the last year before high school. I think children nowadays grow up a lot earlier and with it brings forward the more complicated issues at a younger age.

Medoc, I agree, it's most likely be a child who knows her. My DD has suggested a couple of names but the teachers have no proof. I'll definitely ask the school to keep an close eye on her friends.

Marphe, I won't be giving up this easily and I'm expecting them to give me a set of actions they have done already and what they plan to do next... the most important question they must answer me is how are they planning to find the bully???

Thank you all for your invaluable advice and can not express properly how helpful it has been to got this off my chest and be constructive!

Littlefish Mon 12-Jan-15 22:41:00

Have there been more than the two incidents you've outlined above?

tmmzj75 Tue 13-Jan-15 18:39:50

Hi Littlefish, three incidents in the changing room at the end of last year and two incidents of graffiti last week. Luckily nothing has happened this week... fingers crossed.

Quitethewoodsman Fri 16-Jan-15 20:29:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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