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Year 6 dd and bullying - ex-friends - please help

(8 Posts)
CocktailQueen Thu 27-Nov-14 16:12:39

DD is in Year 6. Up until a few months ago she had a nice group of friends. She was best friends with E and good friends with S and A. Now she is friendlier with S, and E and A are being nasty to dd - telling her she's lame or boring, ignoring her, whispering about her with others, looking over at her so it is obvious they are discussing dd, getting the boys and some of the other girls to ignore her/talk about her, etc.

DD has been grown up about it and has asked E why she's being horrible and asked her to stop it - but she says E is popular and is turning everyone else against her.

E has apologised to dd a couple of times, yet the next day has done exactly the same thing. DD says she hasn't done anything to antagonise her - and I do believe her, though I know most mums would say this! Today dd came home from school in tears and didn't go to an after school club because E and A go there, and she didn't want to face them on her own.

She and S had a word with the form teacher y'day about E and A, and the form teacher took them all aside and hat a chat but basically asked them to sort it out themselves. That hasn't worked sad

Have rung the school and asked to speak to dd's form teacher, but realistically what can she do? And how can I help dd stand up to these 'friends'? I hate to see her like this. And I don't understand how dd's friends can be fine one day then nasty the next. V odd.

Help, please!

holeinmyheart Thu 27-Nov-14 19:12:21

The form teacher can do a lot. Go back to her and insist. She may have 30 in the class and 4 million things to think about. You have to stick up for your child.
The other thing is to stay calm. Your anxiety will be picked up on by your DD and she will become more anxious.
Rehearse a script, before you go to the school and stick to it..

Also consider this.
I have brought several children up to adulthood and I think this sort of thing actually affected me more than them. It isn't at all good your DD crying and I would expect you to respond positively, but next year it may be some thing else. There is a fine line between protecting them and over protecting them.

Mine constantly off loaded all their problems onto me and caused me to have sleepless nights. Then, when they had off loaded, they slept like babies and I was left a nervous wreck. A few weeks later they had forgotten

It is a horrible situation but children are resilient.

CocktailQueen Thu 27-Nov-14 19:13:58

Thanks, Heart (nicer than calling you Hole!). I want to increase her emotional resiliency as she can be a bit over-sensitive. Thanks smile

Muskey Thu 27-Nov-14 19:21:02

I wish I had read your pst a few years ago heart! Your advice is so clear and sensible.

All I can say cocktail is I know exactly how you are feeling. It does get better eventually but year 6 like year 3 IMO are probably the worst.

CocktailQueen Thu 27-Nov-14 22:01:51

Thanks, Muskey. smile Glad to hear it!! Yes, Year 3 was tricky too.

CocktailQueen Fri 28-Nov-14 12:31:09

Update: form teacher has rung me and we had a good chat. Because they've had an informal meeting about behaviour, and now I've rung them, they will treat it as an 'ongoing issue'. She and the head of year will meet to discuss, and will chat to the girls. If there are any other issues, that will be marked on the bullies' permanent school record - which I imagine their parents don't want. S's mum is going to ring the school as well.

So, all positive. She was v good. Hope dd has a good day today. Bless her, she got a praise text from the school today, so she's not letting it affect her work!

Muskey Fri 28-Nov-14 14:59:14

I am really glad to hear that the school is actually doing something about it. I hope that things will go better now for you are your dd.

CocktailQueen Mon 01-Dec-14 13:36:18

Thanks, muskey. The issue has apparently been marked on dd's record as an 'ongoing problem', and she's worried about what that may mean. She was happier about going in to school today, so that was good.

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