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Dds ex friend ... Teacher wants them to be friends

(8 Posts)
butterfliesinmytummy Wed 05-Feb-14 04:10:31

Dd is 9 and started at a new school in September. She and another new girl (A) struck up a friendship but dd quickly realized (by October) that this girl was not the friend she wanted. A wouldn't let dd speak or play with anyone else, wouldn't let her speak or contribute in joint tasks and even hit her in the face one day. I wrote to the teacher outlining a series of events and asked that they be kept apart in class. The teacher said he had heard from A's parents so I've got a feeling that dd is probably giving as good as she gets although positive that dd has done nothing to physically hurt A. It seems there is a huge personality clash although other girls in the class have had similar experiences with A.

Today, dds teacher asked dd and A what can be done to help them get along. Dd is upset because she wants nothing to do with A but couldn't tell the teacher as A was right there. I have told dd to ask to speak to her teacher in confidence and tell him she's not interested in being friends with A but I'm also surprised that the teacher she pushing the friends agenda. Any ideas? Dd is my eldest and I have no idea about this type of thing.....

nooka Wed 05-Feb-14 04:44:26

The teacher asking your dd and A how they can get along with each other is not about making them be friends, but about reducing antagonism. They are classmates and need to generally get along with each other because chances are they may be in work groups etc. Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of the matter but it seems to me that the teacher is following fairly standard practice in managing the issue, and asking the girls themselves how they can resolve their differences is a good way forward, especially if it's just a clash of personalities issue.

mumeeee Wed 05-Feb-14 11:18:09

Your DDs teacher wasn't asking them to be friends but just wants to enable them to get along together.

neolara Wed 05-Feb-14 11:25:06

Good opportunity to learn a life skill about how to get on with people you doesn't particularly like.

littleducks Wed 05-Feb-14 11:25:43

Tell your dd they don't need to be friends but they need to be friendly to each other.

StrawberryMojito Wed 05-Feb-14 11:31:39

What the others said. You should tell your daughter that nobody can force her to be friends with this girl but that the teacher is right in that they should learn to be pleasant to each ignoring, no insults, no getting the other children not to play with the other etc.

DeWe Wed 05-Feb-14 11:41:20

If the teacher is asking specifically A and your dd how they can get along, then it sounds like there is a clash between them. If it was the case that several children and A are clashing, then he wouldn't have singled out your dd.

It's not about making them best friends, but helping them to learn to deal with someone else in the class/room/workplace that they don't get on with. Whatever the situation, they need to be able to work with them, and be polite, and not put each other down.

Your dd will gain immensely if she can learn to be able to deal with the other girl in a polite, casually friendly way. They will have to do some things together, and she needs to accept that. She doesn't need to be best buddies, but she does need to be polite and kind, and know when to walk away.

butterfliesinmytummy Wed 05-Feb-14 12:27:58

Thank you, some really good points. I'll have a chat with dd before she speaks to her teacher today. Dd just doesn't want to be near this girl but it's a good life lesson to get along with people you wouldn't choose to be friends with.

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