Son is being bullied by my friend's child.

[kakiqueen]

Hello.
My son is 8 and in year 3. He has been friends with boy x for five years as his mum and I are friends. We get along well but are not very close.

Every few months my son complains of boy x following him around, getting on his nerves and annoying him generally (my son's words).

I know boy x really likes my son and wants to be friends with him. Over the years my son has developed new friendships, which boy x finds hard to accept.I know they sometimes have a love/hate relationship, but this week things have come to a head.
The friend pinned my son up against the wall by his throat and threatened not to be his friend anymore if he didn't play with him.
My son would not make this up, so I do believe him that this has happened.The last few days my son has been so scared of going to school, he hasn't been sleeping and has a constant worry tummy
ache.
Today I wanted to speak to the teacher about this again (my husband and I have had to speak to the teacher each year as this kept cropping up every few moths. Things improve but then get worse again).The teacher is off sick today and I am so upset.
What do you think I should do?Shall I call and ask to speak to the head today?
Shall I call the school and make an excuse to collect my son at lunch time?
And how to I tackle the fact that this boy is my friend's child without it affecting our friendship negatively?
I feel so awful knowing that my son is at school with belly ache and is exhausted from not sleeping because of worrying about this boy.

Any advice is gratefully appreciated.
Thank you.

[AbouttoCrack]

This sounds like a really tricky situation. Was the pinning against a wall incident in class or in the playground? IME schools can find it very difficult to handle these sorts of playground issues. The class teachers are often not in charge while they are outside. The playground supervisors are crap at our school and don't handle tings like this. One boy in my youngest son's class has caused THREE other boys parents to pull them out and move them to another school since Y1. I woulod certainly talk to the Head this time, as yu have tried with the teacher several times before.
The hardest thing will be how your friend reacts if she gets called in. I don't think you should let her hear it from the Head. Speak to her to let her know what is going on at least. Easier said than done - I know.

[bigTillyMint]

I also think you should speak to your friend and tell her how your DS is feeling and that you are going to go in and speak to the teacher.

[Nataleejah]

Myself I would appreaciate if my friends informed me about my children behaving inapproprietly, before it goes out of hand.

[hennalyn]

You have to talk to the teacher and to the boy's mom afterwards. They have to address the issue and talk to the your son and to his friend. Bullying can have psychological impact to the victim, so as parents, we should act immediately.

[joyciegirl]

The school will have a policy on anti bullying on its website. Read it and see what it suggests children should do if they are being bullied. Usually it says TELL AN ADULT. Do you think your son has told someone? I think you should encourage him to if not. The sooner he gains the confidence to manage nasty situations like this the less likely they are to happen again. If he will tell a school adult you can also send a letter/email to the school saying you are encouraging him to deal with the situation according to the school policies but want the school to know so they can do what they need to do to support your son and also manage the sad boy who can only 'get friends' through threats!

[Longsuffering2]

Hi Kakiqueen - my son who is 10 has had a similar problem with a boy in his class - old friend, jealousy etc etc. I spoke to the mum who isn't a very close friend but I felt that her boy deserved to be given the benefit of the doubt before I took it to school. The mum was upset initially and has maintained her boys innocence throughout. HOWEVER - the bullying has stopped! And that is the main thing! Feelings between parents will heal over a month or two. Use your best diplomacy skills, allow the mum and her boy to save face - but have top of mind your goal - to stop the bullying. As far as I'm concerned, next time it goes straight to the school head to sort out - after all, her boy is innocent - so after first chance, let school sort it. Xxx

[Rexandralpf]

Formalise things. Email the school. Leave a paper trail. Detail every incident to date. Involve the head.

Text your friend 'really sorry to raise this with you but I've just had to contact the school about DS being on the receiving end of bullying. Please do buzz if you want to chat about it. I'm hoping its a just a blip in their friendship and hopefully things will resolve going down the formal channels'

[RandomMess]

Well it sounds as though your ds hasn't handled the situation well and has tried to exclude x and then x has retaliated.

So if you speak to x mum you can say that both boys need help moving on with their friendships rather than just x has done this violent act IYSWIM.

[fridayfreedom]

I'm not condoning what the boy did in grabbing your son by the neck but have you considered it from his point of view?
His friend of Five years is no longer wanting to play with him and he probably feels very left out and upset about this. He may struggle with friendships unlike your son .
He chose the wrong way of dealing with the situation and now he is being called a bully.
Please consider his feelings too. I've been there with DS at the same age. He changed schools and being a bit geeky struggled to make friends. He tried to pull a boy away from another boy when the second boy wouldn't let him play with them. First boys mother rang me to complain. I was new too so apologised. I really should have told her what it felt like to be left out and ignored. Still hurts now.
So I can see that you are upset and so would I be but there are always two sides.