not sure how to handle

[ofcoursethisisanamechange]

firstly any advice very gratefully recieved- I've not had to deal with anything like this before and am not sure what to do. I did look through all the threads but each situation is so unique so here goes. I don't really think this is bullying- but still want to speak to my children about how to deal with it. I have a DS-5 and DD-8. It came out last night, separately, that a girl in Y3 (so in between my two) has been saying 'mean' things to them both. My DS was upset by her but easier to tell him to ignore her. I was more surprised to hear she had been saying nasty things to my DD who is older than her. My DD won't say what she has said, but that she has done it more than once, sometimes in front of DS's classmates which was humiliating for her. So- I think this little girl has potential to be a bully- perhaps she is doing this to other children and I certainly want my DD to stand up to her- but not sure precisely what to do- any advice? My DD is a lovely girl, but not outgoing or overly confident, unlike the other girl.

[SoupDragon]

Would the MN classic "Did you mean to be so rude/mean?" work?

[SoupDragon]

I think it is bordering on bullying BTW - it could easily cross the line if it hasn't already.

[ofcoursethisisanamechange]

thanks Soup- I'll talk to her about using that as a reply- although in the actual playground trenches I'm not sure either of mine will remember that- but will certainly mention it. I actually think I know why this girl is doing it- she wants to 'big herself up' in front of the older kids- particularly the boys who she idolises-

[SoupDragon]

It may be worth mentioning it to your DCs teachers in case it carries on.

[50shadesofvomit]

How do your kids react?
Mine would stand up for themselves or friends being verbally assaulted and say something like "No I'm not" "Go away" " Shut up" "Leave me alone or I'll get a teacher" "You are XXX"

[ofcoursethisisanamechange]

tough call- from my DS's perspective this girl is 2 years above him, and she is quite physical. DD- although older- is quieter and not super assertive so I think both would just ignore her while being upset by her comments. I'm not sure telling her to shut up would help- it would probably just antagonise her.

[50shadesofvomit]

"Shut up" isn't the most eloquent response but when my kids say it they mean "How dare you say that?"

I think saying unkind stuff is common and maybe this child says it to your children because they don't stand up for themselves?(I'm not saying your children deserve to be verbally assaulted because obviously they don't.)

In the case of your ds, I understand it's hard because the girl is much older so it's harder for him and that adult intervention/supervision may be necessary but I still think it's common in playground situations to hear unkind things from another child and if it's unwarranted criticism then they should stand up for themselves. My dd is y5 and her brother is y2. If a y4 verbally assaulted her she would probably roll her eyes, laugh and tell the younger child where to go. Y2 ds wouldn't do the laugh and rolled eyes but would tell the bully to leave him alone or get an adult to intervene. If he was with his friends they would probably all go to an adult or tell the bully not to be mean.