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6 year old DD being bullied.... help with next steps?

(8 Posts)
OohMrDarcy Tue 18-Jun-13 11:15:23

Hi all

DD is 6 (Y1) and quite sensitive. Normally a very confident girl except around bad behaviours. She often struggled in reception with how to handle 'naughty' children. We made a lot of progress with her, teaching her that she didn't have to do what they said, that she didn't have to play with naughty people and that she should tell the teacher when certain things happened.

This year there is a new 'naughty' child in her class.... I use inverted commas as I have no idea if he has any SEN but has been very disruptive in class all year. DD has regularly mentioned him since the start of the year as in X pushed Y today, X got put on the sad face today etc etc (she is a right little gossip - I don't ask for this information)

Over the last few weeks - month, it seems that X has become focussed on DD in his behaviours... every playtime / lunchtime he seems to be actively seeking her out and pushing her over or chasing her, kicking her etc. I mentioned it to the teacher a few weeks ago, then again a week later when it didn't seem to have stopped.

Then DD started to get more upset by it - not sleeping well (waking up having nightmares that he had chased her), being a nightmare in the morning as she didn't want to go to school (she LOVES school) spending her weekends saying she had tummyache or felt sick (only when left to play for a while, it was clearly through worry)

so I spoke to the teacher again, she promised she was working with both DD and the boy to try and sort it, that weekend - more worrrying, more stories, more sadness, so I sent a note in with her yesterday morning (DH was dropping off) explaining things DD had said eg:

X is bullying me isn't he mum? (I hadn't used that word with her at all)
X won't ever stop hurting me
I have to play behind the shed at school or X can find me (heartbreaking)

I left my phone number in the note and asked for a meeting or phone call, saying when I was available.

I didn't hear anything. Talked to DD about it in the evening (I always keep it lighthearted and she outpours the information) It seems she spoke to her teacher herself and said she thought he was bullying her, and it seems teacher agreed. She has been told she can have access to the head or deputy whenever she feels she wants to talk about it. She has a TA checking on her after each playtime, and X is generally told off / sent to the deputy head to talk each time.

so - in my opinion what the school are doing re-actively seems to be right. However, I am not aware of anything they are doing to proactively stop him from chasing / hurting my DD

X apparently spent most of yesterday trying to kick her in the head (!)

DH and I agreed we needed to up the anti and sort this sharpish as DD being really affected by it now. I am expecting a phonecall from her teacher today (I am guessing at lunchtime) so what I am asking is what I can realistically expect the school to do in these days of inclusion policies?

I have a copy of the anti-bullying policy and I can see where I think we are in the process, but what happens next is very fluffy - being an infant school I guess they shouldn't have much cause for using it!

Any help / advice would be appreciated!

OohMrDarcy Tue 18-Jun-13 11:17:07

Sorry, I meant to add - if X does have SEN I know it is harder, but surely I have a right to expect DD to be / feel safe at school still?

OohMrDarcy Tue 18-Jun-13 11:27:44

oh dear that was epic - thankyou if you got to the end! blush

OohMrDarcy Tue 18-Jun-13 13:02:49


<shameless bump>

DeWe Tue 18-Jun-13 15:27:58

An infant school should still have an effective antibullying policy. Even if it's just for the look of it.
As you're describing, bullying can happen at that age, even if the other child thinks what he's doing is a game, she is feeling bullied by it, so the antibullying policy should be kicking in.

1. They won't tell you if X has SEN, so you can't tell, even if you directly ask.
2. Your concern is how they are going to stop it/protect your dd, so focus on that.

I would explain how your dd feels. I wouldn't talk about "bullying" but describe the behaviour and how your dd feels.

I would want reassurance that X will be stopped from chasing your dd.

OohMrDarcy Tue 18-Jun-13 19:41:01

hi and thanks DeWe,

the policy is there and looks good at a high level, but when you read it properly, it doesn't actually say what can be expected at this point other than parents will be asked to come in (we haven't)

anyway, I completely understand that I have no right to know anything about the boy. I ended up ringing the school towards the end of lunch and speaking to teacher

we have next steps which I am glad of, but lors of little bits of the conversation are making me cross the more I think of them, eg

hinting that DD shouldn't play with a girl that X likes so he doesn't get jealous
all but saying DD should change her behaviours as it will be easier for them than changing X

I am not happy about these, and will be brining it up with teacher tomorrow, I see it that its almost enabling the bullying boy!

so more talks happening, if it is still a problem next week then head teacher is getting involved

bobthebear Tue 18-Jun-13 21:35:12

Just saw your post on AIBU and came over here. I don't have any advice about the bullying but maybe copy and paste your OP in to Primary education. That's usually busier xx

OohMrDarcy Tue 18-Jun-13 21:37:05

Thanks bob, will do x

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