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Is this bullying or just fairly normal reception class behaviour?

(7 Posts)
Hanspannerly Fri 24-May-13 17:53:47

My DS is in reception class and up until recently has been loving and thriving at school. Has seems to have quite a few friends and is sociable during the school day. He plays with 2 boys in particular, both of whom have been to our house in play dates and whose mothers I get on well with.

Recently one of these friends has been saying mean things to DS along the lines of 'I'm not your best friend' etc etc, all fairly typical and which DS seemed to brush off easily. I'm sure that he says his fair share of this type of comment too, he's no angel.

However, the last couple of weeks there have been 3 incidents at school with this child. The first, he bit my DS on the arm apparently because my DS didn't do what he wanted at playtime. The teacher informed me at pick up time. Last week the same child stuck a craft wire up DS's nose and caused a nosebleed. DS has been noticeably more quiet the last few weeks and seems upset when I pick him up. He commonly says that the other boy has said or done things which aren't very friendly.

On wed I spoke to the teacher after school and voiced my concerns. Se reassured me that they would keep an eye out and that it was probably due to being overtired at the end of term. I was most concerned about DSs change of mood.

Today, my DS has a large and deep scratch on his face, done by the other boy and the teacher spoke to me again. She reassured me that the other child had been seriously talked to but I am worried about this situation.

I'd be grateful for any advice.

Oh yes, I have organised for both boys to come to the park during half term to try and repair their friendship.

birdsnotbees Fri 24-May-13 18:54:54

No advice really but No it's not normal. The whole "you're not my friend" thing is, but the biting etc.? Not. If it were me I would want to see the teacher after half term & find our what they are planning on doing about it. It's clearly upsetting your son & thus will be damaging his long term self confidence. I'd be furious, tbh.

birdsnotbees Fri 24-May-13 18:56:21

Clearly, if something happened twice in one week, the teacher is not dealing with it.

greenformica Sat 25-May-13 19:21:57

It's not normal. Your son needs to be happy at school.

Tanith Sun 26-May-13 11:07:20

I had this with my DS in reception and it got nasty very quickly, with him refusing to go to school. At its worst, he was sitting on my lap in the headteacher's office, shaking with fear, clinging onto his bedtime cuddly toy and sobbing at the thought of having to join his class.

It needs nipping in the bud.

Write down all the incidents to date as accurately as you can, with dates.
Keep a diary of any other incidents.

After half term, if there are any other incidents, put your concerns to the school in writing - don't bother with further verbal communications: it isn't working. In my experience, schools will fob off and placate verbal concerns, but written complaints are taken much more seriously.

You may find you can improve things over the half term with the one-to-one attention. This child is too young to be bullying in the malicious way that older children do, but he does need to learn that his behaviour isn't acceptable. I would also teach your own child coping methods to help him - shouting very loudly "Stop it - that hurts!!" often scares the other child off and will attract the attention of a supervising adult. Make it very clear to him that it is not his fault and he should not have to put up with this.

Mmmnotsure Sun 26-May-13 11:23:25

I'd be very careful here. It's the craft wire up nose thing that rang alarm bells with me.

My dd had similar problems with a girl in Yr 1 attacking her and others. The girl who was doing this wasn't pulled up on it quick enough, and it ended up with children in the class being terrified of her. The school did very little until she stuck the scissors in another little girl's head.

I agree with writing and noting down incidents instead of just mentioning it. And I would really make a big fuss - your ds's nose is very close to his eyes.

Hanspannerly Mon 27-May-13 21:03:56

Thank you all for your advice. I shall write things down with dates and if anything further happens after half term I shall write a letter and book an appt with the teacher. We've given DS lots of attention this weekend and today he has been much happier. Tomorrow is the farm with his best friend who is a very lovely boy. Thanks again.

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