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Bully boy jealous of my boy

(12 Posts)
EmilyAda Sun 10-Mar-13 10:31:40

Hi all
My T is being bullied by a govenors boy so school unwilling to get involved until I mentioned LEA. The trouble is he is what my old dad called "half sharp" so is in lower groups & rubbish at sport etc, where as my T is bright & sporty & very sensitive.
It was really distressing when bully was jealous of T when it was his birthday not being invited to join in outing etc & it spoilt his day because of his jeering - called him gay & belittled his gifts, this is when I first threatnd school with LEA, I have advised him to ignore as much as he can but I know from my bully experience how hard that is
The comments had reduced to low key until this week when he used the C-word which I really hate, I called school again & told them to sort it they have a week to do so. They are taking it more seriously now - the LEA threat works because it gets reported to Ofsted -
Now I have written this it seems so petty but it is persistant & sporadic every day then nothing for a week thats what wears him down not knowing when its going to happen next.
I met another mum & it seems her child is also getting same treatment so she is going to ring too. We will sort this I know it.
Thanks for reading thanks

MrsMushroom Sun 10-Mar-13 10:42:30

Well it sounds terrible but don't lower yourself by mentioning the boys poor performance at school or calling him "half sharp". If he has SEN then the senco as well as the HT need to get involved in stopping this behaviour.

harryhausen Sun 10-Mar-13 11:04:09

I read it as the OP mentioning the other boys poor performance at school because its relevant to why he's behaving badly towards her ds. I don't see it as 'lowering herself'. I've never heard of the phrase 'half-sharp' but if someone was bullying my dc's I'd be tempted to use it too (to myself and my DH - not at school of course!)

It sounds awful OP. Good for you in not letting it go. I hope it gets sorted soon.

MrsMushroom Sun 10-Mar-13 11:17:06

I just don't think it's wise to cast aspersions on a child's intelligence and OP would do well to remember this when making her justified complaints.

perplexedpirate Sun 10-Mar-13 11:23:09

'Half sharp' is a horrible phrase.
How did the boy know about your son's birthday outing/gifts in order to belittle them?

Hattifattner Sun 10-Mar-13 12:35:40

without belittling your son, could it be that he is a little too sensitive and you may need to teach him how to ignore personal jibes and rude words, rather than call in the authorities? Have you followed the official complaints procedure of the school? usually teacher, head teacher, governors, then LEA. Threatening LEA for verbal cat calling and name calling seems to be a sledgehammer to crack a nut. Maybe you are being a little over sensitive yourself?

Not minimising verbal bullying, but this is something everyone has to learn to deal with - there will always be people who resort to name calling and swearing, and its something we all have to learn to ignore. If you call in the big guns for a child calling your son a cunt, you are overreacting, in my opinion. Children do swear, the trick is learning when it is appropriate. Leave it to the head teacher to deal with.

The fact that the child's mum is a governor is neither here nor there. They would be asked to leave the room at the point this issue was discussed in a governors meeting (if indeed it even got to governors). Usually this would be dealt with by the chair and two other governors - usually a community and a LEA governor, or a foundation governor in the case of a faith school, unlikely to involve a parent governor. If you get no joy from the official paths, then by all means go to the LEA. But in all honestly, I very much doubt they will take any action for a young child calling yours a gay or a cunt. Or even for a daily ragging about anything.

Kids do poke fun of eachother, its what kids do. I would guarantee your son has said something horrible to someone at some point in his school career. You would be better served boosting your childs self esteem and teaching him how to cope with sneers and nastiness which will undoubtedly continue throughout his school career because kids are horrible to eachother.

Ultimately the bully wants a big reaction from his target. If he gets nothing, he will move on to someone else. He will soon be a very lonely lad.

MrsMushroom Sun 10-Mar-13 13:01:28

how old are the boys?

bruffin Sun 10-Mar-13 15:49:04

The birthday thing doesn't make sense to me either.

EmilyAda Mon 11-Mar-13 08:17:53

You have all made me feel the little person that I obviously am

thankyou for making me realise that this other child needs help havnt actually come across this before so will now take a new stand and try to help my boy help him

sorry i was a norrow minded person but thanks again for making me see this the right way round blush

MrsMushroom Mon 11-Mar-13 08:25:46

You don't need to take responsibilty for the other child. It's not your son's problem. We're just trying to point out that every child has issues and some are perhaps more hidden...and result in bad behavour.

When you see the teacher make sure you are not emotional about the other child's actions towards your son.

how old are they?

formicadinosaur Tue 25-Jun-13 18:42:21

Odd schools are too tolerant and passive when dealing with bullying. My sons school is. Ours basically boils down to a weak head with an ineffective bulling policy.

The worst thing you can do is ignore and be passive yourself. Set an example to your son. Don't put up with the rubbish

The examples you give sound small but when persistent and unresolved, could knock his confidence and lead to depression.

It doesn't matter what issues the other boy has, bullying is unacceptable. If the school thinks that sort of behaviour is ok, I'd seriously question the ethos of the school.

formicadinosaur Tue 25-Jun-13 18:45:34

Our head also bends to the powerful parents with position.

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