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bullied 7 yr old. Head saying that he is lying.

(17 Posts)
carrotsdotty Tue 29-Jan-13 13:17:05

hi i am really confused about this situation that happened this morning.

My DS is in yr 3, in a uk school. Over the last 3 years he has experienced verbal and physical abuse. Each time i have reported to the teacher or the head

He is a very quiet child and reluctant to report incidents to the teachers, over time we have encouraged him to tell and we have had some success with this, however yesterday we had an incident where he was punched in the stomach, i reported the incidents as i was told them by him after school.

Today at drop of i met the head and teacher of his class and had a chat. The head is very dismissive of my concerns and believes that most of the incidents are made up, in fact today going as far as telling him how the head believes the incident happened i.e. so X accidentally hit you on the head YES? My son just sat there mute and looked at the floor, she continued on X is your friend and it was just an accident, you know you shouldn,t lie it upsets mummy and daddy. I was furious but let her continue till she had finished and then said i did not agree and was still unhappy. The head then accused me of calling the teacher a liar.

I don,t believe any child should be told to their face that they are a liar by the head teacher, especially when they have very little confidence to start with to report bullying. My DS has physical difficulties and SEN, which they are aware of and now believes he is in the wrong for telling me.

I have no idea how to continue with this school now, short of removing him from the school which has been on the cards since xmas or am i over reacting?

Has anybody else had experiences of school being difficult?

brainonastick Tue 29-Jan-13 13:21:32

I don't have experience of this, but I just wanted to say I don't think you are over-reacting at all.

What is the schools policy on bullying? As the head isn't following it, could you go over her head to the board of governors?

Separately, I would also look at your options over moving school, and get those into place so it is a quick plan b.

I'm very sorry for your son sad

brainonastick Tue 29-Jan-13 13:24:03

I think in the short term, you should also ask for the notes of the meeting. If there are no notes, then put this in writing to the head - noting all the instances, and their reactions, and asking what they propose to do to tackle the situation. That way she would be forced to call your son a liar in writing, which she might be loathe to do.

carrotsdotty Tue 29-Jan-13 13:43:18

Thanks brain the school anti-bullying policy is nowhere to be seen not on the website and no reference there to it either. Will ask for that. Good idea on asking for notes, ive kept details but dont know if school has?

brainonastick Tue 29-Jan-13 14:17:38

Hmm, shows how much the head cares about this. She sounds like a typical 'if i deny it,its not happening' type angry.

I'm also not sure how much traffic this board gets (I saw this in active convos), so you could try a link in education or chat to get ideas from people who have been in this situation. Good luck.

carrotsdotty Tue 29-Jan-13 15:21:19

Thanks once again. I may try again in chat, i appreciate your replies.

GooseyLoosey Tue 29-Jan-13 15:27:02

My ds was a victim of sustained low level bullying until Yr 4 (when I moved him).

I always told him that dh and I are there to help and support him. That is our job and he must tell us. If there was a problem it was our job to sort it out and he was never, ever wrong to tell us.

I would like to tell you that I found a solution, but I did not. Over the years there were some things that helped but they all required the engagement of the school (who did try).

What I would say is that since I moved ds, he has been a different child. If you are thinking about moving your son already have you actually investigated the alternatives?

lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 15:30:40

My DD has had a thinly veiled accusation of lying. It was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak, and I'm moving her.

The difference in one day, after being told that she is moving, is immense.

ArbitraryUsername Tue 29-Jan-13 15:31:18

DS1 was bullied badly in his previous school. The teachers ignored it, trivialised it and in some cases actually supported the bullies and punished DS for being bullied. Indeed, some of the teachers decided that they'd bully him themselves wish I'd made a formal complaint.

If the school are being difficult, I'd move him. There's almost nothing you can do when the HT takes this kind of line. Find a school where your son will get the support he needs (and deserves).

ArbitraryUsername Tue 29-Jan-13 15:32:47

The difference in DS1 after we moved him was amazing. He's still a bit under-confident years later but it has been absolutely the best thing for him.

MariusEarlobe Tue 29-Jan-13 15:34:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carrotsdotty Tue 29-Jan-13 15:38:29

Yes Goosey, i dont think there's really many other options when our head refuses to acknowledge any problem, the problem is it will involve removing another child who has lots of friends (different year group). That's out dilemma.

IslaValargeone Tue 29-Jan-13 15:39:57

Agree with brain re finding out about the anti bullying policy and also looking into alternatives if all else fails.
I ended up taking my dc out of school after the school refused to tackle a bullying problem. They even had to call me twice to explain bruises on her but still refused to acknowledge it was anything other than 'girls falling out, like they do at that age' She was 8! we had bedwetting and all sorts, it was a bloody nightmare.
I really hope you get things sorted. It breaks my heart when I read things like this.

GooseyLoosey Tue 29-Jan-13 15:46:44

One of the key children involved with ds was the most popular boy in the year. He encouraged other children to be unkind to ds. Individually they were all lovely, but together they formed a mob. I do understand where you are coming from.

Moving is not an easy choice but when ds told me that for the first time he understood what it was to have real friends, I could have wept.

carrotsdotty Tue 29-Jan-13 16:16:45

We came so close to removing DS in November last year but talked ourselves out of it, wish i'd gone ahead with it now. Thanks for all the imput, will have a look into making a complaint to ofsted.

lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 16:20:08

You'll need to go through the complaints procedure first. The school should have it documented. At DD2's old school the procedure is:

-school teacher
-head teacher
-chair of governors
-governing body panel
-Secretary of State

I one sense, I want to complain. In another, realistically I know that nothing will be done. A head teacher vs a parent. It's irrelevant - I have a new place for DD2 now.

carrotsdotty Tue 29-Jan-13 16:40:52

I can see your point Lougle, wow, a whole load of stress again there then sad

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