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Heads / teachers / OFSTED staff? I think DD (6) is being bullied and I really need help.

(6 Posts)
JoyceDivision Sun 25-Nov-12 20:40:54

I'll try to not waffle, but I'm spending all weekend with my stomach in knots feeling like I could cry for my poor DD who is such a lovely, witty bright little girl.

Unprompted at the weekend, she told me, then dh, that a girl at school who I thought was her friend and lives really close so we see her out of school had bruised her knee and pinned her against a wall by her arms and called over a boy to punch her. I asked DD if she told a teacher and she replied no as she couldn't get away, and afterwards there was no teacher.

I've message dthe girl mum who I know asking if she could check with her d if they'd had a fall pout as DD had mentioned of this incident. The mum message back, said she'd asked her d and she'd said they play together, but what child is going to admit to it?? so I'm non the wiser on this route.

DD has preb had an incident where she was pushed around by another girl because she wanted to exclude dd from an ongoing friendship. I spoke to the head re this incident who got the girls together top show them some new changes in the school she thought they might like then talked about friendship and being friends, so that seemd to be sorted.

Basically, DD is a lovely girl, she plays nicely, all her school reports from nursery to reception class at school say how she has a fab sense of humour, very caring, sociable, pleasant.. so why the fuck is she getting bullied??? She's too nice, she's getting picked on because she's not a dominant personality.

DD s school has had nearly a full staff turnover in about 7 years, and reception teacher was fab, but in yr1 the new teacher is NQT, and she doesn't seem to have a strong management over the class (head picked up on this in my comments from the last incident where I mentioned DD had been hit and when she went to tell her teacher she couldn't hear her because it was noisy when they were getting ready for PE...)

The school is supposed to be a decent school in the area, but like any school it isn't immune from bullying

I t breaks my heart to think of DD having this happen at school, esp as she seems almost resigne dto being excluded from groups of friends. I help out at school and when I leave at breaktime I walk past the playground and dd is either stood next to two or three girls hoping to join in but often getting left as they drift off or just running round the playground by herself, if I ask if she had a geed day and mention something like 'Oh I saw you running round, you're really fast!' she'll say 'Oh I juystr run round by myself mummy, but it's ok I don't mind' (Im now sat crying typing this)

Dh is doing school run tomorrow and is going to speak to teacher, but tbh I'm fucked off that theres been lots of litle uiincidents particularly in this year and I want to take it further. I know the school is due an ofsted and don't want to have bullying on theirr ecords so I want to complain and have it recorded, but how do I do it to get action taken, be taken seriously and get help for DD?

Really really want help here. I'm going to have tea soon and have work to do, and I can't log on from work tomorrow so my responses may be a bit delayed but I really really would appreciate help with this

Thanks in advance, apologies for crap typing, due to beiung so cross and rubbish at typing..

TreadOnTheCracks Sun 25-Nov-12 20:59:37

It sounds rotten for your DD and I would be in knots over this too.

Definitely agree about talking to the teacher. I think I would keep a log of everything that happens too.

This may be of some help:

I hope it's sorted really soon.

JoyceDivision Sun 25-Nov-12 21:00:40

thank you, will oook at that later when have chance

squeezedatbothends Sun 25-Nov-12 21:07:46

Oh you poor thing, how sad. I would definitely talk to her teacher and tell her everything you've told us. Being an NQT doesn't mean she won't have some good ideas, even if the class is noisy when they change for PE. Could you also invite other children over for tea? Maybe not the girl you mentioned, but other children? Does she go to any clubs or extra curricular things where she might make friends? I'd also tell the other Mum straight about what your daughter has said and see if the two of you can get to the bottom of it together. Best of luck - I really feel for you both.

cansu Mon 26-Nov-12 07:54:03

It seems from your post that there was another incident with another child which the head dealt with to your satisfaction. You haven't yet given school a chance to deal with this latest issue and you are already talking about complaining? Why not speak about this calmly with your dd teacher and give them a chance to speak to the ther child about what happened. If you think your dd is also having problems making friends talk to her teacher about this and see if they can help. By the way phoning your dd 'friend' mum is not a good idea. You have actually muddies the waters here because you didn't tell her that her dd hurt your dd and was bullying her you asked if they had fallen out. Anyway I would let the school deal with this or you risk making the situation worse. What are the other little incidents you have mentioned? If they are related to your dd falling out with other girls then this will happen as this is what happens with children. If they are incidents of your dd being targeted or excluded on several occasions by the same child or group then yes you are talking about bullying. But surely if this was the case you would already have made a complaint about this? I can understand that you are upset and you are absolutely right to want school to act but try not to over react as it won't help resolve things for your dd.

Wigginsbottom Mon 26-Nov-12 15:28:00

Sorry to hear you're so upset. I sympathise -as a recently retired head I know how anguished parents get about this sort of stuff. Also, as a devoted gran I recognise the desire to pull the head off any child who upsets my 4 year old grand-daughter!
Bullying issues are covered under safeguarding under OFSTED. What is absolutely key to this is that the school has a very clear definition of bullying, which for younger children needs to be "making other children unhappy ON PURPOSE". This removes a lot of the ambiguity regarding genuine accidents, tripping up etc and any incidents can be properly investigated. Other children around, who usually have a well-developed sense of justice, always know if an incident involved "making someone unhappy on purpose". This definition includes any kind of behaviour - name calling, physical attacks, hiding stuff, leaving out of games etc. The incident described would clearly be bullying under this definition, and it's an important part of school culture that all children recognise this.
It is absolutely critical that all staff (TAs, lunchtime supervisors etc) are trained in the school's antibullying policy and procedure - NQTs should have been trained as part of their induction procedure very early on and definitely by this stage of the school year. I suggest you ask the head for a copy of the school's agreed policy/procedure and check whether you feel it is being implemented. If not, ask for a meeting with the head and the parent governor linked to safeguarding/pastoral care/emotional wellbeing/personal, social and health education for further discussion.
You might also like to have a chat with your daughter about being assertive - making sure she tells an adult if someone is unkind. I have dealt with children who were being bullied but didn't tell anyone, so making it hard for the school staff to deal with it. If the culture is right, then other children will recognise bullying behaviour and support the victim in this sort of situation. Good luck with it!

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