Need to know what is "normal" behaviour for 6yo boys in Y2 please

[purplecrayon]

My DS is 6yo, Y2.

He has had some run ins with a boy in his class and I don't know what is normal behaviour and what isn't? I don't think it is bullying, it doesn't seem that serious to me, but it is getting worse and my DS is upset about it. I'll call the other boy X.

They have been in the class together since YR and up until a few months ago they were good friends. My DS still considers X to be a good friend and goes up to him to play during breaktimes. X runs away and encourages any boys with him to also run away from my DS. The boys with X vary and I don't really think it's anything to do with any of them. DS will generally approach again and ask them to play and again, X will get all of them to run away. If my DS approaches again (which he will because he thinks X is still his friend), then X will start calling him names, taking the mick out of him and laughing etc. Then DS will get upset and go and sit on his own, probably take it to heart and be miserable and grumpy during lessons.

So, I suppose the questions are whether this is ordinary 6yo stuff and therefore does my DS need to toughen up? Do I need to spell it out to DS that this boy no longer likes him and doesn't want to be his friend at all so my DS must stop asking to play with him at breaktimes? Or do 6yo boys generally just play in a bundle and not really worry about who is playing and who isn't - in which case I would have to talk to the school about X excluding DS? I don't really know what to think so any advice would be appreciated. As background, X is a little bit of a practical joker sort of child and my DS is a bit more sensitive. I don't know if it has gone beyond a joke now though because DS is being excluded every day? I have told my DS to find other children to play with, he is friendly with all of the boys (unfortunately not really interested in playing with girls) but it never seems to happen. TIA!

[AlfalfaMum]

I've got three girls, but if anyone was treating one of them like this I'd have a word with the teacher. I think X is behaving like a little shit.
This is bullying if it's recurring, it sounds like it is?
I find the involving other children in excluding your DS especially mean.

[purplecrayon]

Yes, it's definitely recurring. At first, it was occasional and I just put it down to them being little etc but it is has happened today, last Friday and last Thursday so it is getting too much.

I'll talk to the teacher I think, I just wasn't really sure what is the norm for 6yos and friendships.

[MrsBradleyJames]

Yes definitely talk to the teacher. This isn't acceptable. X is being as Alfalfa mum put it, a little shit and he needs to have it spelled out to him that he is being unacceptably mean.
If this goes unchecked he will think it's ok, and it's not! If this was a sibling of your DS, at home, you would not let them treat him this way, would you? So it's not acceptable at school either. I'm sure the teacher will be happy to help. Definitely raise it. Good luck.

[AlfalfaMum]

Do speak to the teacher sooner rather than later, it sounds like a horrible way to spend break times.
This type of behaviour is fairly normal unfortunately (at least in my DC's experience), but it's mean and damaging and needs to be addressed and nipped in the bud. Children can be unkind if left unchecked.

[purplecrayon]

Thanks both, I will definitely go into school tomorrow in that case. I feel such a fool for not seeing it clearly sooner.

[MrsBradleyJames]

Don't feel a fool at all, I think we all struggle with striking that balance between helping our child and being over protective or fussy!

It's true though that children can be mean and frankly cruel if they don't get boundaries and get reined in occasionally. It's easy to forget that. But these kids in your son's year are very young, of course they need guidance and boundaries about how to behave. The teachers will have seen it all before. All the best!

[purplecrayon]

Thanks

[AlfalfaMum]

I don't think you're a fool at all (quite the opposite) purplecrayon, in this kind of situation it takes a while to see a pattern developing, and when it's just a few isolated incidents I know it can feel a bit PFB to go and say something :)

[purplecrayon]

Update...

I did see the teacher this morning and she has said that she will ask the staff in the playground to look out for my ds and that he should go to them if there is a problem. Hopefully it will make a difference, it's only infants out to play so should be manageable. Thanks for encouraging me to go in to see her.

[Differentangle]

Purplecrayon I have huge sympathies. This is exactly what is happening to my dc at the moment. The problem is it is really isolating my child. It is bullying in my opinion and needs to be addressed. In my childs case, the bully has incited other children who were my childs friends to not play with him. We are now considering moving schools.

[CocktailQueen]

This is horrible. At our school kids are not allowed to say to another kid, 'you can't play with us.' So I'd go in to the school and have a word. Horrible behaviour.