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Can you please help clarify what the nature of this is? DH wants police involved.

(149 Posts)
cressidacow Sun 23-Sep-12 08:38:35

Have name-changed.

Ds, 12, throughout Y7 has been bullied by one child in particular, I will call him Tony. I have lsited events below so hopefully it is easier to read:

Tony has repeatedly called ds names ie "dyslexic" and laughing at how he walks (ds has SEN and is being assessed for dyspraxia).

During a swimming lesson, Tony held ds' head under the water 4 times, each time for and estimated 7 or 8 seconds. Ds repeatedly told him to stop. When ds tried to get out of the pool, Tony grabbed him by the leg and pulled him back in.

Tony has asked ds to give him money.

Tony told ds he was going to come into his bedroom and strangle him on an upcoming school trip abroad.

All the above has been reported to school by email.

We nearly pulled ds out of the trip abroad but he was keen to go so we relented after expressing our concerns to the teacher organising the trip. She said (in her words) that they would "look after him like he was our own son".

During the trip Tony and 3 other boys (Year 9s) repeatedly came into the room ds was sharing with a friend. Firstly the boys were just throwing things around but then, late at night, they came in. One sat on ds's feet whilst another sat over ds' face and rubbed his balls in ds's face. Another boy got into bed with ds, put his arms round him and started humping against him (in ds' words) "he was trying to have sex with me". Tony was present during all this but ds cant be sure who did what because the lights were out.

Ds' roommate had locked himself in the bathroom during all of this. Both he and ds were told they would be beaten up if they reported it. According to ds' roommate, while he was hiding he could hear the boys talking about deleting pictures they had taken with their phones. Ds's roommate refuses to tell the school because he is petrified.

Ds told us after Tony had allegedly assualted another boy in the PE changing rooms last week.

If you have read this far, I thank you.

Please could someone advise how far we should take things. We have been in to see pastoral head on friday. We want to know what we can realistically expect the school to do.

lamoseley Mon 05-Nov-12 21:38:34

I didn't want to read and run.
My daughter is the latest play thing for the school bully. We are at the start of process to move her.
Your sons safety and well being are paramount. I would not send him in until you know he was 100% safe.
Just wanted to offer my support. Best wishes x

takeonboard Mon 01-Oct-12 13:04:41

Well done and great for your DS that he is able to go back to school and the bully has been removed - too often its the other way around.

FellatioNelson Mon 01-Oct-12 09:00:21

I'm so glad you took the decision to go to the police - I'm sure it has helped in making the head sit up and take notice of you - it would have been so easy for him to dismiss it all childish pranks otherwise. Most level-headed reasonably intelligent people do not involve the police easily or without a great deal of thought where children are concerned, so I'm glad you have been listened to, by them and the school.

And I am so glad your son is back to feeling happy and positive about school, and hoepfully this will be the last of it now. Bullying makes me sick to my stomach. I know that all bullies are allegedly unhappy 'victims' of some sort themselves but I find it very hard to have any compassion or understanding when they are making some child's life an absolute misery.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Mon 01-Oct-12 05:35:50

Oh well done! I hope your ds is ok, & please keep checking at the school to make sure they follow through on everything (& not bury it!).

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Mon 01-Oct-12 05:13:57

Good news, well done.

Nice to have a positive ending.

HiHowAreYou Sun 30-Sep-12 18:11:39

So pleased that this was taken seriously and dealt with to your satisfaction. Good news. smile

perfectstorm Sun 30-Sep-12 17:41:33

cressida I am certain the head would have tried to continue to bury this and minimise it and make it all about your child, had you not intervened. Which means it is not just your own child you have protected. You will have scared the head into applying child protection policies in future, to stop this incident coming up alongside another later one, so you've protected a lot of other people's children too, as has your ds. I hope he knows how his courage and willingness to stand up and be counted will work to make sure nobody else has to cope with the crap he has. He's a bloody hero in my eyes.

So glad there are people like you and your family about - and that the police now recognise these sorts of crimes as serious and corrosive, too, and pulled the head up sharply.

I hope all goes well for your son in future.

Downfall Sun 30-Sep-12 17:19:04

So pleased to hear your DS is feeling safe and happy, OP. Ive been thinking about you.

Panadbois Sun 30-Sep-12 16:57:04

I've just hugged my DS after reaing this thread. I'm horrified with what your son had to put up with.

amillionyears Sun 30-Sep-12 16:54:05

Can I ask,are other parents at the school aware of what has been happening?

RandomMess Sun 30-Sep-12 16:53:35

I'm glad the police have taken this seriously and kicked the schools butt into taking action.

Very happy that your ds is happy again.

Pancakeflipper Sun 30-Sep-12 16:37:15

I think you are right. Glad you got the police to tell the Head how serious it really is

cressidacow Sun 30-Sep-12 16:27:34

Thanks pf. I really didnt want a court case, poor ds has had enough and just wanted to get on with his life!

I am so glad we took the course of action we did though. I have my suspicions that without the police to add weight and credibility, the Head might have tried to minimize the situation and save his own arse.

cressidacow Sun 30-Sep-12 16:25:16

Hi, yes we have been into school - dh and I spent 2 hours with Head last Monday followed by a further meeting on Wednesday to outline the conditions for ds to return. I think the Head listened to what we have to say. We shall wait and see.

Pancakeflipper Sun 30-Sep-12 16:20:35

That's brilliant.

My friends daughter recently went to court due to a girl at school who stole some of her possessions outside of school and then attacked her Even though they won the courtcase the entire ordeal was awful so I think it is right for your son to not have to go through that lengthy process.

Hope the SS find the help this child requires so he never does anything like this in his future years.

Ladymuck Sun 30-Sep-12 16:11:40

Sounds as if you have had quite a week. I'm glad you were able to take action, and this undoubtedly will have helped your ds to feel more secure. Well done, as I know taking what could be seen as extreme action is hard to do.

It isn't clear as to whether you have met with the school yet? If you haven't then I presume that that is next on the agenda?

cressidacow Sun 30-Sep-12 16:04:50

Hello, just a quick visit back here to update.

Police were great and took the incident very seriously. They have been into school and have talked to boys involved. They also had a meeting with the Head and I hope this has had an impact on how he treats bullying issues in the school in future. Police/SS said they have "alot of work" to do with the main perpetrator. He is out of the school (not sure if a perm or temp exclusion) so ds feels he has been listened to.

Police wont be taking any further ie no one will be going to court because it is so hard to establish who did what. Im fine with that decision as is ds. As long as he can carry on enjoying school (he loves his school in every other respect) I'm happy.

So ds has returned to school at end of last week.
Ds back to being a general pain in the arse so I think he feel ok about everything.

Thanks again to everyone support and advice. It was invaluable to me. xx

takeonboard Thu 27-Sep-12 10:19:27

Where's the OP?
I hope everything is ok and being dealt with by the police....

LikeSilver Tue 25-Sep-12 09:49:41

Please contact the Police. Your DS has been assaulted and the school's reaction is pathetic.

I would bet £££ the bully has been/is being sexually abused themselves nd consequently also needs protection.

seeker Tue 25-Sep-12 09:42:14

I am a little concerned that the op hasn't come back. I hope that means that she is getting what she needs in RL, or that the police have told her not talk to anyone. But,OP if you are reading this, and the school has told you not to discuss the situation, be very careful. This is a classic technique for making bad stuff in an organisation "go away". I hope all's going well.

PiedWagtail Tue 25-Sep-12 09:28:37

Knows, not nows! blush

PiedWagtail Tue 25-Sep-12 09:28:22

That is absolutely appalling. I'd contact the governors asap. I'd also contact the police. Tony is obviously disturbed and who nows what he could do next? Vile. he had his horrible mates need to be excluded from school . Hugs to you.

bringbacksideburns Tue 25-Sep-12 09:19:42

That should have said Any news, hope your son is ok?

bringbacksideburns Tue 25-Sep-12 09:19:07

Any new OP? Hope your soon is OK, under the circumstances.

perfectstorm Tue 25-Sep-12 03:02:01

Bluntly, private schools are businesses. They rely on reputation to recruit. They are fierce on protecting that, and you need the police to protect your child because the school are abysmally failing. So glad you are taking action. And so, so sorry for you and him and your DH. Thank God he has parents he was able to tell, and who support him.

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