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Talk to teacher or parent?

(17 Posts)
IawnCont Mon 10-Sep-12 14:03:45

That is a brilliant idea Maryz- Thank you, I'll use it! smile

daytoday Mon 10-Sep-12 13:49:38

Speak to teacher. You never know, there may be lots of this going on and other parents may have already been in to speak to the teacher too. You are equipping the teacher with information that will help them in the class.

Maryz Mon 10-Sep-12 13:39:35

Instead of "he's said a couple of mean things" try "could you have a word with your ds, he seems to be a very popular boy and the others look up to him (compliment first) so maybe if you could ask him not to make fun of ds or to say (whatever) the others would follow his example and give ds a bit of a break", or something like that?

I used to find that telling other parents that their children are "leaders" and could influence other children for the good got the parents and sometimes the children onside, if that makes sense.

It's hard in a small school - there were ten girls in dd's class in primary and that seemed small enough (especially when the popular group had about six in it at one stage).

IawnCont Mon 10-Sep-12 12:58:18

Oh God, I know exactly what you mean about facebook maryZ. I thank my lucky stars that it didn't exist when I was a teen- I would have been mercilessly bullied on it as well as making an utter twat of myself on there, probably.

I know what you mean about boys too, though it hasn't been physical with DS. Thing is, he's in a tiny village school and the four other boys in his class are obsessed with football and fighting. He's just not like that, so I can tell he's going to be left out a lot. The boy who's mean to him has just made little digs- drawing a picture of a weird boy and saying "look, that's <ds' name>" and taking the piss out of his speech impediment. DS is brilliant- It hardly seems to bother him at all- But he would rather it didn't happen IYKWIM. And I think I'll mention it to the boy's mother before it gets bigger. Something like "hey, would you mind having a word with your DS for me? It's just that he's said a couple of mean things to my DS, and it's making things a bit unpleasant for him."

Maryz Mon 10-Sep-12 12:29:37

She'll be fine.

Fucking facebook. Of course. I am so glad we didn't have facebook when I was a teenager - it's bad enough feeling left out and unwanted without having your nose rubbed into it seeing what everyone else it up to without you.

And then seeing them write all about how much fun it was.

etc etc etc. Facebook is really cliqueyness in its worse form. And it isn't actually bullying. It just feels like it.

Boys are easier usually, IawnCont. They generally just thump each other and forget about it - bewildering to watch, but so much easier grin.

IawnCont Mon 10-Sep-12 12:23:42

I am in a similar situation OP. Boy in DS' class has started making snide comments, nothing big or serious but enough to make me hate the child for all time to get me a bit worried. DS isn't too bothered, though, and we've said if it happens again, I'll speak to his mother. She is one of my very best friends, and I can be pretty sure she'll be mortified and do something about it. I reckon if you're friends with the mother, you may be able to guess how she'll react, and act accordingly.

maryz Your poor daughter. I remember that feeling and how cruel teenagers can be, even when they seem so adult. It's bloody horrible. sad

Caerlaverock Mon 10-Sep-12 12:23:39

Hope your dd is ok maryz.

Caerlaverock Mon 10-Sep-12 12:23:03

At least with boys we can sit down together and have a good old bitch! I am being neutral with dd, lots if ' well x is a good friend etc etc' and discussing self preservation techniques.

Maryz Mon 10-Sep-12 12:17:25

It's one of the most horrible things about being a parent - seeing them being hurt by their friends and being able to do nothing about it.

You do better if you can distance yourself slightly emotionally, and be a little more neutral about it, so you can be sympathetic to her but also be proactive and constructive in how you deal with it and how you teach her to deal with it.

dd is 16 now, and I'm currently dealing with her being very hurt by so-called friends - lots of really horrible stuff going on behind her back. It makes me want to just sit down and cry for her sad. But I have to be positive and work with her to rise above it all. We have had a lot of practice over the years as she was isolated quite badly at one stage in primary school and learned to live with it then.

And just wait until they get hurt by fuckwitted teenage boys hmm. The urge to thump them can be overwhelming (don't any spotty, mangy, pathetic 16 year old mess with my precious dd [mutter]).

Caerlaverock Mon 10-Sep-12 11:32:18


brass Mon 10-Sep-12 11:31:31

even if she isn't upset today make sure it is on the teacher's radar. They need to know when this stuff is going on so they can nip it in the bud.

brass Mon 10-Sep-12 11:30:25

always the teacher, never the parent.

EdithWeston Mon 10-Sep-12 11:29:31

Always, always go to the teacher about things that are happening in school.

I hope though, OP, that it proves to be storm in a teacup and that things are fine today.

Caerlaverock Mon 10-Sep-12 11:14:37

Thanks folks, I am ridiculously upset ATM, I am afraid my dd has inherited my over sensitivity! I am v. Hesitant about talking to mother as I can imagine it might make things worse. If dd is upset today I will talk to the teacher.

Sirzy Mon 10-Sep-12 10:57:00

I would talk to both, tell the mum that your DD has been a bit upset by her daughter and ask the school to keep an eye on the situation.

Maryz Mon 10-Sep-12 10:55:25

If it is happening at school, go to the teacher, always, not the parent. In my experience, talking to parents is seen as criticising their precious baby, and doesn't go down well.

Talk to your dd as well - 8 is a typical time for girls especially to turn into right bitches have changing friendship groups, and it is possible that she and this child are simply growing apart from each other. Encourage her to have different friends, maybe ask another child to play after school etc.

But do talk to the school so they can keep an eye on it.

Caerlaverock Mon 10-Sep-12 10:52:02

Dd is being 'teased' and ostracised by friend at school. It started last week, I have seen this girl do this to other children. I was hoping dd could just ride it out but she felt nervous going to school today. Also, I saw first hand the little girl ignoring her and gathering all the other girls away from her. And am really upset. They are 8. I am good friends with the mother.

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