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DS is being bullied.....................

(11 Posts)

he is in year 5 so another whole year to go at his primary school.

TBH this has been going on for a while and he has been giving me little snippets of what is going on and I have been telling him and myself that it isnt bullying but just kids being kids. However, with recent events unfolding I now realise that is bloody is bullying and its not ok.

Ok this is the sort of thing that is going on:-

He gets pushed over
He gets pinned down and sat on
if he is running one of the kids will stick out their foot so he trips over
they chuck stuff from his pencil case into the bin
one kid painted his shirt
they call him names such as midget, small and slow

all this is because.............................he doesnt like football!!

I have today asked for his teacher to give me a call and arrange when I can go and have a meeting about it but really, so close to the end of this school year realistically what are they going to do.

Look at the list above and tell me this is not bullying.

I am tempted to approach one of the mums (I know her, she is really nice and would probably be mortified) in a nice way and ask if she can have a quiet word with her son about it all but another friend has said to leave it to the school to sort.

Any words of wisdom? I feel so sad for him, he is such a lovely kid !

ajandjjmum Wed 04-Jul-12 12:18:05

I would speak to the Mum quietly, and explain what's happening and how much it's upsetting DS. Maybe arrange a few visits over the summer, so at least one of the 'bullies' can hopefully be brought on-side. I would have reacted exactly as you did - kids messing around, but there comes a point where you have to deal with it.

As an aside, I once had a call from a Mum because DD (at a similar age) was being unkind to one of her friends. She wrote a letter of apology, and the girl came round, and the issue was resolved. When I spoke to DD, I could tell immediately from her reaction that she had been nasty, so it helped us to jump on it.

amillionyears Wed 04-Jul-12 12:20:44

That is definitely bullying.
Schools should have bullying policies in place.procedures as to what to do when bullying has been reported or seen.
I dont think I would talk to the mum at this point.See what the school says.And hopefully they will talk to you as soon as possible.

iseenodust Wed 04-Jul-12 12:29:19

Recognising it is the end of term I would ensure the school understood that I expected next year to start with some strong messages from the HT to the whole school about how unacceptable bullying is and Year 6's should be setting an example to the younger kids etc.

Over the holidays I would be encouraging your DS to spend time with his good friends and strengthening those bonds so he doesn't start to feel isolated. Does he also have friends outside school from Scouts or other club?

cocolepew Wed 04-Jul-12 12:32:46

Dont speak to the mum it can go the wrong way. Speak to the teacher first and if youre not satisfied go to the head

TheOriginalSteamingNit Wed 04-Jul-12 12:33:51

Yes, that's bullying - and I would speak to the teacher as soon as you can.

I have sometimes been tempted over the years to do 'quiet words with mums', but never have, and am glad I didn't - I think odds are you will not make things better that way. The odds of the mother and child going on the defensive and actually making things worse seem too high to me.

Keep it professional, and talk to the teacher, I would.
Good luck - poor ds.

I am waiting for the teacher to call me, am hoping she will call during her lunch hour.

TBH DS is quite an insular kid, he has one really close friend and so he tends to not get involved with the others which of course doesnt help. I find as well because I work I am not at the school gates and therefore dont get to know the mums which has a knock on effect with DS not getting play dates etc.....

However, come the summer holidays I am going to make an effort to contact a few mums to see if I can arrange for their kids to come over so that DS is still in the loop so to speak.

Thanks everyone, I am so cross at the moment I am not thinking straight about it, need some time to calm down I think.

iseenodust Wed 04-Jul-12 13:41:19

Cross is fine so long as chanelled!

It is hard when you're working to fix playdates etc. Maybe take him and a couple of friends 10pin bowling & a burger one weekend? ie make the socialising an easy start. I would seriously be trying to extend his friendship group. I think going to tennis where no-one else from same school went was a sanity saver for DS when he was having a tough time. One of our Wildlife Watch group (free to attend) got his gold badge & some cool kudos as he got to meet Michaela Strachan.

Yes, I do feel bad sometimes for working as rightly or wrongly it does affect their making friends etc but hey ho, needs must.

I would love to extend his friendships, he is just a one friend DH finds it endearing, I find it quite annoying! Trouble is DS is a home bird as well and not sporty at all so he would far prefer to come home from school and do drawing, writing, watch tv etc, we have done numerous clubs but so far never found anything he loves.

Rightly or wrongly I did message the nice mum, I approached it in a very softly softly approach and she got back to me saying how sorry she is, how cross she is with her DS and she is going to have words with him tonight and that he will be apologising to my DS in the morning. I also have a meeting with his teacher after school tomorrow so hopefully something will get sorted.

iseenodust Wed 04-Jul-12 17:31:44

Please don't think I was trying to guilt trip you !!! We all need to put food on the table. I work from home but we don't live in the same village as school so that' s our hassle for fixing DS's play.

Anyway sounds like you have had a very reasonable response from the other mum. Fingers crossed now the first steps have been taken things will come right.

Oh no, I didnt think that at all smile

Yes, the other mum was brilliant and her DS apologised to my DS yesterday. The teacher is going to have a word with the main one today so I am hoping this will put an end to it. Teacher was brilliant I have to say and DS seems happy enough so fingers crossed for a resolution.

Thanks everyone smile

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