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What do I do?

(4 Posts)
nelehluap Tue 15-May-12 14:06:26

I have a 13yr old DD. She's a lovely kind sweet natured girl. She's bright and wants to do well with her education. Sadly she's been a victim of what I call bullying for a long time - stretches back a few months. All began when she was simply being excluded from her group of friends.....friends she's had for a few years. They seem to just turn their back on her - a group of about 5 girls. DD has asked why and they simply laugh and look away. She has had the contents of her school bag thrown across the playground, including her personal items. She has been threatened in PE. She has had her back jumped on by a child and that same child has dug her chin into DD's collarbone leaving a bruise. These girls flatly refuse to talk to her, smile at her, even acknowledge DD exists. I have spoken to the school many times and each time they blame the sensitive nature of my DD which they feels makes her an easy target for the nasty behaviour. They have spoken to the girls and told them to be friends with DD, which they claim they are, and yet it never changes and if anything by the school talking to them makes it worse for DD.

Last week was the final straw. DD was burnt by one of the ring leaders during a cookery lesson last week. DD has a burn on the back of her arm. We complained to the school because there was no way it was an accident and could easily have been avoided. DD was questioned by school and she told them it was an accident because she felt it was the easiest way of dealing with it. When I asked her she claimed it was still an accident. I then suggested she put someone very close and dear to her heart (ie her younger sister) in her shoes and asked then if she felt it was an accident. She then broke down and said 'no, it was deliberate, but I had to say it was an accident because otherwise ** will hurt me even more'....DD is fed up with being questioned by the school and having the blame put on her by the school and has begged us not to contact the school anymore about any more incidents or, indeed, the burning incident. We promised this because otherwise we knew we'd lose our DD talking to us and feeling able to confide in us.

What do I do? She's had a dreadful couple of days since the burning incident. The girls will not talk to her, sit and giggle at her, pulling stupid childish faces and she spends her entire lunch/breaks on her own. Do I pull her out of this school now? HELP. sad

YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag Tue 15-May-12 14:13:01

If it was my dd I would take her out of the school now.

You have spoken to the school, they have been amazingly unhelpful by the sounds of things, to suggest it is her fault because she is sensitive is ridiculous and their solution of making the bullies be friends is ludicrous IMHO

My dd did not have a good time in yr7 not to the same extent of physical bullying but the other nasty things that your dd is experiencing and the school did nothing to help over the year.
We moved schools, she is now happy has lots of friends and predicted excellent grades for next year.

I wish I had gone with my instincts and pulled her out sooner.

Does your dd want to change schools?
I would strongly suggest you look into other schools where she would be happier.

nelehluap Tue 15-May-12 14:41:04

Hi Fanjo and thanks for your post. Yes she wants to change schools but is nervous about doing so even tho I've found another school that contains friends of hers and has room for her.

Year 7 for DD was ok and went well but for some odd reason Year 8 has been awful. She has spent Year 8 being the 'excluded' one....and they seem to relish in leaving her out of everything...its as if they are all stuck in this 'anti' behaviour towards her - yet on their own, individually, when away from the group (during lesson time) they might actually say two words to her but once back in the group mentality they block her out.

I've told her today to empty her locker and I've spoken to DH today too and we've both agreed that today will be her final day there. I have an appt with another school on Friday for her to look around and will probably keep her off until after the June bank holiday giving me enough time to sort out new uniform etc and then start afresh. That's the plan.

I am just appalled with the serious lack of help/support to combat bullying in her current school. It's as if they won't admit it exists and turn the table on my DD saying her sensitivity encourages this nasty behaviour. x

Gunfleetsands Tue 15-May-12 17:43:18

Your DD's 'friends' have been given every opportunity to stop but haven't - in fact the bullying has become physical. Sadly they are not going to stop any time soon and your DD needs to get away from them.

Move schools as soon as you can. Of course your DD will be nervous (anybody would be) but it will be worth it. Two of my DDs have moved class to get away from bullies and neither of them have ever regretted it. They found new friends (real ones) and have been far happier ever since.

Good Luck.

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