Night weaning using Dr Jay Gordon's method - anyone want to join me?(84 Posts)
I have seen lots of people on here recommend this way of night weaning by Jay Gordon and think it's time for me to give it a go. My dd is 19 months and still wakes for a comfort feed once/twice/six times a night.
Just wondered if anyone else is thinking of doing this and want to start it together? I am going for phase 1 this weekend.
I tried it and it did not really work, afeter 3 months dd was still feeding as much as ever. Now dp does shush pat when she wakes up before 5. After a week or so she is mostly sleeping 8-5 (and sometimes 8-7). She does want more + longer feeds during the day though but i am now sane for the first time in almost a year. It is so worth it
Which bit didn't work? I guess you never got to the "no milk" phase?
thats right (love the name btw). Never managed to shorten the feeds and thus would go back to feeding all night long again. Now Dp just sits by her cot and strokes her and after about 10 mins she has gone back to sleep. This might not work if you co-sleep though as she refuses to accept anything else but bm if she can see or hear me.
She does start in her own room but comes into our bed from when we go to bed/she wakes up (which usually co-incide as I wait up for her.)
We'll give it a go anyway and maybe my name won't be so apt if all goes to plan.
Anyone else thinking of giving it a go?
I've thought about it a few times, but DD's sleep does seem (crossed fingers, toes and everything else!) to be improving atm so holding off for the time being. However, I'm back to work in a few weeks, so if I struggle to cope then we'll be doing it soon!
Might keep an eye on this thread and see how things go for you
Hi BosomForAPillow I am heading off to a wedding this weekend but next weekend we will be trying this 'method'- so I guess I'll be a phase behind you?! Want it to be a weekend we are at home and so DH can be involved (he doesn't work at the weekend)
DS is 18m and our situation sounds exactly like yours... it used to be ok, but now it's killing me- some mornings I can't even remember what I had for dinner the night before. My brain is moooooosh.
I would love a decent night's sleep. It has been A While.
So I'll be popping back onto this thread!
I'll be watching the thread, maybe will re-read the method and give it a go - desperate to nightwean but last attempt at refusing her in the middle of the night, with me sleepily saying "No, beebies are asleep now" just led to ten minutes of her crying in the most heartbreaking manner imaginable before I caved
Er that wasn't very helpful, was it?
Hi MrsMotMot, I'll let you know how it goes. Or if nobody else joins me I might wait for you and start next weekend too!
Dita, that's my worry too...the bit where you don't feed at all makes me think she'll just cry and I'll cave. I hadn't read it for a while (had saved it about a year ago thinking I'd do it at a year but then kept putting it off) and on re-reading it doesn't sound quite as gentle as it did when I first heard about it.
Sorry, it wasn't helpful was it? To be fair, I skipped the first bit about shorter feeds etc and was just so knackered that I was trying to pull the duvet up while she wrestled with it, so it might go better if you follow his plan properly, but it was definitely sad, not angry, crying Also we are in a small terrace, so neighbours both sides, which doesn't help!
I'm not sure if I did this method (I think I remember reading about it a few months ago so could have had it in mind) Anyway I'll tell you what I did and it might be something like that!
I decided that I had had enough feeding ds at night - he was waking up loads for a bf after I had put him to bed (in bed by 7/8ish). I co-sleep so would feed him when I got into bed too (11ish) and then he would wake 1am and then want to bf from 4am onwards (yawn!!)
So he was 16 and a half months old. I started off by not feeding him again after the feed when I went to bed at 11pm - so when he woke at 1am- no feed! (but I fed him if he woke before I went to bed) He was very annoyed but not heart broken - he gave a couple of nnnngs and maybe a grr and rolled off back to sleep. I then fed him again around 7ish when it felt like it was time to wake up. It took 3 nights for him not to bother me at all and his sleeping is so much better now (and boy so is mine!!!)
I think he was totally ready though. It has been a long road - he used to take all his naps on me, be latched on all night. I still feed him in bed before putting him down to sleep but he doesn't need to be latched on. I think you know if they are ready.
I am not a meany though - honest!! If he had been heart broken I wouldn't have carried on with it but it was really ok. He still gets as many bfs as he wants between 6am and 8pm!
All the best
Hi Bosomforapillow, ladies,
Yes! I will join you in a much needed however much dreaded change in my DD nighttime antics!
She will be 2 next month and similarly has a bedtime feed about 6.30, then about 10 when usually she comes to bed with me and then throughout the night.
I am keen to conitnue bf but only the one at bedtime and maybe if she still wants it, one in the morning first thing...I need to have my bed back and to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time would be bliss!!
I'll do phase I with you too...I'll start Monday night..just to check - this is where we stop feeding them through the night between certain hours (mine would be 10-5am) and just cuddle them back to sleep right? Are you going to offer water in a cup as an alternative? Might have one to hand and when she realises she aint getting no boob then I'm hoping that she'll start sleeping longer!!
Good luck! Time to gear ourselves up eh??!!
I night weaned DS at about 19 months when I was TTC. He was only really having one feed for ages but then he started waking more and I knew I'd never be able to deal with it pregnant!
I just went cold turkey between 10 and 5. He was in his own bed at the time and if he woke and came in he would get cuddles and I would get him that the milk was asleep.
The first time he screamed at me for about 20 minutes, then woke again later and did it again for about 10. He was angry rather than upset though and he got all the cuddles he wanted.
It took about 3 nights for him to accept a no about milk although he kept waking for cuddles for some time. He then slept through for a few months until H and I separated. He now (at 2.4) sleeps in bed with whichever of us he is with and can wake for cuddles a few times a night but generally settles really quickly and is never insistent about milk with me. (We are very lucky that the need to sleep with us is the only backlash we seem to have had from the split!)
We're on night 2, though not really the JG method. First night I just tried to refuse feeds during the night. It was hell - lots of crying (though angry rather than sad at least), not a lot of sleep for anyone. DH was aghast when I said we'd be trying again the following night! I was hoping it would be better and it was slightly.
Went slightly more JG last night and tried just shortening feeds instead. The first time I just woke up about three hours later with her still latched on but after that it did go better and she did settle down without boob a few times too. I found that getting up and walking around the room with her in my arms worked well a few times for getting her back to sleep (flashback to when she was teeny tiny!).
Hi, I am going to start properly tonight. I have been trying to get dd used to me saying "Finished" after a while and getting her unlatched while still awake, so now going to try and shorten the time feeding. Problem is, she's often asleep within seconds of latching on so it will have to be a really short feed!
Hammy - Phase 1 you still give milk but have to stop while they're still awake and then cuddle/sing etc until they're asleep. You can feed them again only after they've slept - no matter how long for (10 mins fine as is 4 hours - I wish!). I don't think I'll offer water as we've tried that before and it makes her very angry. I'm going to do 11-6 as my hours cos she normally has a big morning type feed at 6 anyway. Good luck for Monday!
DitaVonCheese - I dread having to walk around the room or something instead of feeding...What if they then need that to settle instead of bf? It will be worse than before! I suppose the theory is that they'll stop waking up altogether once they get used to the idea of no bf. Fingers crossed!
ChairmumMiaow that sounds great, very encouraged to hear it went so smoothly for you.
Good luck anyone else starting this week. Will let you know how tonight goes.
Sorry Stottiecake, missed you out. Thanks for another encouraging story! I hope dd is ready, sometimes it seems like she is but sometimes she is such a milk monster at night. (Like last night )
Just checking in to let you know how our first night went...not very well!
Dd only woke up twice (great compared to the night before) but the first time when I got her to stop she was VERY angry. She cried so strongly, so suddenly that I thought I'd probably stopped too soon so let her have some more (which you're probably not supposed to do)...and next thing I knew I had fallen asleep during the feed - well, I was waking up for the next one. During that one she must have been asleep when I popped her off because there was no protest at all, she just rolled over and snored.
To be honest I can't really face doing it tonight with work tomorrow (I work Mon/Tues) so I'm going to start again on Tuesday, then I will have a good run of being "off" in the day to catch up on sleep when dd naps, as it's half term the week after.
Hope anyone else doing it is off to a better start.
Morning - well I am officially the worlds crappist implementer of trying a new method in getting my DD to sleep.
Started off DD would not go to sleep, so even though I didn't feed her to sleep, I allowed her to fall asleep in my arms before transfering her to her cot
Then she woke up about 10.30 (which is pretty good for her as sometimes she only sleeps for 2 hours at a time!)but by this time I'd fallen asleep (just) and woke up in zombie mode and automatically fed her in her room, but stopped before she fell asleep and returned her to her cot where she slept until 12.30.
Then I cracked as I was so so tired and bought her into my bed where I just cuddled her, no intention of feeding her, but the nightie I had on wasn't very boob containing and within seconds my little ferret and hoiked one out and was having a night time snack
Note to self, where a high necked t-shirt to bed tonight
So not great but not altogether one of her worst nights...its so hard to make a change when your so exhausted already!
I know I'll benefit as will she in the long run its just gearing yourself up for the challenge!
How are you doing BFAP? Hope it went better for you then sat night!
Opps, that was meant to read
'my little ferret had hoiked one out' and 'wear a high necked t-shirt to bed'...see... sleep deprivation is a killer eh??!!
Haven't done JG method but with DD2 did spend 2 weeks cutting back feeds gradually (couple minutes every 3 days) before dropping. I was down to 5 minutes before we dropped the feeds totally, with very little protesting. But she was always good at going back to sleep after only one boob anyway. She was 7 months and having 2-3 feeds a night before we dropped them (i was going back to work).
Must be worth spending some time reducing if you are worried about screaming - gives them a chance to up day calories and be less hungry in night.
Don't know if i'll be able to do it with DS who needs both boobs to have any chance of getting him back to sleep.
Ferret is a brilliant description
Going very badly here, think I'm more sleep deprived now than when she was a newborn. The heat making her restless and a very sore bottom haven't helped, nor probably the fact that I'm trying to cut down in the day too. Can't remember what we did last night but did have to get up to attend to her nappy in the small hours and it was really dry so fed on demand after that as worried she was dehydrated. She's napping now and I'm about to go and join her, or die of exhaustion.
DitaVonCheese - I'm no expert and the last person to give advice but I guess her nappy will be drier to what she normally is as if shes like my DD, who drinks all night long, her nappy is quite sodden by morning!
What about offering water if your worried she's dehydrated?
I'm starting to wonder if anyone has had any success with this Dr Jay method?
Or is it a case of mixing an element of a bit of each sleep training method to become successfull?
Or do we just resign ourselves to the fact that we are doomed to walk this earth in a zombie fashion until they 'grow' out of this phase?!
There must be some positive stories out there...!!!
I was just worrying the same things about dry nappies...My dd has had a very dry nappy (feels like one tiny little wee) the last 2 mornings, whereas it is usually absolutely sodden (sorry TMI!). I thought it might be the heat, although she hasn't seemed sweaty or anything. I guess I am maybe being more successful than I thought in shortening the feeds.
Usually when I say "finished" to get her to stop, I give her a little kiss on the head afterwards and last night I gave her a little kiss while she was still feeding and she came off by herself then, which was nice.
Dita I know what you mean "Can't remember what we did last night"...Every morning DH says "How was last night?" (He's in bed too!) and we both sort of say "Hmmm, not too bad...I think." Unless it's absolutely horrendous you just get through it in a kind of haze and think it's been ok but when you think back it turns out you might have been awake 3 or 4 times.
Hammy good luck for tonight. I am definitely going to try to stop the feeds while she's awake tonight and not offer more milk unless she has had a period of sleeping unless I am too tired and Dr Jay slips my mind.
One more thing, how long are your dc feeding before they go back to sleep? Pretty sure dd only feeds of 5 mins max anyway.
Hammy that's a very good point - very embarrassed that I didn't think of it but I'm soooo tired. Glad to hear that I'm not the only one experiencing this Bosom.
I quite often used to think that she hadn't woken up at all and then find that both cups of my sleep bra were open!
Not doing anything tonight - for one thing I am beyond tired and need to sleep (have just been woken up - twice - by DH as fell asleep putting her to bed and now really groggy ugh) plus, more importantly, I think DD is coming down with something as she feels like she is burning up (to me, DH can't tell the difference) and only had a couple of mouthfuls of dinner
Morning all, am still lurking here in anticipation of starting some sort of sleep fixing this weekend... things are getting worse and milk seems to be losing its magic somewhat and DS has been a grouchy mess the last three days. TBH I think we are all ready to Do Something now!
Bosom it is so like that here too, the other day DH and I were groggily trying to recall what even occurred during the night, thinking it was actually ok, but then later (after some tea!) I realised my own little ferret (love that btw!) had been up six times in all.
I think I might skip the reduced milk bit seeing as milk doesn't seem to be as effective anyway, plus I think the danger of just dropping off myself is way too high.
Oh god I am a bit
And MN really could do with a 'dead' emoticon!
What do you all do for naps during the day?
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