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Toddler envy and breast feeding new baby

(22 Posts)
Em32 Fri 22-Jul-05 12:26:26

Any advice for my friend who has a 1 month old and a nearly 18 month old. She is struggling to breastfeed when her toddler is around as he screams so much. She is resorting to expressing or giving formula at the moment in those situations but I think this may lead to her giving up bf much sooner than she'd like. Another friend of mine seems to have had similar problems with her son trying to get her attention to the extent that he dived off the sofa and cut his chin open down to the bone I'd appreciate your wisdom especially as I'm 35 weeks pg with a 17 month old so likely to be dealing with the same situation soon. Thanks

tiktok Fri 22-Jul-05 12:41:05

How would bottle feeding help in either of these situations, Em?

I don't understand. At least with bf you have an arm and a hand free to cuddle, share a book, build a Duplo man.

I'm puzzled!

mandyc66 Fri 22-Jul-05 12:42:02

Try to make sure 18month baby has everything he needs sit him down with a book a snack a drink etc next to you on the sofa and all snuggle up and feed. My ds although a bit older used to put his hand on my boob to 'help' feed the baby!

nailpolish Fri 22-Jul-05 12:47:41

breastfeeding is easier, imo in these circumstances. you can just pop babe on the boob, not faff around with formula, making bottles, heating etc etc etc. no washing bottles, sterilising, therefore more time for baby and toddler.

things i did (my dd1 was 24 mths)

bought dd a doll with a bottle to feed her doll with (although she fed her doll with her boob!)

when i went to feed dd2 i got dd1 to get her doll and we sat and fed our babies together (she would get fed up and go and do other things after about 5 seconds)

got dd1 juice, a biscuit or raisins or something and sat her on the other knee/beside me

let her watch her favourite programme on cbeebies or read her favourite book

phoned gran or daddy at the same time and let dd1 speak to them

em, dont worry, not all toddlers get jealous. sometimes they dont understand what happening, and all they need is a bit of gentle simple explanation.

there are books you can get to help you explain everything

best of luck with your little ones

Em32 Fri 22-Jul-05 12:49:57

Tiktok Speed! Feeding in 10 minutes as opposed to 45 minutes.

mandyc66 Fri 22-Jul-05 12:50:39

lol!!! its not always possible is it!

Em32 Fri 22-Jul-05 12:52:32

Also, neither of our sons are the 'sit and cuddle' type - they are more the 'race around, causing havoc, need to be outdoors 95% of the time' type. I'd love to meet the other sort of 18 month old!

nailpolish Fri 22-Jul-05 12:54:26

em, maybe they wont even notice you feeding the baby then, are they happy to run around playing, with you nearby or do they like you to be right there beside them? are you happy to let them play away while you sit nearby feeding? or are you worried you will be up and down every 2 secs? or are you worried they will be jealous?

Em32 Fri 22-Jul-05 13:04:34

Nailpolish Only have one son (meant both me and and my friends sons)No idea how mine will react except he is always getting himself in dangerous situations when he wants my attention as per friend no2 I mentioned. Also he used to feed for an hour, every hour and a half when he was 'little'. I really struggled with breastfeeding to start with because of this (although managed to carry on partially until 6 months) so I'm worried about a repeat performance with no2 baby. I mean how on earth do you carry on making sure the older child gets to go to groups/go to the park etc if your youngest is feeding that much? My friend I originally posted about is having the same sort of problem due to length/spacing of feeds. The older one just starts yelling blue murder when he's not attended to and she feels terrible about it.

hoxtonchick Fri 22-Jul-05 13:06:22

my ds is 3.5 & sits on me when i'm feeding my newborn dd.... in a loving way, but still kinda hard.

spidermama Fri 22-Jul-05 13:08:15

I fed my toddler at the same time and there were no such problems.

tiktok Fri 22-Jul-05 13:14:19

I dunno....I can never understand how bottle feeding mothers get to go out and about, with the stuff they have to take with them.

It was never a problem for me, breastfeeding a baby with a toddler/older child needing a different sort of care and attention.

Most babies take longer than 10 mins to finish a bottle.

However, bf does take less time as the baby grows.

I am obviously the wrong person to think about the 'problems' of bf a baby with a toddler around, aren't I?

nailpolish Fri 22-Jul-05 13:17:32

em, i understand what you are saying. i am lucky to have a cuddly toddler!

i found that feeding my 2nd baby was not the same as the first (you are not as anxious, or you dont have time to be!)

all i can say is, give it a go, and there is no failure in trying. please dont waste time in worrying, its not worth it

i bf both my babies, but dd1 longer than dd2, and i still feel pangs of guilt, but i know deep down that im just being silly about it.

just wait and see what happens, thats the best thing to do. be prepared for all eventualities, and youll be ok xxx

hoxtonchick Fri 22-Jul-05 13:22:00

oh i agree tiktok, i reckon bottle feeding would be a much bigger hassle (dd feeds v. quickly actually, i think she has to take the opportunity when it's presented ).

Fennel Fri 22-Jul-05 13:30:36

my dd2, born 17 months after dd1, learnt to feed by clinging on as I whizzed around the place with dd1!

don't panic Em32, lots of them aren't jealous with this age gap, i didn't have any trouble with jealousy. we did go to lots of toddler groups and other peoples' houses where dd1 got to play while I fed the baby. that might have helped.

spidermama Fri 22-Jul-05 13:37:05

I meant BREASTFEED them both at the same time. I did. I loved it.

The toddler usually only wanted a little suck anyway and it sent out the message that 'you're still my baby and you're still loved just as much'. Sometimes that's all they need to know.

A couple of days ago my 3.5 year old, who stopped bf-ing about a year ago, asked if he could have a taste after the baby had finished.

He had a teeny suck and was so pleased with himself. He hasn't asked for more. I think he just wanted to check I love him as much as the baby.

tiktok Fri 22-Jul-05 13:40:36


nailpolish Fri 22-Jul-05 13:51:35

aw spidermama thats gorgeous!

spidermama Fri 22-Jul-05 13:52:25

morningpaper Fri 22-Jul-05 14:13:56

Aw that IS cute!

I'm scared of offering to my toddler (who will be 3 when dd2 is born) - what if she REALLY gets into it?

Em32 Fri 22-Jul-05 19:03:37

Thanks for your advice, hopefully my ds will take to the baby better than her ds has to hers.

By the way, aren't we all on the same side? I'm pro b/f but don't choose to criticise those who decide to mix feed or bottle feed. The scenarios I've described are real 'problems' whether you choose to put them in quotes or not!

MaloryTowers Fri 22-Jul-05 19:08:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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