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Breastfeeding and being advised to stop by mother...

(29 Posts)
Corrin Mon 11-Jul-05 18:30:13

Hi folks

DS is 12 weeks and I've been b/feeding from start. He's a big lad, thriving and quite demanding (foodwise) though he sleeps fairly well at night.
He's not in a 'routine' as such during the day and his frequency of feeds/naps changes daily. I'm finding this quite hard (especially as DD was 3 hourly like clockwork).
I've been feeling tired and run down too...and a bit low. Mum is telling me its the breast feeding, and is telling me to feel better I should stop feeding him.
Am off to see H/visitor tomorrow to get another opinion.
Anyone else agree/disagree with my mum?
I'loved b/feeding DD and hoped to feed him for 7 months as I did with her but its just not working out as before.
Biggest worry is stopping and still feeling like I do and regretting decision. Anyone help me?

SoupDragon Mon 11-Jul-05 18:32:23

You're feeling tired and run down because you have a young baby!! Having a second child is more tiring than having 1.

starlover Mon 11-Jul-05 18:32:42

i disagree with your mum entirely!

lack of routine is NOT because you are breastfeeding... otherwise you would have had the same problems with your DD!!!

have you tried getting him into a routine?
TBH, i have never had a routine with ds and he is 5 months now! we don't have any probs with it,

you WILL feel run down and tired regardless of how you feed him... it's so different from just having one to having a baby to look after and an older child... nothing to do with how you feed.

MrsGordonRamsay Mon 11-Jul-05 18:32:46

And your mother is an expert on BF why ??

spidermama Mon 11-Jul-05 18:37:10

Don't stop! yes, it's tiring but so is washing and sterilising bottles. I think it's so much easier to spend the first 6 months with just breast, if you can, because it's so simple and you need no equipment.

You also get love hormones when you breastfeed which helped me enormously.

Corrin Mon 11-Jul-05 18:37:31

She's not MrsGR, this is why I'm asking you folk, mum didn't breastfeed really (I'm 1 of 4) my brother she fed for 7 months, the rest of us were a few weeks....

Yorkiegirl Mon 11-Jul-05 18:38:15

Message withdrawn

tiktok Mon 11-Jul-05 18:39:53

Corrin - seek help and support from one of the helplines. MN is great but you can have a real converation with a real person instead (or as well)!

Babies who sleep well at night often feed more often in the day. Big babies may feed often as well (it's physiologically normal for them to be big at this stage, and they need to eat to follow their own physiological norm) . In addition, hot weather is likely to mean thirstier babies, and thirsty babies feed more often and more erratically.

Stopping feeding is a massive gamble. Your mum wants to help, but she is not very knowledgable about bf, or about what's important to you, from what it sounds.

starlover Mon 11-Jul-05 18:40:29

corrin i am speaking from experience when i say it is much more difficult to bottlefeed a baby who isn't in a routine!

i finally gave up when ds was around 3.5/4 months... and i wish i could have carried on!
instead of just being able to feed when he gets hungry i now have to make sure i have plenty of bottles in the fridge all the time and he has to wait while i heat it (or at least just take the chill off!)
when we're out i have to take plenty of bottles in case he decides he wants to feed every 2 hours (not unheard of!)... because i have no idea when he'll want feeding! lol

seriously... it's so much easier to just pop them on the boob!

if you want to carry on then do so... i really don't think that changing to bottle will make any difference (apaart from giving you more work!)

QZebra Mon 11-Jul-05 18:40:53

I haven't bottlefed so can't compare, but I reckon breastfeeding is a bit more tiring. But it also brings more benefits. I sounds like you know which one you really want to do...

I found it so easy with DD precisely because I didn't have a "set" routine, and I didn't have any expectation that there "should" be a routine. I just went with the flow (& yes, I did have a 2yo demanding toddler to look after, too).

So, no, don't agree with your mum at all.

Corrin Mon 11-Jul-05 18:41:42

Good for you Yorkiegirl, I know if I don't take her advice I'll get the 'told you so' from now on if I'm feeling down/off colour...will have to keep problems to myself, and she's good to talk to.

starlover Mon 11-Jul-05 18:42:38

corrin... why don't you ask her WHY she thinks you'll be better off?

at the end of the day it's your decision and she ought to respect that

Corrin Mon 11-Jul-05 18:44:15

Back shortly, bathtime calls...thanks for your messages...this is really helping.

MrsGordonRamsay Mon 11-Jul-05 18:46:36

Sorry Corrin


I was being sarky I did have an extra view to post but DS was calling, but lots of people are here to help now.

SoupDragon Mon 11-Jul-05 18:46:53

Have you been to your GP to rule out any medical reason for feeling tired and run down? Don't feel silly about going - it could be something simple as anaemia for example.

Demented Mon 11-Jul-05 18:48:59

Having sort of done both (DS1 was fully on bottles at 16 weeks and DS2 b/fed until 16 months) I personally feel b/feeding is easier, maybe not in the first couple of weeks (although I haven't bottle fed in the first few weeks so can't really compare) but I loved the simplicity of b/feeding, nothing much to remember when you go out and no washing up!

alison222 Mon 11-Jul-05 19:54:08

Was your first big too?
My 2 were both big and the first few weeks were horrid until I could produce enough milk to fill them.
Are you resting and eating well enough?
I aggree with Soup dragon - see the Dr to rule out anemia.
Have you tried feeding your DS for longer at each feed or is he draining you? if he is just snacking maybe this is the prob?
this is so difficult to do without having a real conversation. The possibilities are endless.
Go with your gut instincts though. Its up to you if you want to carry on feeding Surely?

hunkermunker Mon 11-Jul-05 19:58:05

If you want to continue, do. If you want to stop, stop. But do not let it be anyone's decision but your own. If you think you'll feel worse if you do stop and don't feel better, then keep doing it.

Babies often don't settle into a routine this early on. And a bottlefed baby in no routine is surely harder than a breastfed one from the point of view of knowing how many bottles to do, how much to offer at each feed, etc, etc. There's no guarantee that giving him bottles will make him settle into a routine either.

Weatherwax Mon 11-Jul-05 20:15:15

My mum wanted me to stop feeding dd2 at 6 weeks I did it for 3 years and was a lot less stress than the mixed feeding for dd1. I think that her generation was got at by the formulae companies telling people their food was better than breast, she definitely came accross as some one got at as I know she was about the smoking message!

There is a lot of research to back up the breast is best message and I think the benefits of long term breast feeeding are there as well. Your son will be demanding food even if he gets bottle fed and the constand cleaning and steralising and making sure the formulae isnt more than an hour old can drive you to distraction, well it did me

I would say that once feeding was established feeding dd meant I had to sit down and rest which is one thing I needed

Corrin Mon 11-Jul-05 20:16:21

Am back...DS fights sleep but we got there in the end!
Thanks all.
Hunkermunker, I suppose I thought bottle feeding would force more of a routine (not exactly sure why!) and I totally agree that bottle feeding a non routine baby would be harder work...really like that fact I don't have to carry lots of stuff around with me and have no problem getting boobs out when out and about.
Would quite like a bit more freedom, think that adds to feeling a bit down and tied to babe (don't find expressing easy). Have thought about introducing one bottle of formula to give mylsef the option of freedom if I really felt I needed it.

PrettyCandles Mon 11-Jul-05 20:29:08

Why don't you start a thread asking about getting your ds into a routine? I mixed-fed ds and breastfed dd, getting both of them into a routine from about the same age as your ds. My ds fell right into GF's routines for a baby about 4wk younger than he was without any difficulty and I found it enormously helpful. Dd was trickier because I had to work around ds's needs as well.

I'm not entirely certain that the routine is at all liberating. To a certain extent you get even more tied-down, but on the other hand your day is far more predictable and as a result less stressful.

Taking a multi-vitamin and mineral supplement, as well as some fish oils or flax oil (not both oils together, and making sure that the multi-vits are compatible with the oils) can be hugely beneficial to you. You may not be technically anaemic, yet to may be ultra-sensitive to the slightest bit of anaemia.

whimsicaltrifle Mon 11-Jul-05 20:32:19

If you do want to get him into more of a routine, look at how often you are feeding him during the day, do you feed him if he wakes at night? Try to aim to feed him at the same time in the morning and see if it falls into place from there. He might ask for more quick feeds because it's hot thirsty weather, so don't expect miracles

I found that DS would fall into a kind of routine, then it would change as he got bigger. But you can steer them into it gently. That said, we're not really routine people - the idea of having to feed him at set times and always let him sleep for x number of hours a day at the same time still fills me with dread and he's 15mo!

PrettyCandles Mon 11-Jul-05 20:32:28

Oh, and stick to your guns over breastfeeding! It's vastly more convenient and cheaper (not to mention all the other benefits) and how you feed has no connection with routines.

whimsicaltrifle Mon 11-Jul-05 20:32:41

Sorry - am hunkermunker, but with a whimsical namechange

edam Mon 11-Jul-05 20:39:19

Why do our mothers give us such a hard time about breastfeeding? Yours is just one of many... maybe its because they are our mothers and are therefore obliged to offer advice (ie stop doing something you are doing, or start doing something you aren't doing..), or because they were part of a generation which didn't breastfeed (in general)...

Thankfully all that is behind me now, but my mother still bends my ear about how my sister should stop breastfeeding. Her ds is one and my mother sooooo disapproves - apparently bmilk isn't necessary once they are on three meals a day, she says. As if this nutritious fluid suddenly turns redundant once they hit six months! Ludicrous.

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