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What to say to people objecting to public bf?

(38 Posts)
stramash Fri 01-Jul-05 19:17:37

For the first time today someone objected to my feeding dd2 in public. A middle aged woman ( probably a grandmother) took the trouble to come over to me in M&S cafe and tell me that I should be "doing that in private" and not"subjecting" other people to it. Had tried the breastfeeding room there but it was full, and to be honest I was not at all upset but just furious - told her that I was sorry to have offended her but that i found her comments offensive, the baby was hungry and she didn't have to look. She tutted and walked off muttering that it was "disgraceful". Felt like telling her to F* off frankly. She couldn't see a thing anyway ( v discreet, baggy top etc)
What do you say to these people? Any ideas?It amazes me that in the same shop there were women with much more boob on show in low cut tops etc and nobody thinks twice. To be honest I've fed dd1 and dd2 in public and this is the first time anybody has objected. But I could easily have been upset and put off if it was the first time I'd fed my baby in public - she wasn't to know that. Ooo... getting angry just thinking about it again. What should I say if someone does it again?

starlover Fri 01-Jul-05 19:19:52

i think i would say in a VERY loud voice.

"Why exactly do you object to me feeding my hungry baby? Or did you just come over for a closer look?"

crazyandconfused Fri 01-Jul-05 19:21:16

I would probably say'so you have enough money to pay for the law suit?'

gigglinggoblin Fri 01-Jul-05 19:21:21

tell them you object to frustrated middle aged women looking at your boobs (in a very loud voice). dont let it put you off, she is in the minority - my mil says she loves seeing bf mums because they always look so beautiful

returningtoworkalready Fri 01-Jul-05 19:29:38

Stramash, what a stupid old bag. Would love to have told her to f* off. Unbelievble, really for you.

ghost Fri 01-Jul-05 19:31:33

I had a friend who used to say 'do you want some?' as she threatened to remove her child offer her boob, when people complained. That generally brought an end to the conversation. I have never had any complaints when I have breastfed in public, but I think I probably look like a scary mama. I've fed everywhere paying at the till pushing a trolley (bit difficult) but better than the alternative (v vocal child!!!! - and boy do my children have lungs!!!!)

kama Fri 01-Jul-05 19:38:03

Message withdrawn

suedonim Fri 01-Jul-05 21:25:18

Are you in Scotland, Stramash, as your nickname sounds Scottish! If you are, you can tell any idiotic objectors that it's now against the law to stop someone from b-feeding a baby in public. I must admit, I Lol-ed at the "subjecting" bit - it sounds like you were going round forcing everyone to have a sook!!

spod Fri 01-Jul-05 21:45:41

Message deleted

Caligula Fri 01-Jul-05 21:52:25

I would be tempted to take the baby off the breast, point my nipple at the person complaining and see if I could make the milk hit her, while saying "Sorry, what don't you like about my baby feeding quietly?"

misdee Fri 01-Jul-05 21:54:02

apparently someone wasd asked to stop breastfeeding in one of the shops in stevenage town centre last week. if ifind out which one who fancies a breastfeeding sit-in? lol

stramash Fri 01-Jul-05 21:55:33

Suedonim, am a Scot but living in England and therefore can't invoke fabby Scottish law , am a bit of that one. I think next time I'll try the "scary mama" approach. Hardest part was explaining to a 2-year-old (dd1) what the lady was saying. Bless her, she was a bit perplexed "but why mummy?" "what's the lady saying?" , even recounted the whole thing to her dad when he got home!

zebraZ Fri 01-Jul-05 21:55:54

LOL starlover.
I was walking around the US embassy in London while breastfeeding DS2 today (who, at 12months old, is rather big baby to be feeding in public nowadays).
Nobody batted an eyelid. We were all too fed up of being there to care, I suppose.

aloha Fri 01-Jul-05 21:58:32

I think 'fuck off' is an excellent response personally. But with a two year old I think maybe be more polite. Something like, "Oh shove it up your arse you repressed old bat" might be just as effective.

spidermama Fri 01-Jul-05 21:58:44

I'd have been really furious. An old lady should know better. I'd say, 'I could just let him scream with hunger if you're really offended'.

Caligula Fri 01-Jul-05 21:59:42

The other stand-by I always use is, "I'm sorry, you appear to have mistaken me for somebody who's interested".

hunkermunker Fri 01-Jul-05 22:10:09

I think I'd have said, "People who subject me to your level of ignorance are truly offensive. Please leave me to breastfeed my baby in peace and take your bigoted views elsewhere"

Well, that's what I'd have thought of afterwards. What I'd actually have done is splutter "Feck off, you mad old baggage!"

chipmonkey Fri 01-Jul-05 22:53:43

Really for you Stramash! What an old bag! LOL at starlover and love hunkermunkers reply but wouldn't have the wit to say it myself.

serah Fri 01-Jul-05 23:27:37

I think its an older generation thing, as a general observation. My sister in law had to "retire to one of the bedrooms" to feed my neice, accompanied my much nodding and murmuring of approval. Its just a hangover from the olden days when mothers weren't allowed out of the house, and table legs were covered in velvet curtains for fear that men would find the mere sight of a leg (any leg) unbearable to the point of... well, you know.

So, yes, I agree "feck off you mad old baggage" is a most suitable retort.

Either that, or take aim and squirt her in the eye so she can't see you anymore.

Or you could comment on how queasy it made you feel to see her dipping her moustache in her coffee, and would she mind drinking with a straw next time.

Oh, DON'T get me started!!

MamaMaiasaura Fri 01-Jul-05 23:39:01

I would have liked to have asked her to sod off before she turned my milk sour.. as I expect that is what happened to her..

Sorry but make me have been on the receiving end of disapproving sour old twits when ds was a baby and i bf.

milward Sat 02-Jul-05 00:26:08

So annoyed for you stramash - what a stupid bag. I'd have asked her to repeat what she was saying as I couldn't understand her remarks. Hopefully end up with the woman shouting out her problems and then you could ask her to shut up as she was disturbing the peace. Also ask a member of shop staff to have her removed from the shop as she was harassing and verbally abusing you.

Fran1 Sat 02-Jul-05 00:43:57

I am sorry but my babies to lunch in appropriate eating places rather than some scummy toilet given the glamorous name of Breastfeeding room.

stramash i can't believe that happened on your first public feeding occasion!! Glad to hear you don't sound like its going to stop you doing it again.

When i first had dd and went on my first shopping trip, i nosed in all the breastfeeding rooms i could find and vowed never to use them And in all the 2 years i bf for i didn't every use one. They are tiny filthy dirty rooms that were all empty when i looked. Normally down the end of dark corriders and i would have been far too afraid of dirty old perverts wandering down to investigate the BREAST feeding room.
Maybe paranoid but i don't care!

For hygiene, safety and comfort reasons i always fed my dd in restaurants/cafes.

Got some odd looks but never a nasty comment like that.

suzywong Sat 02-Jul-05 00:48:21

I'm for the "feck off you miserable old cow line too"

always wanted to say that but was never ever asked to stop, maybe I should hang around bank foyers with a cabbage patch doll at my breast and my wish would come true

suzywong Sat 02-Jul-05 00:49:45

didn't see that one Awen - PMSL laughing, most amusing

Fran1 Sat 02-Jul-05 00:51:15

LOL suzywong.

I used to work in a nursing home and there was a resident with dementia who spent her entire days pacing the corriders comforting and breastfeeding her baby doll.

Maybe she had the same wish as you none of us ever granted her it thought

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