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Getting a bit fed up of BF (long)

(18 Posts)
moaningminniewhingesagain Wed 04-Nov-09 09:32:54

I love BF my DS but I'm starting to resent it a little bit as well. He's nearly 11mo, still feeds at least 2 x in the night. Takes lots of solids and drinks water from a cup.

Partly it's the feeding, sometimes I nearly have to wrestle him to put him on, even when I know he wants it and feeds once he has stopped wriggling. Also he keeps grabbing my breast and shoving it in and out of his mouth as he likes. He scratches and pinches a bit.

Mostly it's the feeling tied, I really need a full day to myself, let DH take both the DCs out all day so I can just feel a bit less frazzled. I really don't want to give any formula, I really can't be arsed to expressblush and haven't got time, but am feeling very ground down with the relentlessness of it all.

I wanted to BF him til he self weans really, am also pondering trying to night wean him but not sure if there's any point - as I will be going back to work in Jan and have a feeling there will be more night feeds to catch up. Sorry for the big moan.

chibi Wed 04-Nov-09 09:42:22

i night weaned dd after 6 months, she was feeding hourly. she went down to 2x from 7-7, then at 10 months slept through.

i went back to work at 11 months, she had cow's milk at the childminders, and bf first thing in the morning, when i got home, and at bedtime. she did not feed in the night.

my hv said the cow's milk was ok as it wasn't her main drink. if you are confident she has a good diet you could even leave this out.

there is no reason why your dh can't take the kids, if you aren't there ds may not be bothered.

dd went through wriggly phases, they passed. if she was too wriggly, i put her down + tried again in a few minutes (this is as an older baby, obv not a newborn)

fwiw i fed her til 18 months, stopped due to being pg and feeling v sensitive.

hth

jemart Wed 04-Nov-09 09:50:29

Don't be guilt tripped into BF for longer than you want to. It's the first 6 months that are most important and you've done that already. Breast feeding for 11 months is really good going and more than alot of people manage.

moaningminniewhingesagain Wed 04-Nov-09 10:01:55

I don't feel guilt tripped really, and I don't really want to stop, I just need a bit of a restsmile

When I tried to night wean DD she was FF so I offered her water in the night til she decided not to bother, she was 12mo ish though.

Chibi - I may well try that idea about offering a bit of cows milk in the day, he eats v well, BLW, and may take it for DH.

I think I'm more pissed off with DH not helping generally, seems to think that as I am BF then I also do all nappies, all meals etc etc as well. Prob more a DH issue than a BF one, just wanted a little rant so thanks for listeningsmile

chibi Wed 04-Nov-09 10:56:56

the way i night weaned dd was to get dh to settle her when she woke instead of me - this was because feeds were like 'suck suck zzzzz' so she was not really needing the milk iyswim.

she soon twigged that it wasn't worth it waking up.

at 10 months i should think that your ds is more than ready to night wean, and as you've done night feeds for the last 10 months, your dh can step up fpr a few weeks!

good luck

moaningminniewhingesagain Wed 04-Nov-09 16:13:03

Ah I wish, he works nights and is only home for 1/2 nights a week. I think he has loved that I have managed to BF DS successfully so he has hardly ever got up to him.

I have occasionally handed him over when he has had a v wakeful night, you know the 3am playtime please kind of nights, but DH goes back to bed in the day after those because he is tired.

He only tends to feed for the later waking, the earlier ones seem to be a definate comfort sucking rather than hunger but I've never really tried to settle him without feeding tbh - unless its 10 mins since he fed of course.

Annabel1 Wed 04-Nov-09 16:57:12

Oh I real;y relate to this! Ds 12 months and still at least once per night. Want to stop but scared to in case I feel guilty. Know dd gets the rough end of tirednedd. CAn I really wean at night and then just carry on in the day? sounds great idea. Also relate to the scratching. He comes on and off and sometimes drags - ie big scratches and sometimes bites. Shouted in pain yesterday which made him howl poor thing. Think my family night be better off for weaning but part of me doesn't want to let go. All of this unhelpful I guess except you're not alone

Rhian82 Wed 04-Nov-09 17:12:50

We night-weaned at six months, DH took over all the night duties for a couple of weeks, cuddled and offered water but no milk. It was tough for the first week or so, but then he started sleeping till 5-6am most nights (had been waking every 2-3hours before that) which was wonderful!

DS is now 12 months and I still breastfeed morning and evening, plus occasionally in the day if he's upset or I want to keep him quiet! He's not really interested in the evening one though so I might drop that soon.

newlark Wed 04-Nov-09 21:37:36

I'm in a similar position - ds is 13 mths and I'm starting to feel it is time to give up or at least cut down bf. I have managed to reduce it to two feeds - morning and bedtime. When he wakes during the night I can normally settle without feeding as long as I get to him before he has woken up too much.

I dropped the day time feeds very gradually (one per fortnight) and make sure there is always a cup of water around - I have tried cows milk in a cup but he just plays with it and sprays it around the room - he has a varied diet and plenty of yoghurt so I hope he is getting enough dairy...

boyraiser Wed 04-Nov-09 21:55:39

First of all, well done on BFing for 11mths - as other posters have said, that's pretty good going by anyone's standards.

I can understand your feeling tired and sometimes claustrophobic from BFing so long - coupled with the desire to continue feeding your baby (for various reasons).

I know what it's like feeding an older baby and toddler, and how hard it can be to get them to "go through" when they are quite dependent on a feed or at least a quick latch to settle themselves. Like you, my DP was unable to help at night very often, and if I went in to settle the waking baby, inevitably I'd end up doing a feed as I was shattered and it seemed like the quickest way to get him to go back down.

FWIW, I tried on and off to wean him off at night, offering water for the first waking (around midnight), which encouraged him to just wake later (around 4-5am), at which time I offered a feed. At the time, this seemed like an improvement!

Sounds like you could do with some help from friends or family to help you get a bit of a rest; you might feel happier about the BFing then. Around 11mths I wouldn't feel too bad about offering a little cow's milk now and then, if only to get him used to the taste and temperature. Also, offer plenty of water and make up any deficiency in calcium by using cow's milk and other diary products in your solids.

Hope you have a few good days and nights, then you'll probably feel more on top of it all.

LeonieBurningHeapy Wed 04-Nov-09 22:01:32

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moaningminniewhingesagain Wed 04-Nov-09 22:33:36

some lovely kind words from you allsmile

leonie- am glad to say he has no teeth yet, but I'm sure it won't be long!

Have no help except for DH wrt childcare, he does the sunday dad type thing, takes DD out for fun stuff but does nowt else really - as I said, a lot of it is a DH issue really.

But DD will be starting mornings at nursery after xmas and DH will have to pull his weight a bit more when I go back to work <crossing fingers>

It is a bit claustrophobic at times, I have v little autonomy at the moment I feel, I get up when the DCs make me, feed them/wash them/etc etc ad infinitum and the only time I get to myself is in the evenings after they have settled and between feeds and chores...and I'm v jealous of DHs freedom at the minutesad

Am having an extra tired day though today so it all feels worse <shrugs>

LeonieBurningHeapy Wed 04-Nov-09 22:51:14

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LeonieBurningHeapy Wed 04-Nov-09 22:52:30

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moaningminniewhingesagain Wed 04-Nov-09 23:07:00

<faints> My first ever unmumsnetty hugswink

Time is zooming by at a horrifying rate, can't believe DD is coming up for 3shock I do know DH is sometimes a bit envious of how much time I spend with the DCs compared to him, I think I'm just ready to go back to work soon, will be in the new year. Bit of cabin fever, unrelieved by trips to playgroup and supermarket.

Best get off to bed, tiredness obviously completely unrelated to late night mumsnettinggrin

LeonieBurningHeapy Thu 05-Nov-09 07:47:27

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fufulina Thu 05-Nov-09 20:00:13

Hi MoaningMinnie - just to say that my DD is nearly 11 months old and I find that if I'm not with her - she doesn't miss boob (normally she feeds 4 times a day, and we dropped the last night feed about 2 months ago). It seems that she's fine without it during the day. She's also BLW and she just tends to tuck into her food with a bit more gusto.

In fact - it was at 7 months old that I realised she didn't need so much in the day when I went away for a day to visit a friend with a new baby and left DH with tons of expressed milk and she refused the bottles totally (she'd been taking them fine on the odd occasion before then). And she was so fine, we dropped from 7 feeds in 24 hours to 5 the next day. And then she dropped another about a month later (the night feed).

I dropped the night feeds gradually - when I decided to do it she was down to two. And I dropped the 4am (ish) one first by going down from two to one boob only at the feed and then shushed. And then did the same for the last one. But it was only because I felt really confident that she didn't need the milk - and was getting lots of food down her neck in the day.

Sorry for rambling but basically - if you want a day without DCS, am sure your DS would be fine (just feed first thing and then when they get in?), and the night-weaning I found much easier than I thought it would be. For the last feed it was literally two nights - first night 2 hour wake up and we were with her the whole time and then she slept till six and then the second night, she was awake for an hour at 1 - just grumbling really. And then the third night she slept through 6-6. I was gobsmacked. And she's done at least 11 hours a night since then (although the early mornings are a killer!). And I thought DH settling her would help - it didn't. I ended up shushing her - but I thought I'd rather she had what she's used to (me) without boob than something completely unfamilisr - IYSWIM.

Am I remotely on topic??? Anyway - hope some of this helps in some way.

moaningminniewhingesagain Fri 06-Nov-09 11:17:01

Fufulina - yes I think he would happily go most of the day with out missing me too much, he eats like a horse and drinks water well. In the daytime I generally feed him about 1030am before his morning sleep, and 3/4ish before his pm sleep, then its bedtime feeds, latenight feed, in the night and early morning.

But if he's really tired he will go down for his nap without milk no probs. I suppose I have just not tried to reduce any feeds, at all. And maybe I could <lightbulb moment>

Am confident he will manage fine on less, he got weighed this week and has done great.

We had lots of wakings last night with only a good sleep between 3 and 6am but I think he was thirsty really as he stole some of DDs sausages at teatime.

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