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I think I want to stop bf but I don't know how.

(19 Posts)
Cadelaide Sun 01-Nov-09 22:52:32

DS is 3.4 and still bf at bedtime, at least once during the night and very occasionally in the day.

The thing is I'm getting chronic neck and shoulder tension and I think the broken(ish) nights and the bf postion aren't helping at all. When I refuse it he cries so pitifully though, he won't accept a cup of milk and a cuddle as a substitute and I can't bear the tears. I cave in every time, he just seems so sad.

DCs 1 and 2 stopped much earlier and I was led by them, this one just doesn't seem to want to stop.

Cadelaide Sun 01-Nov-09 22:54:59

Must sleep. Will check in tomorrow. smile

mawbroon Sun 01-Nov-09 23:26:25

I have one the same cadelaide. He was 4 last week and despite there being next to no milk (I'm 23wks pg) he would be distraught if I told him he had to stop.

I know that some people use techniques like the promise of a special present, or a weaning party if they stop, but I know for sure that my ds wouldn't go for either of these options!!

Have you read How Weaning Happens? It's a LLL publication and gives personal accounts of weaning at various ages, and how it worked for them.


Cadelaide Tue 03-Nov-09 10:21:22

Thanks mawbroon.
I refused it last night as my neck was painful and he wept bitterly, twas awful.

Builde Tue 03-Nov-09 11:41:40

It sounds a bit cruel, but why don't you go away for the night and leave dad to go in!

Dad could then give a cup of milk and read a story.

Olisqueen Tue 03-Nov-09 13:33:27

I'm glad I found this thread, DD2 is 3.5 and is still very attached to breastfeeding, still nurses to sleep. Had a really bad night last night she wouldn't sleep I'd spent over an hour in bed with her then I just came downstairs to get on with jobs. There's no way she will self wean, she says likes breast more than chocolate. I really don't know how to stop feeding

I would like her to stop of her own volition but she won't, she likes to pretend to be a baby so even if we tell her she's a big girl now she'll want to nurse all the more.

Cadelaide Tue 03-Nov-09 15:03:28

It's good to know I'm not alone. My older DCs both chose to stop much sooner so I've never actually had to do this. It would be so much easier if I could sooth him with a cuddle but he just weeps.

It's complicated. No doubt I feel it more because he's my last.

Olisqueen Tue 03-Nov-09 17:38:35

DD2 is my last child too. Her brother weaned at 11 months but he was having formula by then anyway. I snapped last night and told DD2 there would be no more 'nana'. When she finished feeding she said Good bye to her 'nana' so tearfully and with so much emotion that I knew I couldn't make her go cold turkey.

I feel a bit better this afternoon after speaking to a LLL leader. I'm going to try to night wean first as she doesn't feed in the day anymore. Could you tell DS than your breasts are very poorly at the moment?

boyraiser Wed 04-Nov-09 22:00:41

Just weaned son at nearly 2. Took the coward's way out (!) and left him with DP and grandmother for a couple of days. When I came back we had a few, minor tantrums, and I offered lots of water, milk and dilute tea for a couple of weeks. Tonight he looked down my top, said "Look. Look." I said, "What?"; He replied "Juice" (with a very cheeky smile), but made no attempt to get access. He had been a breast obsessive, so just relating this to tell you that it might not be as bad as you think, if you have made your mind up that that's it.

Good luck whatever you do.

jamaisjedors Wed 04-Nov-09 22:06:57


DS2 is coming up for 3 (Jan) and showing no signs of self-weaning, despite:

-me having gone back to work when he was 3.5mths

-me having gone away 3 times for a week in the last 3 years

We have tried the "big boy" tactic but he just ignores.

I am not unhappy about the situation because it's only max. 2 feeds a day (one in bed in the morning 1st thing, 1 when I get in from work).

But I don't know how I'll feel once he's three (want to ditch the dummy then too).

mawbroon Thu 05-Nov-09 12:38:20

boyraiser - it sounds like your son was probably pretty ready to wean and just needed a helping hand.

I think lots of them are like that, but I know for sure that my ds wouldn't have bought it!!!

How are you getting on Cadelaide? Are you looking to stop completely? Maybe you don't know even! I completely understand when you say it's complicated. I want my ds to wean, but I don't - all at the same time!!

Cadelaide Thu 05-Nov-09 20:05:51

Oh mawbroon, you have it exactly. In the middle of the night when he's been at it for what seems like hours (probably 20 mins really!)I want it to stop once and for all, but I don't mind the bedtime feed and the odd one in the day.

And sometimes it's lovely to be so close.

I just don't know.

I suppose I'm beginning to wonder whether if I leave it entirely to him I'm going to have one of those hulking great bf 7-year-olds, like in that documentary!

WoTmania Fri 06-Nov-09 09:07:16

Do you have a LLL meeting near you you could get to?
Even if no one else has been through this they shold have 'how weaning happens' or something similar in their library.
Or 'Mothering your Nursing Toddler' which might help you decide what you want to do?

jamaisjedors Fri 06-Nov-09 12:00:33

I am part of a local bf group but the leader recently said that she fed her last child til 7.

don't think she's going to help me with weaning.

Everyone was a bit shocked I had night-weaned (well tried) DS2 at about 18mths.

WoTmania Fri 06-Nov-09 15:55:56

Jamais (you are missing a 'ne') - if it is LLL the leader will be able to tell you about weaning and help you even if that isn't what she has done personally.
Also there will usually be someone who can help

jamaisjedors Fri 06-Nov-09 18:30:27

Yes I know that thank you WotMania, but actually colloquially that's how we say it round here.

Actually it's not a LLL but a local AP/bf group.

I am a bit discouraged with them because I have been to several meetings where mothers are at their wits end with their children and are just told to soldier on regardless and not to be selfish (implied obv.)

WoTmania Fri 06-Nov-09 18:36:34

I know (I was always being told off at school and by a friends mum who was particularly hot on grammar even out of school) just my inner pedant talking.
Maybe you should becamoe a BF counsellour and start your own group?
I'm afraid I have no other suggestions. sad

Sallyallyally Fri 06-Nov-09 18:41:20

My DD B/F until over 3. Personally I was thoroughly fed up with was only at night, but in the end I said to her..I'm getting really fed up with having to give you beebles (her name for them!!)smile all the time, and she said..why do you give them to me I said, ok we'll stop!..and we did..and it was great. grin
Now DS 2.8 is feeding at night still and doesn't have the same language capabilities so no comprehensive conversation can take place. I would love to stop and hopefully will find a fairly untraumatic time over the next few months to do so..then you will see me skipping off into the hills singing merrily like some 11 stone, brunette Julie Andrews.

Cadelaide Sat 07-Nov-09 09:03:49

"beebles" grin

DS calls it "uhguh", mercifully unrecognisable in public. I'm sooooo glad he doesn't call it/them "boobies" or something.

(Yeah, yeah, I know it shouldn't matter anyway.....)

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