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Thats it, suwoo's breastfeeding journey is all but over.

(60 Posts)
suwoo Mon 19-Oct-09 13:28:59

I thought things had got better after my visit to the baby bistro on Friday.

We got to the point over the weekend where he wouldn't even take the breast into his mouth sad. I think he is having a growth spurt (12 weeks) and I don't think I have enough milk to cope with it. Lets face it, I barely had enough milk anyway.

He was starving and had barely wet nappies so I had to give him a bottle angry sad which of course he wolfed down. He did bf overnight but this morning had a small feed and was crying and rooting for more but wouldn't go near my nipple- just cried.

He has had two 4 oz bottles and one breast feed since 7 am.

I have been crying all weekend and desperately hope that I may be able to give him a bed time feed and that my milk will stick around in order to do that.

I pumped four times yesterday and only got 2 oz (yes, I know its no indication).

As those of you that have followed my threads will know, I have tried everything to make this work, but unfortunately my body has got the better of me.

To have fed him for 12 weeks is more than I could have dreamed of, but that also makes it worse because we have come so far and now I feel it is being cruelly snatched away.

Anyway, enough of my waffling, just wanted to update you all and thank you for being with me on my journey.

Here endeth my self absorbed post sad

hanaflower Mon 19-Oct-09 13:32:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AvrilH Mon 19-Oct-09 13:32:27

unmumsnetty hugs to you

suwoo Mon 19-Oct-09 13:35:08

Do you think I will hanaflower? thats great to hear, thank you.

<<loving the hugs>>

mrsjuan Mon 19-Oct-09 13:51:34

I have followed your posts and know that you've done absolutely everything. You have given him absolutely the best start in life but sometimes things just don't work out no matter how hard we try.

I promise I know how you feel - I got to exactly the same point (12 weeks). I was so devastated when I gave her the first bottle but as time has gone on I have felt much better about it.

Here are some things which helped make me feel more positive - take them or leave them.

-our babies have had much more breastmilk than the majority of babies in the uk (sad but true) - You have given him the best possible start to life.

-at least now you have the 'benefits' of bottle feeding: you can share the feeding with others, you can feed in public without a screaming fight, you can relax in the knowledge that the baby probably won't need feeding for a couple of hours after a bottle.

<disclaimer -I know that breastfeeding, when going well would be better than all those 'benefits' - I'm not trying to convince anyone else to stop, just trying to make suwoo & myself feel better)>

-you can look at your baby in the eye & talk to him while you're feeding him rather than trying grimly to keep him latched on.

I really think that you will be able to relax a bit about feeding now & start to enjoy your baby. It is really natural to feel sad about stopping feeding (and there's nothing to say that you have to stop completely -you can still offer him a feed when he is relaxed or if he wakes in the night with no pressure)

If you want, you can do a bit of expressing to give him a few ounces of EBM per day. This will also keep the supply running for night feeds etc.

Please message me if you want to chat - sorry if I have been presumptuous as to how you are feeling but your posts are almost identical to mine a few months ago.

suwoo Mon 19-Oct-09 13:58:06

<<sobs thank you to mrsJ>>

CarGirl Mon 19-Oct-09 14:02:30

everything MrsJ says is so true.

You have been amazing suwoo to get this far. Be kind to yourself and enjoy a large glass of wine this evening.

I am sad for you that it's all been traumatic and not an enjoyable experience.

Go and enjoy your beautiful baby without anymore angst about what/how/when he is going to be fed.

SmallSCREAMCap Mon 19-Oct-09 14:04:51

Ah well done suwoo! Agree with CarGirl - make a vow now not to beat yourself up further, and enjoy your baby

Another here who nursed DD once a day at bedtime for many many weeks after ending bfing, no idea whether she got any milk out of it but we both had months of lovely bedtime cuddles!

tiktok Mon 19-Oct-09 14:04:59

suwoo - you have worked so hard and shown such spirit. You don't deserve to feel so bad

Yes - you can continue to put your baby to the breast's not just about the milk! And if he decides he doesn't actually want to take it into his mouth any more, you can be skin to skin and retain the intimacy of bf for as long as you want

PacificWerewolfwoohood Mon 19-Oct-09 14:05:44

Oh, suwoo, so sorry to hear your news. I know how v hard you tried and did everything anybody could possibly do make this work.
MrsJ's post is brilliant and I have nothing to add apart from my favorite picker-upper.
You may be able to keep just a morning and evening feed going, and, as others have said, there is so much more to BFing than just the milk: the cuddles, the holding, the closeness. At least you are not very likely to ever prop a bottle up against a cushion to have your baby feed himselfshock!

I know you cannot help but feel diappointed and cheated but you have done well and I hope you feel better soon.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween Mon 19-Oct-09 14:09:14

12 weeks is fantastic, especially 12 weeks of damn hard work. You've done great

suwoo Mon 19-Oct-09 14:20:54

Yeah, but I've failed sad. Its not like I can't be bothered anymore, I don't want to stop.

<<still crying>>

QueenOfFrighteningEveryone Mon 19-Oct-09 14:23:41

Oh suwoo please please be proud of what you have achieved.

Think how apprehensive you were when you were PG and how much you have overcome to get to 12 weeks, and consider yourself an inspiration smile

And you can continue to put him to the breast whenever he will take it, for the cuddles as much as the milk. DD fed at bedtime/night for long after she had stopped in the day.

QueenOfFrighteningEveryone Mon 19-Oct-09 14:25:37

Failed my arse [stern]

You have given him 12 weeks of breastfeeding. Nobody else could have done that for him.

mrsjuan Mon 19-Oct-09 14:40:01

You haven't failed

You haven't stopped.

You are still breastfeeding.

You can hold your head up high and say 'yes , I breastfed my son'

You will still be breastfeeding for as long as you are putting him to your breast.

Consider the formula early weaning grin.

haventsleptforayear Mon 19-Oct-09 14:46:19

You haven't failed.

You have done SO well and tried your absolute hardest.

It is not ALL OVER NOW - I gave DS1 formula when I went back to work (he was 3 months) but bf him whenever I was with him... for a year.

It's not all or nothing, just enjoy the feeds you are having now without crying over them so that you remember them with happiness.

Get a piccy taken too.

Enjoy what you have, and in another couple of months your LO will be eating food and this will be long gone.

Hope you are ok.

Jacksmamwahahaha Mon 19-Oct-09 14:50:02

NO NO NO NO NO - YOU HAVE NOT FAILED - sorry to shout but you haven't!!!! 12 weeks of working as hard as you have is not failure!!!
I lurked on some of your threads but had nothing helpful to add that hadn't been said by everyone else, but I couldn't not post today - you have done fabulously well, you've persevered when most everyone else would have given up and I'm sure you'll be able to do a bed time nurse for a long time - even if only droplets come out, that'll be about comfort, rather than nutrition.

Please be kind to yourself and pat yourself on the back for all you've done!!

PacificWerewolfwoohood Mon 19-Oct-09 14:53:39

Sowoo, do NOT use the F-word <<stern look over half-rimmed glasses>>. You have ACHIEVED so much.
Please listen to what everybody is saying and cut yourself some slack, woman! smile

VulpusinaWilfsuit Mon 19-Oct-09 14:59:14

I haven't posted on your threads since you had the baby, but I have been watching from afar. I am so sorry you feel like this and you clearly haven't failed as you have fed your baby for all this time. He couldn't have got this far without you! Just think of all the love and cuddles and antibodies and nutrition he HAS had from you this far, and can continue to have if you want to just do a little bit here and there. BF for 12 weeks is a LOT more than most of the population of the UK manage. So you're a star in my book!

verylittlecarrot Mon 19-Oct-09 15:13:39

Oh Suwoo, I'm so, so sorry for you. Your post has brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye.

I feel your desperation and disappointment. Why isn't there someone out there in RL who can BLOODY WELL HELP YOU PROPERLY? There should be someone who can definitively and with absolute certainty DIAGNOSE and FIX this, and yet nobody has actually done this for you. And with the best will in the world, all the help and advice on MN isn't enough to do the trick.

I think I'm a bit too emotional to be posting right now. I worry that I will find myself in a similar situation again in a few months. I feel that you have been dreadfully let down, and I really hope you can find a way to be at peace with your feelings.

It may be little consolation, but my dd still occasionally wants nummies, despite the fact that I have had no milk for ages due to the pregnancy. I hope you can continue nursing for some time yet, regardless of supply concerns.
You have done wonderfully, and still are doing so. Thanks for sharing with us.

StealthPolarBear Mon 19-Oct-09 15:22:42

I agree with the rest, YOU HAVE NOT FAILED
(no apologies for shouting)
for a start, you fed for 12 weeks, when (if you're the person I think you are, apologies if not...) you had to overcome a lot just to start bfing him
I would think at 12 weeks you'll have enough milk to carry on doing the feeds you can do for a while.
How is he now, in between bottles? I know you are emotional, but please don't let it spoil your enjoyment of him in general. You're a fantastic mum!

cleanandclothed Mon 19-Oct-09 18:57:59

Suwoo - just to echo what everyone else has said. You are doing brilliantly, you have done brilliantly, and I know you will carry on doing brilliantly. DS has had tons of breastmilk and will continue to get some, and all the other nursing benefits that are so called 'incidental' even if you move over mainly to bottles. I am in total awe of the huge amounts of effort you have put in, bearing in mind you have two other children as well.

I am sure your posts have been inspirational to other people as well - and so actually, via mumsnet, you have/will probably helped breastfeed lots more babies smile

thaliablogs Mon 19-Oct-09 20:25:35

You have not failed. You have not failed. You have not failed.

It isn't over, but moving to more bottle feeding is going to make you feel MUCH better in the medium term. I agree with others, you can often get snugglier with a bottle than you can contemplate right now - hug your baby right in against your chest and look him in the eyes while feeding, it's quite a trip. A friend of mine who had horrific anaemia and consequently no supply did this and I always thought it looked much more intimate than breastfeeding.

Do try the website I told you about before, mothers overcoming breastfeeding issues or MOBI. Lots of people who have been where you are now.

Suwoo, I feel for you. I know it's hard, but please don't beat yourself up. You've done an incredible job.

hobbgoblin Mon 19-Oct-09 20:30:42

You've done better than me. I've done it for 12 easy weeks so far but you have persevered through 12 difficult weeks, that is far more devotion imo.

It is sad that you have been unable to fulfil your wish to bf full time for longer, I know it is.

I hope your DS enjoys the sucking for comfort aspect for a long time to come even if you formula feed alongside.

Can you use a milk bank at all if you want him to continue having breast milk?

facebookaddict Mon 19-Oct-09 20:36:06

You have NOT failed. I know everyone above has said it but you really have done a fantastic job. I only managed 8 weeks before fatigue and exhaustion depleted my supply and I had to give up (with DS I did 6mths). I felt similar guilt and upset but honestly when the bottle feeding was established and DD was happier, it actually came as a massive relief and I believe we have bonded even more than with DS as I am far less anxiety ridden over supply and quality.

You have done such a great job, hope you feel better soon smile

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