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Grrr...why did I restrain myself?

(15 Posts)
mogwai Sun 12-Jun-05 21:56:03

I'm a keen anti-smoker. At least, I won't tolerate it in my own house and I wouldn't hesitate to tell someone to stub it out if they lit up in those circumstances.

We went to a BBQ over the weekend and met a couple we had never met before. I'm 39 weeks pg and the woman in this couple asked me if I'm planning to bf, which I'm not, and that's exactly what I said.

She obviously had a bit of an issue with this, told me how wonderful her own experience of bf had been etc. I could see she didn't approve. I made positive noises to the effect of "oh it's nice to hear it worked out so well for you".

All the time, this woman was chain smoking all over her three year old daughter, which, apart from the health side of things, I don't think sets a great example.

Each to their own, the three year old is not MY daughter, her decision to smoke is none of my business.

But why is it ok for her to have an obvious opinion on my choices...or rather....why didn't I react? I couldn't think of the right words to say at the time....

pupuce Sun 12-Jun-05 21:57:43

Don't waste your breath.... it's her business.... and your choice is yours

charleepeters Sun 12-Jun-05 21:57:54

it makes me so mad people smoking arond children , i caused a scene in town the other day because so old twat blatently was cooing over ds and blew smoke into his pram i went mad!

starlover Sun 12-Jun-05 21:58:31

oh god yes, i know what you mean!
i would have said "well it's lovely you had such a positive experience of breastfeeding, what a shame you are cancelling out all of the benefits by making your child SMOKE"

actualy, i wouldn't have said it as i'd have been too scared... but i'd like to think i would!

beansontoast Sun 12-Jun-05 21:59:58

you didnt react cos your preg and not your usual self..maybe?

sounds like she just wanted to talk about herself to me.

mizmiz Sun 12-Jun-05 22:01:13

Each to their own eh?
As someone who shares your profession,the interactive aspect of breastfeeding and possible ramifications with regards to communication development is something that I am considering researching.

mogwai Sun 12-Jun-05 22:02:19

that's exactly the thing...but people don't seem scared to have an opinion on feeding. She bf for a few weeks, hell, that's great, but like you say, she kind of cancels it out for all these years.

I even had to move my chair because she was blowing her smoke all over me too....then she starts complaining she's getting "smoked out" cos she's too close to the BBQ the temptation to say "surely you don't notice the difference" was almost overwhelming!

charleepeters Sun 12-Jun-05 22:02:44

i know how you feel BIL smokes all over DN's and it drives me crazy but unfortunalty hes a stubborn pig and its not my business how he raises his kids but i do have to bite my lip when the youngest 2yr coughs her little heart out

mogwai Sun 12-Jun-05 22:03:47

yey mizmiz

that would be interesting. More eye contact with a bottle feed? I don't know. You're gonna be one busy lady!!

mizmiz Sun 12-Jun-05 22:04:23


How long to go?
Two weeks is it?

mogwai Sun 12-Jun-05 22:06:51

21st June, hoping it will come on the 19th as it's father's day (saves me buying a card )

charleepeters Sun 12-Jun-05 22:07:48

lol i did that so i wouldnt have to buy dp a birthday pressie!

mogwai Sun 12-Jun-05 22:10:18

actually I could start up a whole anti-smoking website, such is my passion, and yet still I didn't react! I am such a pussycat right now.

Our neighbour is 65 years old, she tried to give up smoking but failed. These days she only smokes in the garden cos for the few weeks she gave up, someone commented that her house smelt better.

Problem is, it wafts right in our direction. She's retired and chain smokes all day long. Then her children visit and they all join her. We call it "Olympic Smoking". In the summer we can't have any windows open, and that includes our patio doors, otherwise the place is full of smoke.

I wish I could think of a way to deal with the problme other than just feel annoyed!!!

hunkermunker Sun 12-Jun-05 23:22:05

More eye contact with bottlefeeding?!

Perhaps in the very, very early days, but DS gazes at me while he feeds and has done for months and months now!

pupuce Sun 12-Jun-05 23:30:02

Hunker - The ony thing you can'y do with BF is to prop them up on a cushion with your boob and walk away

I think the amount of communications in a feeding sessions is more to do with the mother (or who ever is feeding) than the method of feeding.
I have known a BF friend who never looked at her baby feeding.... very strange I thought. Equally I know some bottle feeders who talk to their babies when they give them a bottle.

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