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Never heard this one before [sarcasm] Pressure to give up BF?

(19 Posts)
marenmj Fri 02-Oct-09 15:27:36

DD is nine months and I have mentioned in passing my intent to continue BF until at least 12 months and revisit the issue then and decide what to do based on DD's state.

My mum is starting to put me under pressure to stop. Now, I didn't get married to please her and I didn't join her religion, so I'm not going to stop just for her, but I would like some ammunition for the inevitable conversations.

1 - the WHO recommends BF'ing until 2 years
Response: well, maybe that's the recommendation for the World but not us hmm

2 - US Surgeon General says a baby would be lucky to be breastfed to two
Response: oh, that's meant for lower-income families hmm

Her other argument is that it's "embarrassing" to have a toddler undoing your top and pawing at your boobs. (she added "in church" so I suspect that has something to do with it). She managed to tell my little sister that "God doesn't want to see your belly button" so I suspect her idea of an all-seeing, all-knowing God is one that doesn't have x-ray vision.

Erm, kay. What are boobs for then?

She seems to think that by 12 months there's plenty of other places that DD could be getting nutrients so it isn't necessary to BF, and that me carrying on because it is a source of comfort to DD is wrong (and I think she secretly thinks it's a bit perverted). Saying it's good for DD is met with arguments that there are plenty of other places to get good stuff that aren't <whispers> breasts.

I need better responses than to roll my eyes. I've made the hmm face at my parents far too often lately.

I'm the oldest of six kids, and she did BF them all back in the 80's when BF'ing rates were at their lowest (she weaned us when our teeth came in), so I can't rightly tell her she doesn't know what she's talking about.

chibi Fri 02-Oct-09 15:36:37

neither of you is going to convince the other.

perhaps you are best served by being honest - 'this is something that is important to me as a parent + so it's not up for discussion. you've made your feelings clear, so i don't think this is a conversation we need to keeo having'

or just smile and nod.

fwiw I agree with you, bfed dd to 18 months, hope to do the same for ds.

norktasticninja Fri 02-Oct-09 15:40:33

At a certain point I just let it go and started refusing to discus the subject at all. If people wont listen to reason there's no point in entering into a discussion at all.

DS is 4 months and the 'isn't it time you got him off the breast' comments have started already. They just get a hmm.

marenmj Fri 02-Oct-09 15:41:56

lol, I think the hmm is the best emoticon. I find myself doing the hmm a lot in RL.

norktasticninja Fri 02-Oct-09 15:42:36

FWIW I fed DD to 13 months and had hoped to feed for longer, unfortunately my milk pretty much dried up and BF became unbearable as I entered the second trimester of my pregnancy with DS. I'm planning to feed DS for at least as long.

VirginiaLoveGlove Fri 02-Oct-09 15:43:41

tell her that Mary breastfed baby Jesus and most likely past the age of 2.

children from poor families like the Holy Family would have breastfed past the age of 2 otherwise children, like Baby Jesus, died.

Oh, the Koran advocates bfing till the age of 2. Jesus descended from a similar genetic stock as the Muslims in today's Middle East.

Restrainedrabbit Fri 02-Oct-09 15:49:37

I find the best response is: 'so you kept your breasts for sex did you Mum?' that'll stop any such stupid comments in the future grin wink

marenmj Fri 02-Oct-09 15:49:42

VLG, grin mum's Jesus is rather white and has very blue eyes wink

I think I will just accept that she can't be convinced. I didn't feel bad about deploying hmmface at step-MIL but do feel a bit guilty about it with my mum. Not guilty enough to stop BF'ing mind you grin

DitaVonCheese Fri 02-Oct-09 17:59:53

grin at Restrainedrabbit

Erm, we are in the world, aren't we? Where are you posting from?!

Your DD may get her nutrients from food, but she won't get her immune system from eating. Also if you stopped now then you'd have to start buying formula and it seems like utter madness to me to stop using the best, free thing and start paying for one that isn't as good hmm (I also love the hmm!)

You have my sympathies by the way, as my mum (also a bfer herself) started up when DD was 9 months too (also with the embarrassing-to-be-pawed argument, though not with the church stuff. I mentioned feeding etiquette to knock the pawing argument on the head btw).

GhostWriter Fri 02-Oct-09 18:10:34

God might see your belly button. Well I would imagine if God is everywhere then he's seen a bit more than your bellybutton.

Which planet are you on if earth's bfing recommendations don't apply?

The WHO guidelines are aimed at every baby.

I think there's little you can do tbh other than say 'no thank you, I'd prefer not to discuss my breasts with you.'

BouncingTurtle Fri 02-Oct-09 18:15:29

Yes I would just refuse to discuss it. Your child, your decision.

And both the recommendations you posted out, as you correctly inferred are for all babies regardless of socio-economic status. And I'm sure it might even apply to babies born on the Moon too grin

And I have breastfed my son in my church, post the age of 1 and no-one batted an eyelid.

tiktok Fri 02-Oct-09 18:19:42

I think it's unreasonable of her to expect to engage you in any conversation about it. She's not open to other views, and she is critical of yours, so there is no 'discussion'.

I'd suggest saying, 'this is not a subject I want to talk to you about, mum, sorry....hope you understand that our relationship will be the better for just agreeing to stay silent on it, ok?'

Your best approach is to continue bringing up lovely, loving, confident kids, and she will see you are not doing anything horribly wrong

millimummy Fri 02-Oct-09 18:26:57

The Koran advocates bf until age 2 and beyond that point further bf to be agreed between the man and the woman.

It is most likely that Jesus would have been bf at least until age 2.

The global average for weaning is 4 years old. Which means that there are many, many children being bf until 7 (average brought down by Western bf stopping at six months...or never bf at all).

The WHO and UNICEF guidelines do not have any postscripts saying, "Oh by the way this only applies to women in sub-Saharan Africa". It applies globally.

God presumably made the belly button in question. (I could go on in this vein).

As others have said, I think the best way is not to discuss. She will not be convinced by your way and (it is to be hoped!) you will not be put off bf by wanting to conform. Good luck!

madlentileater Fri 02-Oct-09 18:34:13

v funny about the belly button!

go for the jesus arguement, then take tikok's tack

sparkle12mar08 Fri 02-Oct-09 18:48:10

Tiktok and chibi have got it nailed. You will be wasting your breathe in trying to engage with her. You have already decided what you want to do, you don't need to convince her, that's not the point. You need a sentence that you can say to her, along the lines already suggested, that you simply repeat in responce to any and all comments/conversations. It's harder said than done, but I really do think it's the only way forward.

marenmj Fri 02-Oct-09 19:41:15

Thank you everyone, and especially thank you for the ettiquite page. D

I will just have to be polite and firm and not discuss it. I could go on for days on the church aspect, but that's not really the kind of conversation she could have with me, so I will just stick it out and let her think I'm a strange hippy grin

TheShockoftheTwo Fri 02-Oct-09 22:55:23

Refuse to talk to her about it as it's totally up to you and your child. It sounds like her mind's made up and you'd be wasting your breath.
OR you could wind her up, point out that God invented it, and that am sure Jesus was feeding til at least two, being from a lower income family...
Seriously though, breastmilk is amazingly nutritious and if you want to feed your child that's your decision.
Another good argument is that women in 'developed' countries breastfeeding is hugely positive for the world, and especially developing countries, as it will reduce the image of formula as being the choice of more 'modern' women.

www.theshockofthetwo.blogspot.com

DitaVonCheese Sat 03-Oct-09 00:05:04

Glad the etiquette page helped! Have to admit that the photos made me chuckle grin

Another thing to consider - your DD getting her nutrients from food doesn't protect you from various cancers etc

DuelingFanjo Sat 03-Oct-09 00:08:04

can't you say 'get used to it because like I've said I'm not stopping yet so it doesn't matter how many times you tell me all this I really am not going to let it influence me' ?

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