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It's so difficult to stop

(19 Posts)
PrettyCandles Tue 29-Sep-09 13:14:15

But I really ought to.

Ds2 will be 3 in a couple of weeks, and I've started HRT. Nobody really knows what effect it could have on him, though nobody thinks it is likely to harm him. But, if there is no evidence... And in any case, he's being a bit rough at times, and I would quite like to be on the receiving end of a cuddle or a kiss, instead of a hijack quick couple of sucks and off.

But I like feeding, and I like the closeness, and it's virtually the only cuddles he offers me, and I like the lie-down I get when feeding him, and I really wish I could just let him self-wean.

And I'm all mixed-up about this.

CuntWhacker Tue 29-Sep-09 13:16:59

Eek. I don't know what I would do in your situation.

Has he shown any signs of self-weaning?

Are there any studies at all as to how much gets into your breastmilk?

PrettyCandles Tue 29-Sep-09 13:19:56

I haven't been able to find anything, nor has anybody I've asked. BfN Drugline also don't know. Not very common for peri-menopausal women to be ebfing!

No signs of self-weaning. He was leaning that way last year, but we discovered that he was dairy-intolerant, so I encouraged him to continue feeding, and now he's not going to give it up easily.

CuntWhacker Tue 29-Sep-09 13:32:20

Can you ask your doctor what the effects would be if they gave HRT to a toddler boy? If they are not significant then maybe it is a chance you are happy to take? AS anything coming through breastmilk (if at all) would be so, so diluted

<<disclaimer - I know nothing about HRT, so sorry if the above is trite or stupid>>

CuntWhacker Tue 29-Sep-09 13:32:30

and, I'm sure you've considered this, but could you delay the HRT or use alternative remedies in the meantime until he self-weans?

PrettyCandles Tue 29-Sep-09 13:40:52

I can't delay HRT. I can't cope with the symptoms, and nor can my family.

The doctor's opinion is that, as they are just replacing what would normally be there, there shouldn't be any effects. But it's all theoretical.

I think in any case that the effects of HRT on a child would probably be quite serious. HRT is oestrogen and progesterone - female sex hormones. But it is known that very little progesterone gets into the breastmilk (which is why mini-pill and Mirena are safe during bfing). Less data for oestrogen, as combined pill tends to dry up bm, hence not prescribed during bfing.

CuntWhacker Tue 29-Sep-09 13:57:37

Oh so confusing. I don't know what else to recommend/advise.

You know you have done fantastically well to bf for so long. So don't feel too bad if you need to stop for DS's sake. Maybe think of it, in that you breastfed to give him the healthiest, best start in life. And now you have to stop becuase that is likely to be best for his health in light of you taking HRT?

Sorry you're suffering from this quandary on top of the symptoms.

stillstanding Tue 29-Sep-09 14:05:51

So difficult especially when you have mixed feelings about it ...

I stopped bfing DS when he turned two. That was when I wanted to stop feeding him but at the time I also found out I had an infection and had to go on antibiotics. Without those I think I would have dithered for ages longer. I was absolutely dreading it and thought there would be a lot of drama involved but there really wasn't. It took all of three days before DS stopped asking altogether. I think the thing that really helped me was not only that I wanted to stop but also that I absolutely could not give in because of the antibiotics so there were no confused messages to DS and no little slips.

Personally I wouldn't want to take the risk of bfing if I was taking something where the effects were not known. I also think that stopping at 3 is a jolly good run and you should not feel bad about doing it.

But ultimately it is a very personal decision and you just have to do what you think is best. If you do decide to stop though I really would recommend holding firm and not giving in now and again as that can make it so much harder on you both. Good luck!

Longtalljosie Tue 29-Sep-09 17:41:26

I think if you have reservations about the effect on his health, you probably should stop. You'll only feel guilty otherwise.

As to the cuddles - he'll come and cuddle you when he doesn't get bf cuddles any more, I'm sure. He's as used to the closeness as you are.

WobblyPig Tue 29-Sep-09 17:45:48

Are they sure that you are peri-menopausal? Would think was quite hard to establish whilst you are breastfeeding.

FourArms Tue 29-Sep-09 17:49:05

I stopped bfing DS2 at 34m and I truly expected it to be horrific. He was still bf to sleep, and fed on demand a lot of times per day.

I went completely cold turkey. It was fine. After two weeks, he didn't even ask at all.

I now get lots of lovely cuddles. Before all cuddles were getting bm orientated.

Good luck whatever you decide

BustleInYourHedgerow Tue 29-Sep-09 18:16:26

You have done so so well to bf for so long
Just focus on how much of a better mum and partner you'll be once you are on HRT.

PrettyCandles Tue 29-Sep-09 18:45:00

Fourarms, how did you get him to sleep?

FourArms Tue 29-Sep-09 20:05:09

I told him that 'mummies milk' wasn't working any more. I took a cup of cow milk up to bed with us, and laid down with him stroking his hair until he fell asleep. Then I cried because he'd gone to sleep without me feeding him. hmm It took a while the first night, less the next, then he progressed to a kiss and being tucked into bed! He took the whole thing surprisingly well as all my RL friends will testify to! I was so shocked about how easy it all was, but I think the older age helps with the understanding.

PrettyCandles Wed 30-Sep-09 13:18:08

Oh dear sad. Just this morning, out of the blue while we were driving, ds started telling me how Mummy has special mummy-milk in her breasts, and how much he likes drinking it. I feel like a complete sh*t planning to take it away from him now.sadsadsad

I explained to him that Mummy-milk is really for babies, and now that he's not really a baby any more it will soon finish. He didn't make a fuss, but was clearly uneasy about it.

It's a relief to hear that you managed the transition without tears - his tears, that is! - because it was quite painful for us getting ds to stop night feeding and to go to sleep without a boob in his mouth. Evenings now, he chooses whether to have a story after his feed or to feed to sleep. It's daytime naps that are a problem - he still feeds to sleep then.

I know he can do it, because if I'm away dh puts him down without much difficulty. But if ds knows that I'm around, he will insist on his feed. The toughy is going to be letting me put him down without feeding.

StealthPolarBear Wed 30-Sep-09 13:23:08

oh you poor thing
I hope you don't mind me saying that in your situation I would stop. The thought of him geting all those hormones...
Though I have no idea how much actually gets through, and I drink while bf, so maybe a bit mixed up!

StealthPolarBear Wed 30-Sep-09 13:25:24

can you start now, building something else up to be the special bedtime routine, and start giving him his night time feed an hour or so earlier? then you're getting him used to something new without the emotional wrench for bothof you? when thats established, drop the feed?

FourArms Wed 30-Sep-09 15:01:01

I hope it goes well for you. Honestly DS2 was so attached to bfing I never thought it would end. I expected lots of tears and tantrums. He also fed to sleep for daytime naps (which stopped when bfing stopped) and bf back to sleep if he woke in the night. But he's overcome all of that, and I'm sure your DS will too.

PrettyCandles Wed 30-Sep-09 22:33:25

I can't let him drop the naps. He still needs them.

Argh. I need someone to wave a magic wand!

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