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Motherhood is a competitive sport....

(7 Posts)
1stMrsF Wed 23-Sep-09 22:02:39

So, I'm the last of my group of university friends to have children, and now I've done it, I have nothing but the utmost respect for what they have achived, particularly those with more than one. I had no idea!

I have twin girls, my first babies, who are almost 5 months old and exclusively bf. To have got to this point was quite hard work, and I couldn't have done it without support from MN and RL friends and family.

However, in the last week, I've been really surprised by some comments some of them have made. In 3 separate conversations I've been asked when I'm going to stop bf and when I'm going to start weaning. I'm definitely going to wait until 6 months, probably try BLW and keep feeding on demand indefinitely - I don't feel the need to put an outer limit on it, and I'd rather wait and see what the babies decide to do, but my friends have been full of comments like 'have you hit the wall yet? You will' and 'I kept going until 6 months but after that I just wanted to get my body back' and 'you should give yourself a break now, it's hard enough to feed one, you don't want to feed two much longer'

I'd never criticize their decisions to stop bf at 6 months/wean at 4 months - they must make their own parenting decisions, so why do I feel mine are under attack? I can only come to the conclusion that this is another example of motherhood being a competitive sport - they have all done a great job of bf until 6 months, but along comes the twin mum and trumps them (in their eyes, not mine)!

Why can't we all just be proud of ourselves?

Iggi999 Wed 23-Sep-09 22:44:45

You seem very reasonable, and tolerant of your friends' rudeness. You should indeed be proud of yourself! Do you think your pals have a chip on their shoulder because they made different choices to you/feel guilty and hence defensive/just can't stop themselves from interfering? I'd expect you to hear that stuff from women of a different generation (like my mum, who put rusks in my milk at 4 weeks!), not your contemporaries. Ignore them. Smile enigmatically. Come onto MN and tell us.

moondog Thu 24-Sep-09 00:45:27

Yes,just smile.
May I just say what a fantastic achievement that is????

Well done! smile

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Thu 24-Sep-09 00:50:22

I think you've nailed it on the head, when you say that they feel like you've "trumped" them somehow. You might make them feel insecure or like they didn't do as much as they could've - which is of course absurd because we all have different tolerance levels and expectations.

You've done amazingly and I am sure you will continue to do so, I am speechless at ex-bf twins. Seriously, well done you. smile (Hope that doesn't come across as patronising!)

Ineedmorechocolatenow Thu 24-Sep-09 07:04:59

How fabulous that you have ex-bf your twins. My friend has twin boys and she also ex-bf them. She also had to cope with them both having colic and her DH being away for large periods of time as a long-haul pilot.... not sure how she didn't go insane!

My DD is 16 weeks and ex-BF. I seem to be fending off questions every day as to when I'm going to start weaning her and when I'm going to give her a bottle. I just smile and say 'not until she is ready'. It doesn't really bother me too much.

I had a horrendous time BF DS and had to stop after 10 days and FF instead. It makes my heart smile every day when I BF DD.

Huge well done xx

WoTmania Thu 24-Sep-09 08:13:25

Wow! Firstly, twins exBF to 5 months. That's a real acheivement.
Your friends probably feel criticised by your way of doing things. They may not realise how their comments come across. Maybe they are really justifying how they did things to themselves.
I've never nursed twins but I'm tandem nursing DS2 and DD and get a lot of comments from people about how 'they couldn't/didn't have enough milk/wanted their body back' (they bring the topic up not me). I'm usually just non-commital and say how we all do things differently.

1stMrsF Thu 24-Sep-09 10:39:59

Thanks for these great replies. I wasn't fishing for praise, but it does help a lot to have other people acknowledge the achievement so thank you very much.

Ineedmorechocolate I particularly like your response of 'when she is ready' I think that will be my response from now on - I really don't want to get into a defensive position in these converations.

Iggi - I did in fact think they were being very rude and I was a bit po'd about their comments really, but I wondered if I was being a bit defensive myself - good to know someone else things I'm being reasonable. And I will come onto Mumsnet for my support instead - more helpful!

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