DS nearly two and still feeding - what do I say to people now?

[Stefka]

I usually give the line about the WHO recommending two years but I won't be able to use that for much longer! Everyone already thinks I am weird and I doubt DS is going to stop anytime soon. What do you say to people if you are feeding beyond two years?

[mawbroon]

The WHO recommend two years and beyond, not just two years.

I don't make excuses for "still" breastfeeding (ds is almost 4) and just shrug and say to anyone who is rude/interested enough to ask, that he will stop when he's ready.

[CharCharGabor]

I just say yes. So far noone has pushed further than that. The WHO only recommends a minimum of 2 years so still quotable I think I think an outward confidence in your decisions does put people off a bit.

[Stefka]

I wish I could be more like that and I am really proud to still be feeding DS. I get stressed when people start to get all judgey at me though.

[puffylovett]

Just explain it's the best weapon in your arsenal re teething, and a godsend when bm is the only thing they will keep down through stomach bugs - if they ask !

Not to mention all the immune benefits.

Or you could just answer with - 'well they're not really designed to drink cows milk, are they' ad leave it at that.

[popsycal]

I didnt say anything.,
ds2 fed until afew weeks before his 3rd birthday
ds3 has just turned 1 and is no where near giving up

[Caz10]

I am in the same boat with dd 22mths showing no signs of stopping. A nice but clearly a bit baffled by it friend asked me about it today, and I said to her that if you didn't want to FORCE them to stop, I was going with the BfN advice of "never offer, never refuse" which should hopefully lead to dd weaning when it suits her. You could see my friend was thinking about the fact that I wasn't forcing dd to stop against her will (disclaimer I am NOT saying that is what I think people who stop earlier are doing!! Was just saying for effect!) and seemed quite reassured by that idea...

As I say though, she was nice, don't know how brave I would be if someone was outright challenging me about it.

[CharCharGabor]

I know what you mean, I have had a few negative comments from HCPs and have got a bit flustered. I am crap at being assertive usually but so far have been successful with this. Don't know what I'd say if they carried on pushing it, never needed to think about it

Worst was the doctor when DD was almost 2.
'So she doesn't eat solids?' Erm yes. Lots.
'So she only drinks bm?' Nope, water. Lots.
Doctor - cat's bum mouth and sucking air through teeth

Friends have been fine though.

[weegiemum]

WHO says 2 years and beyond!!!

Well done!

(dd was 2 when she self weaned. Leave it till then!!)

[Stefka]

I am very crap at being assertive. The not forcing line is good though as that is totally what I would have to do to stop him - I know he would be distraught. Actually DH put it nicely the other day when he said it was about the relationship between myself and DS and it was no one else's business.

I know I shouldn't have to justify myself at all to people but I still feel pressure to do so.

[Caz10]

How did it happen weegiemum? Was it a sudden or a gradual thing? I'm kind of at the stage where I'm hoping dd does it soon, I have one really sore boob and it's getting me down. But then yesterday she said no to bm and asked for a bowl of cereal instead and I felt really sad!!

[Caz10]

I'm glad that made sense Stefka, I re-read my post and didn't think I'd explained it very well!! I am very very crap at being assertive too so it was the best I could come up with tbh. Normally when people ask when I'm going to stop, I laugh it off and say it's up to dd! But I'm aware I sound quite apologetic about it, which I really shouldn't be.

[thumbwitch]

Ds is 21.5mo now and only feeds at night. And that, I think, is only because he is currently sleeping with me (sharing a bedroom at my MIL's house) When we move into our ownhouse, and DS goes back into his cot (Ha! I hope, anyway), I expect the feeding will go down to just one before bed, and then probably just tail off [hopeful emoticon]

DH doesn't really mind that I am still feeding him except that we are ttc and, given my advanced age, bf'ing might be an added impediment. Howver, DH would be happy if we stopped with the feeding now, and probably quite unhappy if we carried on past 2 - it's some kind of weird conditioning that non-babies shouldn't need bm.

In the end though, it's no one's business but your own - so hold your head up high and don't worry about what other people think, you are doing your best for your DS in terms of health.

[miamla]

DS is 14mths and i'm going to be quoting what your DH said Stefka! it really is about our relationship with our DCs and really no one else's business! perfect! can you thank your DH please!

Caz10, I like what you said about not forcing them to stop as well

extra ammunition is always welcome, especially when dealing with my mil's mil! she only fed her DS (my fil) for 3 days and she was quite upset when i was still bf DS on day 4! Her son turned out perfect and obviously it was down to her stopping the bf early that made him so perfect

[mawbroon]

thumbwitch - get thee a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler (if you haven't got it already!)

Then you will have more of an idea where you are at fertility wise, and see what changes cutting down feding makes (if need be).

I took 2.5yrs ttc no2 whilst nursing ds, but because I knew exactly what was going on, it didn't bother me.

Sorry to gatecrash!

[Caz10]

I got my periods back at 9mths - that's not fair surely?!?!

[thumbwitch]

thanks Leonie - mine came back at 9m pp; but I think bf is just one factor too far, being over 40 as well

[mehdismummy]

i fed ds until he was nearly 3 and when people made comments i told them to fuck off and mind thier own business, he self weaned, my child my business could not have given a rats arse what people thought. did what was best for us not others

[ThixotropicOobleck]

Stefka,

i have named changed many times including tonight but I remember (very well, as I posted a LOT on your threads) how fecking difficult it was for you when you started.

So I just wanted to give you a HUGE pat on the back for still doing it (me too, FWIW - with lots of the same issues about what to say and how to stop...) There is an extended bf support thread somewhere, perhaps posting on that would help?

[hambler]

well done!
Say nothing

[pasturesnew]

I either used to say nothing or depending on who was asking that (a) just as it was physically hard to start bf it is also hard to stop as I did not want the discomfort of engorgement or mastitis and (b) it was a valuable part of DS & my relationship following me going back to work.