2.5 yo ds decided to self wean

[kaylasmum]

my 2.5 yo ds has stopped wanting to feed over the past 3 days. I think he has hand foot and mouth as he has small blisters on his hands feet and some spots on his tongue. I'm not sure if this is making him reluctant to feed but he is just refusing completely. He would normally feed numerous times throughout the day. I feel a little sad about this as i was'nt palnning on stopping yet but he seems to have made his mind up. Now i am so engorged that i'm in a lot of pain. Does anyone have any tips to make me feel a little more comfortable and i was also wondering if anyone else has had experience of their dcs weaning themselves.

[LilRedWG]

Strangely, the old wives tale about cabbage leaves in your bra actually works - well for a few minutes until it gets warm.

Failing that hot flannels or a soak in the bath. I think that you can relieve the pressure by hand expressing a little with stimulating further lactation, but I'm not absolutely sure, so maybe best to wait for someone who knows what they are on about to come along.

[mawbroon]

You can express a bit off to relieve the discomfort. If your ds would drink it then it's a way of getting the antibodies into him to help him recover.

I would be willing to bet that it's the sore mouth putting him off tbh, especially if he fed a lot before that.

You might find that he goes back to it when he's feeling a bit better. What do you think about pumping to keep your supply going in case he changes his mind? Your supply will be very robust at this stage, so even if it dipped, it wouldn't take your ds long to build it up again.

Good luck, and I hope he is feeling better soon.

[kaylasmum]

Hi thanks for your replies, i've kept offering him a feed but he just refuses. He's not eating very well at the moment but when he does eat he does'nt indicate that its uncomfortable so not sure what to think.
He was feeding quite often before this happened so i just find it very strange. I feel so sad about it, i don't think anyone else understands, i feel like something has changed. He is my last and it saddens me to think that i'll never bf a child again and also when he was having a feed it just felt so lovely, so close and it seems now that he's not as loving and does'nt need me so much. I'm sorry this seems so self pitying but i feel so down about it. I'm also in so much discomfort.

[mawbroon]

There are plenty of us on here who understand kaylasmum. Remember too that if your ds hasn't fed for 3 days, you will also be experiencing crashing hormones which make everything seem so much worse.

Have you been over to the extended breastfeeding support thread? There are plenty of stories on there of people who thought their dcs were weaning, but then went back to it. And if he doesn't go back to it, there are plenty people around who have experienced self weaning too.

[kaylasmum]

thanks again, not sure what to do. I've been thinking about trying to express and see if he'll drink the milk from a cup just to keep the supply going for a while longer incase he changes his mind, maybe just wishful thinking! I'll have a look at the extended feeding thread and see if anyone else has further advice. I suffer from depression and anxiety and i've been so down today but its good to know that other people understand how i feel.

[mawbroon]

How are you today kaylasmum?

[kaylasmum]

hi mawbroon, feeling a bit more comfortable now but still very low about not bfing anymore. I really miss it. I feel that something has changed in my relationship with my ds, its like he does'nt need me so much anymore. I know this probably sounds silly but i can't help it. I've been offering it to him over the weekend but he has no interest at all. Its so strange because he loved bfing and would feed anytime anywhere given the chance, its such a complete turnaround.

I think i just have to accept that my bfding days are over, unless i have another baby! lol! Thanks for asking how i'm feeling.

[mawbroon]

Hi kaylasmum, glad the physical discomfort has eased a bit for you.

I can only imagine that slow, gradual weaning must take a while to adjust to, never mind the shock of your ds weaning virtually overnight.

If you are still feeling down about it and can't seem to shake it off, I am sure that one of the breastfeeding helplines might be able to offer you some words of wisdom.

There is also a good LLL book called How Weaning Happens. It is full of stories of mothers whose children have weaned at all different stages. It might help you come to terms with it and hopefully help you look back at this time with fondness.

Be kind to yourself. You have given your ds a great gift, even though it may not feel like it right now. He is a lucky boy.

[fadingfast]

Hello kaylasmum. I know exactly how you feel as I think my DD has decided to stop feeding today

She is 17 months and has only had two feeds a day for a long while now. I decided to cut out the morning feed a couple of weeks ago, but was happy to carry on the evening feed. The past couple of evenings she just hasn't been very bothered about feeding at all. I'm not sure if my supply has nosedived because of dropping the morning feed, or whether she has just decided she doesn't need it any more, but I also feel really sad about it. I am not planning any more DC and I feel that a link we had is now broken. It's not helped by the fact that DS is going through a big phase of daddy-worship at the moment and keeps finding ways of letting me know how much more he loves daddy than me!

Sorry - didn't mean to hijack your post, but I just wanted to say that you're not alone (and you've bfed for a lot longer than most, including me).

[kaylasmum]

Hi fading fast, its a horrible feeling is'nt it? I know i should feel pleased that he's decided for himself to stop but i miss the closeness and i think it made him still like a baby to me. I know exactly what you mean about it feeling like a link has been broken, thats how i feel. He does'nt come to me as often as he did when he was bfing. He does still like his cuddles but not as often. I hope you start to feel better about things soon. Its so hard to let go.

[fadingfast]

I tried to feed her again this evening and she was really having none of it - head shaking and making it quite plain she didn't want it. I think I'll try once more tomorrow and then just have to accept that's that.

I keep thinking that if only I hadn't dropped the morning feed, which she was still happily having, we would be carrying on. But I am pleased with myself for doing 17 months.

I think hormones do have a big impact on how you feel initially so I'm just going to indulge myself with lots of chocolate to compensate! Hope you are feeling better now.