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struggling with breast feeding..

(10 Posts)
hairband Wed 09-Sep-09 21:45:38

well, i'm exhausted have been doing this for 2 months now and not had a proper night's sleep since the start of july

i am struggling with getting practical support so i can catch up on sleep

i feel that bottle feeding might be better as then you can guarantee how much milk your baby is getting.. and then at least get a break of a few hours (my baby often goes hourly in the night - it has been suggested due to supply issues)

i feel that if i was just left to take care of the baby and to feed him and did not have to worry about other things then my supply would sort itself out (as he could suckle and thus stimulate production)

not bothering with housework, though struggling to keep on top of laundry, and loading dishwasher. online supermarket meals delivered which I heat up for me and DH.

DH does not really understand BF and can be unsupportive at times... if i had any local practical support then would not have to lean on him so much but there is not... and sometimes he wants to come home and put his feet up and watch the footie.. when what I need is for someone to take over and let me get some shut eye..

end of tether. i really really want to BF this baby till 6 months so 3 and 3/4 months left.

have made a few new mum friends but though it seems most are struggling with various issues, none can provide the practical support i need nor the encouragement that comes from talking to others who have been in this place and got through it

sorry if i sound a bit all over the shop.. having a bad day.. it's just helped me to type this out to be honest. i am not going to give up.

thanks for listening xx

BertieBotts Wed 09-Sep-09 21:52:05

Hey Well done for getting this far! You will always find support on MN

Where are you? Someone might know of a bf group which isn't advertised very well (the local ones here are useless at advertising, they are like some kind of secret club!)

Not much else to offer, apart from a sympathetic ear.

thisisyesterday Wed 09-Sep-09 21:53:36

oh hairband, it doesn't sound over the top at all! i think a lot of us have been there and know how hideously tiring it all is. and of course, when you're tired it just all seems so much worse.

i can tell you though that hourly feeding is not uncommon in breastfed babies. not all of them do it, but a fair nu,mber do.
I had a godawful feeder/sleeper in ds2. he was the same as yours, up at least every hour for about 9 months when we read the no-cry sleep solution and introduced a dummy. after that he stillw oke up frequently, but i didn't always need to feed him
somebabies are just like this, and the risk you take with introducing a bottle is that you may end up with a baby who still wakes frequently, but you have got to make up bottles as well, which will take up a lot more of your time

IMHO the best thing you can do is go with it. co-sleep, if you can do so safely. get to bed as early as you possibly can- i used to go at about 8pm, leaving baby downstairs with dp. he would just bring him to me for feeds until he came to bed at 11ish
try and sleep during the day if you can

i think your husband needs to understand that alrthough he wants to come in and have a rest you need one too! his job finishes at 5pm or whenever, yours is 24/7 and it isn't unreasoanble of you to expect him to look after his child and allow you to get some sleep. after all, you're taking care of the most precious thing inthe world- a baby! and you can't do that if you are not able to function due to sleep deprivation

the other thing to remember is that it really, really doesn't last forever. I remember just being in what seemed like this living hell for so long and notseeing any end. But once out the other side it didn't seem so bad! do what you need to do to get through it.
don't be afraid to ask people for help. do you have any family nearby?

where are you? maybe there are some kind mumsnetters you could chat to in real life? i know it sometimes helped me just to get out and about and have a good old whinge to someone!

Harimosmummy Wed 09-Sep-09 22:00:00

This isn't advice, but I just wanted to say Good for you for having the courage and determination to stick it out.

My DS was mixed fed from birth on Paed's advice and my supply never recovered from that.

I was determined to do a better job with DD, but have failed again and, 6 weeks in, she's almost totally FF.

SO, I have no advice, but am sending you load of good vibes.

My DH is also pretty unsympathetic, didn't like me BF in public and I also struggled to talk to anyone who could help.

GOod luck.

fruitstick Wed 09-Sep-09 22:07:08

hairband, fear not, you must be exhausted.

It's such a struggle in the beginning with everyone adjusting to the overwhelming change, on top of lack of sleep but you are doing fantastically well so far.

I agree with everything this is yesterday said. I would add that quite often things get better at around 12 weeks (not yesterday's 9 months shock.

DS2 fed all the time every evening meaning that I could barely move out of my chair (no bad thing) but at 14 weeks he suddenly settled down and was quite happy to go 3 hours during the day and 4 or 5 at night. By 4.5 months he was sleeping through.

I think so often people confuse problems with breastfeeding (low supply etc) with the problems of life with a new baby. Bottlefed babies still cry, wake in the night and do all of those things. They also need varying amounts of food at given times so even if you know how much they have had you don't know how much is enough.

I found the time around 3to4 months the hardest in our relationship when DS1 was born. You are both so tired and adapting to your new roles of DH as 'breadwinner' and you as mother at home (even if these roles are only temporary). I think breastfeeding, much like childbirth, is a very difficult concept for men to grasp. They see a very straightforward, measurable, pain free method in bottle feeding and can't begin to understand why you would choose something more difficult. I can't count the number of times DH said 'it's OK, just give him a bottle' - cue much weeping on my part.

Try co-sleeping, or at least learn to feed whilst lying down during the day so you are at least getting a bit of physical rest.

And please rest assured that this phase will pass, you are nearly there and will be so glad that you hung on it.

Good luck .... now go to bed. grin

MrsMagnolia Thu 10-Sep-09 13:51:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairband Mon 14-Sep-09 21:32:19

Thanks so much for these kind replies.. I only just got the courage to check back as though my first post might have sounded a bit OTT!!!
Great laundry tip MrsM!!
I am hanging in there!!!

thanks to all xxx

UndomesticatedGoddess Tue 15-Sep-09 07:08:01

Hairband it is hard at first. I really struggled with BFing at about the same stage you're at now. Didn't have any problems as such - just hard work!

It does get alot easier around 12-14 weeks. Knowing that really kept me (us) going.

As for practical help - can you afford a cleaner? My cleaner costs the same each week as my child benefit, which is how I justify it to myself. I use it to buy time for me to be relaxed and just spend time with DS2.

My DH gets up with DS2 at about 5am when he wakes up (after 1 or 2 night feeds). This gives me a couple of hours sleep. He brings him to me when he needs to go to work. Could that be an option?

I also used to go to baby groups and talk to the other mums who were BFing. That way I found out about local support.

Today we reached 26 weeks BFing milestone! Having come through the other side I can honestly say it's worth it.

Congratulations on getting this far, the hard bit's nearly over and good luck.

(and get that DP of yours to read this thread!)

Hulla Tue 15-Sep-09 08:09:54

Hairband, just to say well done for sticking with it. It sounds like you're doing great. Its hard with a newborn. Don't feel abouit ready meals or letting the cleaning slide a bit. DH and I lived off awful microwave meals & toast for weeks!

I know 12-14 weeks can seem like forever away when your baby is 8 weeks but it really will fly by.

I second the recommendations to co-sleep (if you can) and learn to feed lying down. These things helped me greatly.

Oh one last tip, because I feed dd in the night DH gets up with her in the morning when she wakes and brings me a cuppa in bed. I get between an extra 30 mins to an hour an a half in bed. Sometimes this works better at weekends depending on what time she wakes and what time he's in work. I don't always sleep, sometimes I just watch tv and drink tea. He gets an undisturbed night and I get a bit of me-time in the mornings.

Post on here as much as you need, you'll get lots of support.

mrseverton Tue 15-Sep-09 15:59:50

Just to add as the others say it doesn't last forever! I was beside myself when I had ds thinking I would never leave the house or sleep for more than an hour due to bf!

I also wanted to smother hubby as he slept through all night and then complained about a hard day at work! He has sat in an office, drinking cofee and had an hours lunch break!

But you do get through it and you are doing the most important job looking after baby! Loads of time for housework etc when things settle!

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