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FInding it all a bit hard..

(14 Posts)
hairband Thu 13-Aug-09 16:29:04

The feeding, being at home on my own, dealing with difficult family members who come to help (as they only help that is going), NCT group that doesn't meet yet (mine was early, they are all just having theirs), few other local friends with babies..
Baby was prem, had 10days in SCBU, and a difficult pregnancy.. so guess all of the above on a background of feeling a bit drained..
Don't think I have PND but the sleeplessness is really affecting me..
Should I be posting on a different thread?? Just needed to get that rant out of my syste, hope no-one minds. Hopefully the feeding will improve, so sleep will improve.. and then I will feel more able to take it all in my stride! thanks for listening!

Bettymum Thu 13-Aug-09 16:42:42

It is hard. It will get better. I had days that I spent mostly in tears in the early stages, but you muddle through...soon your NCT buddies will have had their babies and you can all meet up, which is a huge boost. Sleep should get better...don't underestimate how awful sleeplessness can make you feel (I'm sure you're not), even 10 minutes of lying down when your baby's asleep will help. Hope you feel better soon.

duchesse Thu 13-Aug-09 16:46:19

Didn't want to read your OP without posting. You being slightly down is perfectly understandable given everything that's happened to you in the last couple of weeks. There are lots of strands to it though.

The feeding, although you haven't been specific about it, must be quite a pressing concern or you wouldn't have chosen this thread to post it in. Have you called your local NCT BF counsellor? They used to do house calls and watch you feed for as long as it took to work out how to sort out the problem.

Secondly, there are places called "baby cafes" devoted to helping with feeding issues and to get new mums in touch with others in the same situation. Try googling to find the one nearest you- you would meet all sorts of new people and get help, really quickly.

Thirdly, the NCT does bumps and babies coffee mornings. Whilst everyone at these may not be your cup of tea, you stand a real chance of making some really good friends. As far as I remember they are usually at peoples houses, which makes it all a lot less formal and a lot friendlier.

You've been through a lot in the last few weeks- cut yourself some slack and accept that tiredness is normal in the early stages of parenthood. I'm sure you're bored with hearing the old "sleep when your baby sleeps refrain" but do try to if you can! Also, try to get out every day particularly when the weather is good- problems seem to recede somewhat on a nice sunny day. And don't be afraid of asking for help from anybody who will offer it!

Good luck!

hairband Thu 13-Aug-09 16:50:22

Thanks - feel a bit better now as MIL back with babe (had taken him out and this was the first time someone other than DH had taken him... guess explains the strong feeling!)
Tried calling NCT helpline but will look into NCT visits further and the local baby cafe thing.. and will just try to be hyper outgoing and positive and get myself to some groups to meet people..
thanks for posts, made me feel less alone and demented.. !

HeadFairy Thu 13-Aug-09 17:00:54

Aw hairband, the first few weeks are punishingly hard work. I was totally shell shocked. Stupidly I tried to keep up with my normal old life, cleaning, housework, cooking complicated meals etc... nearly finished me off. From about 3 weeks I think we lived on takeaways until ds was about 7 months old

I'd echo what everyone else says, don't battle through, do take every opportunity to rest yourself, even 20 mins with your eyes closed in a dark room can be enough to keep you going for another 6 hours. If you can manage it try and get outside for a few hours daylight as often as possible. Ds was a Sept baby so by the time I was over the shock, the days were getting shorter and I used to march him around the park in semi gloom, but the fresh air really helps.

I was a bit shy about joining baby groups, I'm not terribly good at meeting new people, but something with an activity, like music classes at your local library or something similar gives you a bit of focus, so you're not fumbling around with the small talk. You may think it's ridiculous taking such a tiny baby to a music class, and indeed ds slept through most of his, but I always felt it was more for me than him. Just talking to another adult human felt fantastic.

Finally, it really really really does get better. I can't say when, because everyone's different, every baby's different, but it really really does. Eventually you'll look back and laugh at how hard everything was, and how easily you take it all in your stride. Good luck

duchesse Thu 13-Aug-09 17:01:29

Definitely not demented, but perfectly normal!!

Powdoc Thu 13-Aug-09 17:34:11

Where in the country are you Hairband? Maybe there are some nearby people on here whose babies are a tiny bit older?

hairband Fri 14-Aug-09 09:15:01

Thanks for all messages! Feeling better today as miraculously baby slept well last night! Have arranged to meet a mum I got chatting to in the hospital for coffee today.. bit nervous as only chatted for 10mins, just about long enough to get phone numbers and I can't remember what she looks like! But I guess the pram will be a bit of a giveaway!
Am going to check out online to see if there are any groups I could go to this morning! Not used to being this "forward" but needs must!

duchesse Fri 14-Aug-09 10:51:34

Go Hairband! Go forth and make friends!!

mrsfix Fri 14-Aug-09 19:15:04

Go Hairband indeed! And did you? Go that is? Last week at BF group I was sitting in a row of women, all of whom agreed we were never going to be the sort of women who went to these types of things. Saw them all there again this week too!

I have never felt lucky to have had SPD but it did make me stop doing/attempting to do anything for about 3 weeks. And I mean anything. The world revolved around our bed (co-slept) and was a lot less scary a place because of it. By the time I was fit to even climb the stairs I felt thoroughly human and even DH was over the shock of the birth/baby.

MN is a ridiculously huge help - and do you know what else really helps? Going onto MN and offering a few words of support to fellow MNers.... Go you!!wink

(SPD, in my books, is short for spatchcocked )

hairband Sun 16-Aug-09 23:35:25

Aww thanks girls
Yes I did go!Had a fab time and arranged to go to a breastfeeding group with her on Tuesday!
Am trying to get my NCT group to meet too this week, but it's a bit tricky co-ordinating everyone.. esp as some of them have 1wkers and don't want to come out yet.. as opposed to me at 6wks, desperate for social contact and a natter..
I wish I had my week all planned out with an activity each day but 'cos everyone you are trying to get together is just as much disarray it is not panning out that way!I guess I am expecting a lot of myself what with the whole background of the pregnancy/birth AND expecting there to be an instant social life.. it is all going to take time I guess..
I suppose what I really want is the chance to have a good old heart to heart about how difficult this is with someone who won't judge me.. I am so pleased to have a baby at long last.. (it's been several years of trying and many problems along the way).. and now I am here, although it is lovely it is also harder work than I ever expected! And although I feel a bit more rested this weekend, as hubby was home, I am already dreading the zombie feeling that I have in the week from the sleepless nights.. and dreading managing on hubby's long day at work - not going to ask MIL down this week due to issues last week - but just worried about staying sane as he is out from 7am till 10pm..
Oh well.. feel a bit better for having typed it out on here..
Hubby and son are currently passed out on sofa.. baby had half of his EBM, I asked hubby what happened and he said they were just taking a break and holding hands.. aahhh... I feel bad as just feel too tired for that to even make me feel like it is all worth it.. think I just need to go to bed!

Bettymum Mon 17-Aug-09 16:47:17

Well done hairband! My NCT group was a lifesaver, there were 8 of us in total so we usually managed to get 5 or 6 of us together each week and have a chat and a moan. 18 months later four of us are still in fairly close touch.
You paint a very sweet image of your DH and baby sleeping on the sofa holding hands

GruffaloMama Mon 17-Aug-09 18:55:02

hope you get a good night tonight, Hairband. The first few weeks are so, so hard. You're doing so well! And you're right, a bit of sleep (and the first few smiles) makes it all seem worth it. But that doesn't mean you're not entitled to moan or rant about it! Motherhood comes with enough guilt without denying your feelings too...

Well done for taking the first steps in getting your NCT group together - I'm sure all the other mums will be so grateful as they'll be going through all the same feelings too.

hairband Mon 17-Aug-09 20:11:55

Thank you for moral support!
Have managed to get a few more things organised - tomorrow morning going to a group with someone I met at hospital and the afternoon with NCT girls. Wednesday AM postnatal yoga (roped in an NCT buddy for that too!).. and another NCT meet-up on Friday!
GLad I joined up with the NCT!!
Thursday have the health visitor coming in the morning - so need to fix something up for the afternoon.. maybe need to see what drop in things there are locally.. it's hubby's long day away so will need something to do.. quite fancy trying baby massage..

Had an awful night - turned out baby had a lot less of his milk than I thought so was starving hungry all night, and I did not realise, so did not feed him properly. Managed to get some sleep in the day though so feeling a bit better and all 3 of us made it out for a walk in the sun this arvo which was lovely. He got hungry on way home so we stopped on a bench to feed him - a first! But it went ok!

Better go as now it is his bathtime! Bit delayed cos of the walk!
Thanks for letting me get things off my chest feel better as a result, especially knowing others have felt the same too!

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