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Issues with BFing 1st baby, determined to do it with 2nd

(9 Posts)
Aims84 Thu 06-Aug-09 19:18:11

I'm only 9 weeks pregnant now, but since finding out I was expecting again (and to be honest, ever since BFing failed with my daughter) I've been determined that I'm not going to let the same thing happen that did when I had my DD.

To cut a long story short, I wasn't treated very well in terms of helping me to breastfeed. BFC in hospital spent no less than 7 hrs with the woman opposite me all whilst I was requesting to see her, I was hand expressed by a student midwife and HCA into a spoon to feed DD. We had 2 successful BF's, her 1st one and when we got home but when I asked for help, the help I got was rubbish frankly. Still after 3 days I didn't want to throw in the towel and decided to express to see whether I was making any milk and I expressed 2oz's to which the midwife (who was not my normal lovely one) called me a silly girl as I'd make myself engorged. You can imagine the response really, baby blues and that, so I went onto formula and spent the next 6 months beating myself up about it (PND too).

So, this time, I am not going to let that happen. Whilst I know now what I'm entitled to, and I'm far more prepared for the obstacles that I might come up against with myself and the system. What else can I do?

I'm thinking of joining NCT as I didn't have ANY antenatal classes last time due to poor turn out, so had no friends going through the same thing, also, there are BF counsellors I can get advice from there aren't there? Other than that and making my intentions very clear to the midwife team I'm not sure what else...

Is it silly that I feel I need to prove to myself that I can do it?


thehouseofmirth Thu 06-Aug-09 19:40:15

Aims sorry you had such a crap time last time but well done for putting the blame firmly where it belongs and for being determined to have another go.

As you have realised, hospitals are under-resourced in terms of expert help and probably the bloke at your petrol station knows as much about bf as the average midwife or HV. There are several organisations with people who can help you and I'd recommend you contact them soon to build up a good support network. Although it's natural, BF is often quite tricky and there is a lot you can do in advance in terms of understanding how it all works which will really help.

NCT run ante natal classes of which bf will be a part, they also have bf counsellors, La Leche League also have counsellors and most areas hold monthly meetings at which pregnant mums are very much welcome.

Good luck!

Aims84 Fri 07-Aug-09 08:28:10

Thank you for your reply Mirth. It's taken me a very long time to realise that it wasn't all my fault that BF didn't work for us, my failing was that I'd just given birth and barely knew my own name, let alone to stand up for myself (and my daughter) LOL.

I've already started the uphill struggle with coaching my husband that in no uncertain terms is he to let me 'just give her a bottle' unless I have thought about a lot, tried every avenue and probably shed a lot of tears over it. I have nothing against FF, it just wasn't something I saw myself resorting to. If I end up FFing this time I want to do it safe in the knowledge I couldn't have tried any harder and it just wasn't meant to be.

I'll get in touch with NCT and LLL then and keep an eye out for BF clinic in the area.

Thanks again x

Picante Fri 07-Aug-09 08:31:13

I wouldn't bother with NCT classes, only a small percentage of the course deals with bf. You'd be better off spending the money on a post-natal doula who's got lots of bf experience.

Good luck - I'm 39 weeks with my second and failed last time too. V determined as you are. Hopefully we'll both be fine!

tiktok Fri 07-Aug-09 08:33:26

Aims - what a rotten experience

You don't need t be a member of NCT to access breastfeeding counselling help, and you could call at any time, even while pregnant, to talk about what happened and how to avoid it next time. All the helplines will talk to anyone
NCT breastfeeding line: 0300 330 0771

NotQuiteCockney Fri 07-Aug-09 08:33:29

Please stop blaming yourself. You did the best you could with the resources and help available to you.

I would recommend finding out which of the local BF support organisations does the most work in your area (NCT/LLL/BFN/ABM). If you are willing to post what town you are in, we can have a dig and find out what groups there are.

You can go along to a breastfeeding support group while pregnant, and any BF counsellor will give you some basic tips for latch, positioning and attachment of a newborn. Better to learn this stuff now, and not when you're exhausted and struggling with a newborn. You will get the same information you would get at an NCT breastfeeding class, but a) for free and b) while getting to know the people at the local BF support groups, so you'll be more confident about going when you've had the baby, either for help, a comfortable place to try breastfeeding in public, or just for a natter!

The general rule, in the UK at present, is any BF support you have to pay for is rubbish. None of the BF support organisations allow their trainees to charge anyone for help (which is as it should be!).

Aims84 Fri 07-Aug-09 14:30:34

Thanks again for all your replies.

I'm in Warminster in Wiltshire, I know of a BF group local to me through the mum's and tot's group I run so I'll try there.

Good to know that I don't need to be part of NCT etc to be able to use their BF services as I'm not overly keen on joining since an antenatal class would be a duplication of effort now in terms of labour newborn advice with exception to the breastfeeding.

Thanks again, I will def be seeking out plenty of advice before I give birth when I'm able to actually take in any information!

vanimal Sat 08-Aug-09 08:55:56

Just wanted to let you know - I didn't BF DD past 2 months (even then, that was mixed feeding), and I felt really bad about it.

DD2 is now 8 weeks old and still exclusively BF. For me the key has been perservering even when I am am finding it painful to BF. I am still not completely painfree but it is getting much easier.

A desire to do it is the most important thing IMO.

Good luck with it and congrats on your pregnancy. smile

moaningminniewhingesagain Sat 08-Aug-09 15:30:11

I also struggled first time round, mixed feeding by 7 weeks and FF from 13 weeks. I tried my best and asked for lots of help but it just didn't materialise.

This time, I was very determined, like you. We had a rough start, DS lost about 17% of birth weight and was topped up for a short time. Off top ups by 8 weeks and still happily BF now at nearly 8 months. I feel I laid some demons to rest. He is a totally different baby too. It was tricky at first but totally worth it, I had originally aimed for 6 months feeding but don't fancy stopping now that it's working so wellgrin

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