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Please help, im not sure where to turn :(

(16 Posts)
kmummy Wed 05-Aug-09 22:52:57

My lil man is 20 weeks and things are going wrong.

Hes always loved bf, fed 1-2hrs from day 1 and put weight on well, 8lb 3oz at birth
although dropped to 7lb 5oz after a rocky start...and at 19wks he was 14lbs 7oz. Two weeks ago he started having episodes of screaming at feed time, thrashing about, pulling away crying etc. This went on for a week, everyone around me saying he was obviously no longer satisfied etc, and im ashamed to say i did top him up a few times when the crying got to much. My mum suggested some rice, which i know isnt recommended but i would of done anything not to give up and an ounce of bm a day mixed with this seemed to settle him, no-more crying, feeding normally, i had my baby boy back....but its started again, crying, screaming when i try to feed him...hes had two wet nappies today and thats it, oh insisted giving him some fm before bed which he guzzled down after crying with me for 15mins when i tried to offer the breast. Im lucky if hel feed more than 5mins from me and thats a struggle, hes grumpy, and moaning, i can see hes hungry but doesnt want me. Im going to be devestated if i have to stop bf, i so wanted this special bond to carry on for a year or more, but it seems like that may not happen, is he self weaning, i just dont know where to turn, everyone around me has babies who love to bf and dont understand my problems, i feel so alone

mumblecrumble Wed 05-Aug-09 22:58:59


Too tired to think but wanted to bump for you and suggest you try hard to get in touch with breast feeding group or breast feeding personage.

Sounds very similar to us, dont be ashamed. Trying to remember what we did...

Am thinking you could possibly take comofrt in that our d was similar between 4/5 months but that we fed till 18 months and that I can;t rememebr it now so it must have got better..... Will have a think and looka gain tomorrow.

[[hugs] to you. You sounds great!

pinkspottywellies Wed 05-Aug-09 23:02:58

Sorry you're having problems sad I know people say that your diet doesn't make a difference to them, but has anything in your diet changed?

My DS cries and thrashes if I have any tea or coffee. Then cries for a couple of hours after the feed. It's so marked.

Just thought it might be worth thinking about whether anything has changed for you that might be affecting him.

Also would suggest calling one of the helplines, you'll find the numbers on here - NCT, La Lache, etc

Good luck

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Wed 05-Aug-09 23:07:17

Is he teething? Could you try rubbing some Bonjela or something before a feed and see if that helps?

Also, could you try using a Supplemental Nursing System to give the formula, rather than a bottle? That way your supply won't suffer/ smile

AquaBoo Wed 05-Aug-09 23:09:29

Hi there

Could it be reflux? That might explain the screaming and thrashing. Though am not sure if reflux is usually present from birth and then gets better, rather than the other way round. But if it is reflux, there are meds that can help.

All the best.

hairymelons Wed 05-Aug-09 23:10:03

I'm not really qualified to answer your question but... I would say that at 20 weeks he's very unlikely to be self-weaning. There is most probably something else going on- off the top of my head, could he be teething? Is he settling ok at night or waking up crying?

My DS started teething at 11 weeks and it did interfere with his feeding at various points. Also could be a developmental leap.

You sound very committed to BF so you will undoubtedly find the solution- try the La Leche League helpline in the morning 0845 120 2918 . They're lovely and will have some better answers for you than me!
I'm sure he'll settle down soon, best of luck to you!

hairymelons Wed 05-Aug-09 23:12:24

p.s. your're not alone Kmummy, we've all struggled our way through!

Spidermama Wed 05-Aug-09 23:12:59

Hi there kmummy,
Sorry you're going through this. It's so upsetting I know.
For me a couple of possibilities spring to mind. How about thrush hurting his mouth? Or as the UrbanDryad mentions, teething might be causing pain.

Anyway I would advise you to have a look at the Breastfeeding Network's website as you'll find all sorts of answers and suggestions and plans of action on there.

Also the parenting site Kellymom is excellent for breastfeeding support.

One thing I know -- your baby will pick up the stress surrounding your attempts to feed so you need to try to get really chilled. Shut yourself away with him. No distractions. Perhaps take him into the bath with you for some relaxed, skin to skin time.

Make sure you get plenty of rest so you can build up your milk supply.

Very best of luck.

Lundie Wed 05-Aug-09 23:14:20


I had the same problem with my little girl. I have similiar ideas on bf. At 17 weeks, she was not satisfied with just my bm and was carrying out similar behaviour to your little one. Went to health visitor and was advised that she was ready for weaning. She is now on 3 meals a day of baby rice/fruit/veg and I continue to bf. She is now much happier. She feeds off me 5 times a day and we give her a bottle of formula for her last feed. She is now 21 weeks and she now takes cooled boiled water from cup, so we know she gets enough fluids.

Talk to your health visitor. Baby may need food and you will still be able to bf.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Wed 05-Aug-09 23:20:01

Sorry, but Lundie, your advice completely contradicts the WHO and DOH guidelines and your HV was incorrect in what she told you.

Not wishing to turn this into a bunfight, but a hungry baby at 17 weeks needs more milk, not solids, as milk is more calorific and will fill them up more than baby rice/purees.

Spidermama's idea of thrush is a good one. Have you spoken to your GP or anyone about this? smile

BertieBotts Wed 05-Aug-09 23:25:01

Sorry Lundie, glad that worked for you but it's not neccessarily good advice for kmummy. These are not signs of needing to be weaned, they are normal developmental things for that age - most probably related to teething. Try the teething gel and see if that helps

kmummy Wed 05-Aug-09 23:34:46

Thank you for the quick replies ladies.

Ive checked his mouth for thrush (no signs) and my nipples seem fine. I did suffer with masitis last week and was on fluxocillan for that, but was told that bfing as normal was fine and it wouldnt effect my supply, unless this isnt the case..?

You know i havent even thought about teething and about this effecting his feeding, yes hes drooling and putting anything and everything into his mouth..but thats normal baby behaviour i thought, i could try some teething gel and see if this helps him at all.

He doesnt really have a set pattern though out the night, sometimes hel sleep til 4am other times 6am although the past few nights 4am is a favourite, and where before he would come into bed with us and id feed from one side and hed drop off, he now wants both sides and feeds alot longer

Its so nice to come here and get advice, i felt like i was at the end of the line tonight - so nice to know im not 'alone' in this so thank you, youve already made me feel so much better, when everyone in the 'real' world is screaming at me to stop.

Alieight Wed 05-Aug-09 23:43:21

Hi kmummy,

My DS went through a period of this around the same time - got really upset, thrashed around etc. What I found helped was a couple of things. First, I made sure that there were no distractions. Made feeding him a bit dull cos I couldn't MN/read/bimble around on the internet. On the other hand I got to spend feeding times just gazing at my gorgeous little boy grin.

Second, if he did get really upset, I didn't try and force him or coax him or persuade him to feed. I just left it for a few minutes, and tried again.

When it seemed to be related to teething I did what people above have suggested, plus about 5 minutes before a feed I got him to chew on a teething ring I kept in the fridge.

It did pass and I'm still feeding him at just past a year.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Wed 05-Aug-09 23:48:22

Aw bless you. smile When my ds was this age, I found just talking it through helped.

I think (and this is my own personal opinion) that babies do get much hungrier at 17ish weeks. It's certainly something a lot of my friends have been through with their babies - so waking up in the night again wanting feeding, demanding more etc - it's all very normal. They're growing at an amazing pace and need more milk to satisfy this hunger. He might also be building up your supply ready for a growth spurt.

hairymelons Wed 05-Aug-09 23:49:30

If he's feeding more in the night and seems generally unsatisfied could be a growth spurt too, 20 weeks is a classic time to spurt.
Who's saying you should stop and why? Not what you need when things get tough sad

Lundie Thu 06-Aug-09 00:08:15

Each baby is different. Only stating my situation, similarities with kmummy and what worked for me and my baby. I can feel for what you are going through. I am not suggesting nor advising this for kmummy. I was sharing my experience.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad - I would of agreed with you as I expected my child to continue to be solely bf for 6 months, but unfortunately not all babies are the same nor can we all go by what the WHO & DOH suggest. Please do not question my decision nor that of my health visitor. My baby was showing all other developmental milestones showing she was ready for weaning and not teething.

Kmummy - Best suggestion is to speak to health visitor or gp and get a professional opinion. Things will get better.

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