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How do you explain your feeding choice without looking like DIL from hell?

(61 Posts)
PrammyMammy Tue 28-Jul-09 20:12:40

Due dc2 in just over a month so i raided out my old feeding bras in an attempt to see what i would need to buy for in my hospital bag. They had been in the drawer for a year so i washed them all and hung on a small over the bath type clothes horse because it is raining buckets but too hot to justify using the dryer.
Anyway, my dp's mum and dad visited today and noticed them while using the loo, they must have been speaking about it while i was making tea because when i came back through they asked about why i had them out already, they had hoped i would bottle feed because they didn't get a chance to feed ds (19 mo) I just said that i had not thought about that but didn't really know what else to say. They already think little of me and choices i make with ds etc so what can i say that is polite but to the point?

louii Tue 28-Jul-09 20:15:14

How about, its none of your business, how odd.

thisisyesterday Tue 28-Jul-09 20:15:53

i would have said something along the lines of

"so, you want me to spend hundreds of pounds on formula and compromise my chi;ld's health so you can give it a feed? erm, no"

pigletmania Tue 28-Jul-09 20:16:08

Just ignore them, easier said than done. They can still feed the baby if you express

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Tue 28-Jul-09 20:16:10

shock how rude! Feeding the baby is not their right.

Simply tell them that you will be bfing the new baby because you believe it's best for your baby. They are welcome to have as many cuddles as they want.

lilacpink Tue 28-Jul-09 20:17:39

OMG! I would say your PIL can take a walk and ... I normally don't say such things, but I really think they're out of order! I couldn't BF DD. but will def try with no. 2 and there is no way anyone will talk me out of it because of their own selfish views. By all means they could give a bottle of expressed milk should you wish an evening out later, but not as a matter of course because it suits them. angry IGNORE THEM!!

pigletmania Tue 28-Jul-09 20:18:20

why are they looking at your underwear in the first place, i am glad my mum or IL's are not like that, they all wholehartedly encourage bf. my mum said that i should really bf if i have a second and was quite supportive as did my mum and father in laws.

TheCrackFox Tue 28-Jul-09 20:18:24

I don't think you need to be polite.

However, you could say something along the lines of "I will be BF, but there is still alot you could do with the new baby like give him a bath or take him for a walk in his pram".

FaintlyMacabre Tue 28-Jul-09 20:20:51

They hoped you would bottle feed your child just so they could give a bottle ???!!! Presumably these feeds would be few and far between anyway- I don't imagine they'll be coming round to make help make up bottles at 3am.
And they examined your bras in enough detail to work out that they were feeding bras?

I don't think that you're the one that needs to be polite here.

moondog Tue 28-Jul-09 20:23:53

They sound like raving fucking lunatics.
I can't believe you are even considering their sentiments for asecond.

PrammyMammy Tue 28-Jul-09 20:24:26

When ds was little, his mum wanted to let him suckle her because she felt so sad that she would never get to feed him. I was quite rude in my response to that and since then have tried to keep the peace iykwim? But i was left speechless today because i didn't know how to respond without getting her back up. Now im racking my brains for things i could have said (just in case there is a next time lol)
Thecrackfox, that sounds perfect, can't go wrong with that i don't think!

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Tue 28-Jul-09 20:24:58

And don't worry about looking like a bad DIL. They are being entirely unreasonable. Make sure your DP supports you because it's easy to feel vulnerable when you are being judged.

My MIL told me when DS1 was 9 weeks old and suffering colic that my 'breastmilk was making him ill' and it was time to get him on the bottle. He was a baby who needed to be fed all the time and she was desperate to hold him, and rarely got the chance because he was screaming. She told me I was using him as a 'security blanket' by holding him all the time angry

TheCrackFox Tue 28-Jul-09 20:26:24

PrammyMammy shock

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Tue 28-Jul-09 20:26:58

Your mil wanted your baby to suckle her breast shock

Please don't be polite. She needs to learn some boundaries.

PrammyMammy Tue 28-Jul-09 20:27:02

Actually FaintlyMacabre, now that you mention it.. one of them much have got pretty close to them to have noticed. They are pretty plain numbers, the only difference is the clips. Argh.

AnarchyAunt Tue 28-Jul-09 20:28:07

OMG that is just wrong shock

Ignore them. Be rude if thats what it takes.

JackBauer Tue 28-Jul-09 20:29:31

I agree with moondog.

PrammyMammy Tue 28-Jul-09 20:29:53

If i'm not polite she starts crying and causes friction until she's calmed down, so it is much easier to try that to just tell her where to go.

nickytwotimes Tue 28-Jul-09 20:30:02

They sound crazy.
Why the hell do they need to feed the baby anyway?
Nosy buggers.
Aas for the suckling...flippin' 'eck

moondog Tue 28-Jul-09 20:30:03

PM, you MIL has some serious issues gonig on there. hmm

nickytwotimes Tue 28-Jul-09 20:31:12

She starts crying?
Is she mentally ill?
<seriously, this is abnormal>

JackBauer Tue 28-Jul-09 20:31:18

I don't think there is much you can do to stop her thinking you are the DIL from hell.

Even though plainly you are not and she is a fucking fruitloop.

SarfEast Tue 28-Jul-09 20:31:50

I think some kind of restraining order could be in order.

How outrageous that they rifled through your underwear. I am stunned.

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Tue 28-Jul-09 20:32:36

What does your DP do/say about all of this?

AnarchyAunt Tue 28-Jul-09 20:33:11

Actually, I gotta say I'd just say what I needed to even if it made her cry. Hopefully she'd stop coming round after a while.

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