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Please can you help re-assure my DH about my choice to BF DD until she is 1.

(14 Posts)
columbosmac Tue 21-Jul-09 06:12:13

Please can you help re-assure my DH about my choice to BF DD until she is 1. She is currently 10.5 months.

We live in France where BFing past 6 months does not seem common and if this happens it is often mixed feeding.
For example at 9 months DN was bf in the day and had a bottle of milk and cereal at night.
Follow-on milk is also the norm.

We discussed whether to go to formula when she was 6 months and decided not to, he said he was happy with whatever I decided as I was the one doing the feeding. Now he doesn’t seem so happy about it and I think it may be because other people have been giving him helpful advice. hmm
I know he just wants what is best for our DD so I hope you can help me reassure him that what I am doing is okay.

These are his worries;

That she will be/is clingy. She is actually very sociable and happy to go to other family members and even complete strangers, but of course I am her main focus as I am the main carer.

That if we gave her a night bottle of milk and cereal she would sleep through. She can and has slept through. If she wakes in the night she is easily settled with a BF, though at the moment I can tell it is more comfort than for food.

That because she doesn’t sleep through her temperament and motor development are affected. She is a happy and very alert baby. She only just started crawling but has been standing and walking with help for a while. She never went through the roll round the room phase.

I would like to say I do not think there is anything wrong with our child. If you can also explain other benefits that would help too.

Thanks.

bramblebooks Tue 21-Jul-09 07:10:24

My boys both bf until they were 18 months, they are both bright, happy, healthy well adjusted children (12 & 9). They got to the point where they were down to just a morning and a last thing at night settling feed and took water or organic milk during the day (over 12 months). They also had supper before their evening bf.

Follow your instincts. bf is such a precious time and has so many health benefits.

artifarti Tue 21-Jul-09 07:31:35

My DS is the same age as your DD. He has just gone down to a morning and evening feed. He is incredibly affectionate but absolutely not clingy at all. Most babies will always gravitate towards mummy but I think that's regardless of feeding methods. If DS is poorly or scared etc. it's me he wants, but I don't think it's anything to do with my boobs!

Re: sleeping through. Plenty of BF babies this age sleep through; plenty of FF ones don't. You only have to browse MN to see that an awful lot of babies aren't sleeping through properly at this age. But I have never heard of lack of sleep affecting development. Babies will naturally get as much sleep as they need - if they wake during the night, they will catch up during the day etc. As you say, it sounds like your little girl is doing fine developmentally. I didn't sleep through until I was 4 and I am very sociable, clever and charming. grin wink

Have you looked at the kellymom website? Lots of lists of benefits on there.

10.5 months - you are only 6 or 7 weeks away from 1 yr anyway. There seems little point, unless you want to, in going to the trouble of getting her take a bottle or getting enough formula down her via a cup (my DS refuses both) Hang on in there!

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Tue 21-Jul-09 07:34:48

I have just stopped breastfeeding my DD she's 17 months. I felt it was the right time as she was only feeding once a day and was losing interest. I also felt that I had had enough. She is a lovely little soul and I feel she has really benefited from being fed for this long.
If you feel you still want to breastfeed, do it. You will know when the time is right to stop for you and your DD. Don't be influenced by other people.
Oh and for the record, bottle of milk before bed does not = sleeping through the night!!!
I made the mistake of thinking this with my DS and it's not true! They sleep through when they're ready and settling with a BF is much less hastle than getting a bottle of milk!

missfitt Tue 21-Jul-09 07:41:43

hopefully lots more support with come soon.

can you find a way to remind him that early weaning from the breast puts her at a higher risk of a range of communicable diseases and also means the ones she will inevitably have are likely to be more severe than if she were not feeding, leading to more distress for your dd and more stress for you to look after her.

at the toddler stage, breast milk is even higher in antibodies compared to 'baby' breastmilk which makes sense as they come into contact with more people (esp other snotty toddlers) and more germs.

maybe these two links will inform him further?

why on earth?

comfort vs nutrition

columbosmac Tue 21-Jul-09 07:49:30

I am 100 percent happy with my choice and can see the lack of logic in dh's pov. But it must be hard for him to have people say 'why not do this or that' and for me to not want to follow that suggestion.

LeonieSoSleepy Tue 21-Jul-09 07:49:45

Message withdrawn

columbosmac Tue 21-Jul-09 07:53:50

Arti - the ease of bfing is a big bonus for me. Free, no washing up and you never forget them when you in out.

columbosmac Tue 21-Jul-09 07:58:55

Leonie - i know it is a load of tosh. Dh just spent time with friends whose 8mo is doing more than dd at the same age. She has milk and cereal in a might bottle and sleeps through so he just joined the dots. Tis v frustrating.

columbosmac Tue 21-Jul-09 08:01:36

Leonie - i know it is a load of tosh. Dh just spent time with friends whose 8mo is doing more than dd at the same age. She has milk and cereal in a might bottle and sleeps through so he just joined the dots. Tis v frustrating.

tiktok Tue 21-Jul-09 08:28:42

columbosmac - to be honest, I'd be more concerned about his comparison with another baby, and finding something 'delayed' and disappointing in his own, than the naive ideas he's shared with you about 'needing' to stop at a year and to introduce cereal in a bottle

The stopping-bf-and-cereal-in-a-bottle thing is easily countered with common sense and some knowledge of health and development (in the UK, by the way, cereal in a bottle is regarded as not only dangerous, but also very unhealthy and a factor in obesity).

But the 'look at what X's baby is doing now, and ours was not doing this two months ago at the same age' is (sorry) oppressive.

Babies do not develop all at the same rate. They develop different skills - motor skills, cognitive skills, social skills - in a non-linear way, and child A may be 'ahead' of child B in one, and 'behind' child B in another.

A child does not need to come off breastfeeding and have cereal in a bottle in order to develop their potential, do they?

Miamla Tue 21-Jul-09 09:11:45

hiya, just thought i'd pop on with my 2p worth

DS is 11.5 months and slept through for the first time last Sunday grin
He is bf (but recently night weaned), he has numerous bf during the day and early evening before bed. We're already on 3 (i think) and he's only been up since 6.30. Last night he woke up twice (but went back to sleep without a cuddle or bf) and a few weeks ago this would have been a really good night.
He will take ebm but only if he really has to smile Oh and he's never had formula
As for sleep affecting development? absolute rubbish from my experience! He took his first steps at 9mths and i've realised this morning that i haven't seen him crawling for a week now. Walking is definitely his preferred way to move!

What tiktok says about them developing in a non-linear way is so true. A friend's DS of exactly the same age has grasped quite a few words whereas mine is still on mama and dada. Another friend's DS is 5 weeks older, has no words, has only just started rolling and he's formula fed. (bf was stopped at 6mths)

i plan to bf DS until he doesn't want to anymore. i've had a few hmm from people but i'm fortunate in that my DP supports me

hth

Builde Tue 21-Jul-09 09:27:31

I fed both of mine for a year and I would not say it has had any character effect at all.

The older one is cautious and introverted. The younger one is outgoing and adventurous. I can't believe it has anything to do with feeding choices.

I stopped feeing them in the night at about 9 months so BF didn't interfere with sex life/sleep.

With swine flue around, I would say that BF is more important than ever. However, it would be good if the baby could take a cup/bottle as well incase you go down with it.

Some of my friends started bottle feeding to get their babies to sleep through and the babies are still non-sleepers at over a year old. So, bottle-feeding doesn't always help sleep.

columbosmac Tue 21-Jul-09 19:20:31

Thanks for all the replies.

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