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Did I do the wrong thing?

(11 Posts)
goingnowherefast Tue 23-Jun-09 09:30:32

I'm passionate about bf and wanting to help women who are struggling, so I'm doing a peer supporter course. Anyway, my friend who lives far away is heavily pregnant and I don't think I've told her about the course. I emailed her the other day - about something else - and added in "I don't know if you're planning to breastfeed, but I just wanted to let you know I'm training to be a peer supporter at the moment, and wanted to offer my services if they are needed!" I am now worrying and wondering if I should have sent that. Do you think it's putting her under pressure? I'm so worried about being seen as the "breastfeeding mafia" or similar after all these articles lately; I just wanted her to know she can contact me if she needs to.

tiktok Tue 23-Jun-09 09:33:07

That sounds a nice friendly offer, GNF, if she needs it. Not pressurising at all!

ByThePowerOfGreyskull Tue 23-Jun-09 09:35:04

think that sounds great, I would have loved to have a friend to talk to instead of a bullying midwife, we made it work in the end but would have been better I am sure if I trusted the person I was talking to. smile

jeee Tue 23-Jun-09 09:39:12

I think your email sounds lovely, but don't be offended if she doesn't take it up, even if she breastfeeds. I wouldn't want a friend to be a peer supporter, because it would increase the pressure on me, IYSWIM. But your email doesn't sound at all pressurising, just a kind offer.

becaroo Tue 23-Jun-09 09:43:01

....I would have LOVED a friend to talk to when I was trying to bf my ds2!!!!! I dont think she will be offended.

goingnowherefast Tue 23-Jun-09 09:46:18

Thankyou all. I won't say any more about it but if she wants to contact me she knows the offer is there. I'm relieved to know it probably won't have upset her! I know I made a mistake with a friend before, trying to almost recommend a style of parenting that really wasn't for her (though she did ask me for tips - bet she regretted that one!) and I'm conscious now that I don't want to seem too full on.

Hulan Tue 23-Jun-09 10:01:40

Hi GNF. I think that your email sounds lovely. And was actually wondering if you would be willing to help me? I'm currently 26+6 weeks pregnant with DS2 and am petrified that I'm going to get it as wrong as I did with DS1. Would you be willing to help me please?

CherryChoc Tue 23-Jun-09 10:50:20

When I was 8 months pg I gave away a bed on freecycle to a lovely lady who had a toddler, she said to me that if I wanted to breastfeed I could ring her at any time to chat about it, because she had found it more difficult than she expected and said she didn't know what she would have done without her sister to talk to, so she wanted to offer me that in case I didn't have anyone to chat to.

I wasn't offended in the slightest and thought it was such a lovely and generous offer I was planning to bf anyway though.

elkiedee Tue 23-Jun-09 10:58:25

Hulan, what was your experience with DS1? I got things very wrong with my DS1 and struggled but returned to exclusive breastfeeding with DS2 - now 20 weeks old.

GNF, a very kindly worded email. Though if she lives far away and she is planning to breastfeed, maybe finding out about what help she can access locally would be good as well. I would have really appreciated an email like yours but the most critical moments for us, the ones which were most difficult with both babies were in hospital, just after birth and on readmission.

Hulan Tue 23-Jun-09 11:34:50

Hi elkiedee. He didn't seem to 'fill up' on my breast milk, so I topped him up with formula until at 3 months he cried whenever I tried to breast feed. My midwife never bothered checking if were latching properly and I was so green I didn't know any better. This time though I want to do it exclusively and for much longer.

goingnowherefast Wed 24-Jun-09 13:26:40

Hi Hulan
Of course, I'd love to help you if I can I'm sorry you had a hard time bfing with ds1. I will just point out though that I am only training to be a peer supporter, and on MN there are fully fledged peer supporters, breastfeeding counsellors and everyfink! So you might find more specialist advice on here, but if I can't help you any more I would direct you to it (or the helplines). Feel free to pm me if you would like to chat, I would be more than happy

Thanks everyone else, some helpful replies. Elkiedee that's an excellent point about the local help.

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