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Think its time to stop DS2 feeding but dont think hes going to like it and feel really sad that it may all end badly :-(

(11 Posts)
Herecomesthesciencebint Tue 16-Jun-09 21:55:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoodWitchGlinda Tue 16-Jun-09 22:01:37

My DD had a fad of feeding only at night around 8-9 mths (she was BF). Eventually, I decided it was about time she was sleeping through and feeding more in the day (like a normal person - lol!) and so I pushed her through by not offering anything but water in the night. She started feeding better in the day and after about 3 or 4 nights, she was sleeping through.

It wasn't easy because she wasn't happy at being offered water! But after the first night she fed better in the day so wasn't truely hungry, so I didn't feel too guilty after that. The next couple of nights were just habit, and soon she just stopped waking and asking for feeds altogether. (Phew!)

I think you just have to shift the body clock a bit and get some good feeds in during the day instead of dribs and drabs through the night - that's no good for either of you.

idontbelieveit Tue 16-Jun-09 22:21:00

My dd1 is 3 and i think has just stopped feeding (it's been 10 days).

I think if you want a night out you should just have one. It's not like he needs the milk to survive, dd1 will always ask if I put her to bed but more often than not dh puts her down as i'm feeding dd2. She doesn't ask for "mummy milk" if dh is doing bedtime and he offers her warm cows milk if she wants a drink.

If you're not there I bet he won't miss it. I don't think you need to stop brestfeeding to have a night out, just tell him you're going out and that dh/babysitter/whoever you choose is putting him to bed and I bet he'll be ok.
Hope this helps a bitsmile

Herecomesthesciencebint Wed 17-Jun-09 13:03:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mawbroon Wed 17-Jun-09 13:16:56

I have been through similar Herecomesthesciencebint. My ds is 3.8yo and we only stopped night feeding in April, kickstarted because I was ill.

Any tinkering I have done with ds's feeding over the last 18months or so, has, up until recently, resulted in him becoming very unsettled and behaving dreadfully through the day. Interestingly enough it would occur three weeks after the cutting out day/night feeds or whichever one I was working on at the time.

Even now, he will go to sleep ok without me here, but if he wakes in the night, he is distraught. I hate the idea of him being really upset if I am out too.

We did never offer, never refuse as well. I don't remember when, maybe a year ago or so? DS thought his luck was in, and started feeding all the time which was the opposite to what I wanted to happen! It went on for a week or so, and I think he began to feel the lack of boundary and became really badly behaved and tantrummy. I went back to saying no sometimes and we were hunky dory again.

Basically, we have just felt our way along. I don't have any suggestions of sure fire ways of making things work for you, but reading How Weaning Happens might help.

I have decided that in our case, my ds still really needs it, and I am going to let him self wean. Perhaps you don't have to wean your ds completely to reach a point where things are manageable.

Good luck

LupusinaLlamasuit Wed 17-Jun-09 13:29:02

We cut out night feeds by the use of earplugs (for me) and DH with a cup of warm milk. It was hell for three days, but it worked rapidly. After some similar histrionics to those you describe, he now sleeps through, is much happier and less grumpy for it, as are we. DH goes to him most times in the night if he wakes up (rarely when he isn't ill). That's a result in my book afte years of broken nights.

I'd love to cut out some more now (such as the 2-3 feeds every morning and evening before work and all bloody day at the weekends when he is even slightly under the weather) but not quite sure how to evade/distract. No signs of stopping of his own accord at 22 months. Am happy for now but will soon be pushing the issue further.

I think the biting the bullet and making sure DH was behind the plan was the only thing that worked.

idontbelieveit Wed 17-Jun-09 19:38:04

HCTSB - no i agree you shouldn't leave him if he is likely to become distraught. I don't think that makes you a soft idiot at all smile
I'll be back with some more ideas when i've got my two to bed.

thedolly Wed 17-Jun-09 20:26:41

My DS2 is exactly the same age as yours and I've only just stopped feeding him this w/e.

We were in your situation a few months ago - I can identify with the resentment.

My advice would be to not try to do too much at once. Could you try to get on top of him having a last feed at bedtime and then staying in his own bed for the night. I know it's hard - there is nothing nicer that a little bundle coming in for a snuggle. DH just had to keep putting him back in bed ( after a quick kiss and cuddle from Mummy) and eventually it worked.

Once you've sorted that out you could set about phasing feeding out all together. We have 'daddy's milk' in our house now and we made a big deal of saying 'bye bye' to Mummy's milk.

We have lots of cuddles and spend time in bed during the day while he drifts off for a nap - I just have to make sure I have a t-shirt on smile.

HTH

Herecomesthesciencebint Wed 17-Jun-09 21:58:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thedolly Thu 18-Jun-09 09:43:06

I bet he'll love the idea of a proper bed, just make sure he can get in and out of it easily(or maybe not smile)

Keep up with the running - I'm sure that's a great way to clear your head.

idontbelieveit Thu 18-Jun-09 16:43:19

Maybe a big boy bed would help. Dd got hers just after Christmas and she loves it.
Being late home from work with no warning is a bit different as you didn't get chance to talk with him about who would be doing bedtime etc.
Someone suggested to me making a weaning book, using photos of your child when they're a baby and breastfeeding and talking about all the things babies can and can't do and showing them growing up and eating solid food etc etc then talking about growing out of breastfeeding now they're bigger. I didn't try this as dd1 has weaned at a pace i'm happy with but it seemed like a good idea.

I think tackling bedtime first is a good idea and then maybe as suggested by Dr Sears having no milk between 11pm and 6am or whatever night time rule you can start with and extending the time from there.

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