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Doesn't look at me when feeding- should I be bovvered?

(14 Posts)
norahbatty Sun 31-May-09 14:14:57

Is it "the norm" for your baby to look lovingly into your eyes whilst feeding (aged 3 months)?
Mine wont look at me even if i try to get him to...can't remember with dd if this is common. He stares at the wall or my tshirt but wont grace me with a glance!!

SE22 Sun 31-May-09 14:17:23

Mine was far too busy eating or falling asleep whilst eating etc. He is 10 months now and sometimes looks up at me.

Niecie Sun 31-May-09 14:20:56

Mine occasionally looked up at me but that usually involved them turning their heads and inadvertantly twisting my nipples so wasn't to be encouraged imo.wink

I don't think they do look at you most of the time - both mine were zonked out by bm and either in a trance or on their way to sleep most of time. Certainly that was the case at 3 mths, maybe less so by 10 mths as SE22 says.

LovelyTinOfSpam Sun 31-May-09 14:24:35

Mine squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated on the job in hand smile

Pipnik Sun 31-May-09 21:09:09

When he was little I worried that DS never looked at me whilst feeding, thought it was possibly something to do with the way I held him. I think he started looking at me at about 7-8 months and now at 10 months he even tries to talk to me with my nipple still in his mouth!!

nickytwotimes Sun 31-May-09 21:10:27

MIne never looked at me either, whether breast or bottle.

norahbatty Mon 01-Jun-09 11:45:51

Thank you for answering!

PortAndLemon Mon 01-Jun-09 11:52:06

A lot of babies avoid eye contact at close quarters for the first few months anyway, feeding or not (but will make eye contact happily when further away, so you know there isn't an eye contact problem as such).

norahbatty Mon 01-Jun-09 12:15:23

that's interesting port because im really worried about his eye contact all the time he seems to avoid it and stare at everythin g else

tiktok Mon 01-Jun-09 12:22:36

norah, babies of three months normally seek out eye contact and respond to it, and they are able to maintain a gaze...but they are also sensitive and 'control' this by looking away if they don't want to engage or they want to cease the contact (because of tiredness, feeling overwhelmed, interested in something else

If you feel your baby is avoiding eye contact generally, rather than just occasionally or as a sign to you he is tired or whatever, then, yes, I think this is worth questioning. First step would be to raise it with your HV. There are ways of assessing normal social engagement in babies, and unless your HV can be sure all is well, then I think you would be justifed in exploring further.

I think a mother's concerns about this are always worth taking seriously.

PortAndLemon Mon 01-Jun-09 12:22:46

Does he make eye contact when you're several feet away -- e.g. if he's in a bouncy chair and you're a few paces away?

DS would often kind of slide his direction of gaze past my face (gazing intently at the wall over one shoulder, then switching to look over the other shoulder, and ignoring the face in the middle) when he was up to about four and a half months. But he was happy to look at me and smile when there was a greater distance between us (and up close some other times). A poster on another board, who was qualified in this area (although I can't now remember exactly what as) said that this isn't unusual and appears to be a means of reducing stimulation when the child is feeling overstimulated as what they are looking at is the one part of their environment they can control. It's more common in babies who were premature but still pretty common in those who weren't.

DS is 4.4 now and perfectly normal, although interestingly he is still quite sensitive to sensory overload (loud noises REALLY bother him, for example).

If you are really worried about eye contact, particularly if he seems to be avoiding it all the time and never giving you any, then obviously talk to your HV or GP though.

WhereTheWildThingsWere Mon 01-Jun-09 12:25:48

Ds would always look at me whilst feeding, but dd hardly ever does and is 15mo now and still doesn't. On the rare occasions when she does she tends to get the giggles and bite mehmm.

norahbatty Mon 01-Jun-09 13:25:38

He can maintain eye contact and he does smile but this is often with a lot of effort from us and not really forthcoming from him. But he does do it & can maintain a gaze. Also can look at toys etc but often chooses to look at window etc

It really varies but it cant be cos he's tired as he sleeps the majority of the day. I am worried about him (googled autism signs ages ago & have stepped away from google now) but am just trying to take him as he is and i guess he is still tiny.

tiktok Mon 01-Jun-09 13:34:16

I agree googling won't help....all may be well, after all, and google won't help you work that out.

Sleeping 'the majority of the day' at three months is also unusual, but could also mean nothing.

But it's all relevant to a discussion with your HV.

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