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What were they thinking?

(44 Posts)
Prufrock Tue 03-May-05 22:42:20

If you were going to fly to the US, leaving behind your bf baby, would you not at least try to get her to accept liquid from something other than your boob beforehand? Not this woman

And shouldn't a one year old - even the most militant breastfeeders one year old, be taking some other fluid? I think this paints breastfeeding mothers in such a bad light - it makes it seem as though extended bf is such a limiting thing.

Gwenick Tue 03-May-05 22:44:37

It doesn't say that she HADN'T taken anything other than boob before - it just says she wouldn't take anything at that particlar time..........

mears Tue 03-May-05 22:49:34

What a lot of rubbish - how on earth could a one year old show signs of dehydration after being left probably for less than 12 hours. Sounds a bit like over anxious parents who needed to sit it out. If baby was taking food then fluids were going into baby as part of food. It does make B/F seem limiting when it certainly does not ned to be.

serenity Tue 03-May-05 22:52:16

I understand what you are saying, but how many times have people posted on here to go cold turkey on getting a baby to take milk from someone else?
I imagine the mum thought that if she wasn't around Betsy would give in. I'm surprised that she won't drink anything else from a cup, but her daughter could just be stubborn. My DD won't take milk of any description except from me, but I'm lucky she'll drink pretty much anything else from a cup.
It sounds like she's a first time mum leaving her DD for the first time. I just wish I'd been flying off to America the first time I left DS1!

emkana Tue 03-May-05 22:55:52

By one year my dd2 was still exclusively breastfed - she refused solids and hardly drank any other fluids, maybe an ounce a day, if that.
I wouldn't have tried what this woman tried, because I would have been too scared that it might not work out. But I'm with serenity as to her motives behind it. I can totally understand why she decided to fly back, too - her dd was in severe distress and needed her, what other choice did she have?
I don't know why you say it paints extended b/feeders in a bad light - okay, it might put some people off extended b/feeding, but she didn't really do anyone any harm, did she?

Twiglett Tue 03-May-05 22:59:00

yay mears 'xactly

Caligula Tue 03-May-05 22:59:53

It's a load of bollocks. Let's face it, if they were really worried about the child they'd have put her on a drip. It's just the evening standard painting breastfeeding mothers as loony-toons, who are creating mini loonytoons by doing something as unwholesome and yes, unamerican, as breastfeeding. The woman's probably a communist.

tiktok Tue 03-May-05 23:00:30

I'm with mears - dehydration? In a one year old? After 12 hours? She could have taken extra fluids in whatever food she was having. The baby was distressed at being away from mum - fair enough. The mother was distressed at hearing the baby's distress. Fair enough. The mother chose to come back home to deal with it. Fair enough.

Then she tries to get the cost of her flight back on the insurance or from the airline. And they tell her 'madam, you have to be joking.'

Understandably!

Prufrock Tue 03-May-05 23:10:53

Serenity - I can understand that the Mum thought her dd would give in if she wasn't around. But surely it would have been more sensible to be "not around" somewhere closer than 3,500 miles away?

mears Tue 03-May-05 23:35:12

Sorry I sounded a bit harsh perhaps on the extended breastfeeding front but I honestly think that if this woman's baby never took anything else but breast then she is an idiot for leaving her to go to the US. As Prufrock says she should have tried leaving her long before this trip. Sounds as though she has a demanding job and I think it is highly unlikely that she has not had to leave her for some length of period before. Sounds more like her DH couldn't handle a stroppy one year old than a breastfeeding issue to me.

JoolsToo Tue 03-May-05 23:36:23

mears

mears Tue 03-May-05 23:37:40

Reread story and she says she had never left her before. That means her partner had never looked after her on his own before. Therein lies the problem methinks.

Gwenick Tue 03-May-05 23:38:30

But mears - it DOESN'T say that the baby had NEVER taken anything but milk from the breast. We don't know that she hadn't tried to leave her before. If she has a demanding job then it's almost CERTAIN that the child will have had things other than boob for liquid before. Knowing what my (botttlfed) DS2 was like around 12 months old I remember some days (despite generally being a GOOD eater) he would't eat much, and would refuse his juice, and I'd be lucky to get even 1 or 2 bottles down him in a day - nothing wrong with him just being awkward.

If she's had to leave the kid before (because of a demanding job) surely the DH would have been used to it by now???

mears Tue 03-May-05 23:39:42

That was my assumption Gwenick but on rereading the article she says she had never left her before.

hunkermunker Tue 03-May-05 23:41:08

Dear God! That's mental.

"No choice but to go back"?!

JoolsToo Tue 03-May-05 23:42:35

I bet she was rushing back from a Yoga conference

Gwenick Tue 03-May-05 23:43:26

see what you mean mears - does say that - shame I can't find it on any other news sites - would have been interesting to read 'other' perspectives.

HM - it's interesting - lets look at it the other way round. If you knew someone who'd gone away leaving their 1yr old with their DH. The child became absolutely hysterical and unconsolable........but the mother decided not to come back - the chances are most of us on here would be calling her callous and thoughtless for not putting her child first

Chandra Tue 03-May-05 23:47:13

Someway I think that if this girl has been left to carry on with her tantrum for a few hours longer she may have drink anything that was on offer. I don't think the problem was about breastfeeding but about a child missing her mother.

hunkermunker Tue 03-May-05 23:47:28

Gwenick, I'd say things like "Why didn't her DH look after DC for a trial period first, before going abroad on a non-refundable plane ticket!" and "A bit of planning goes a long way with children."

I leave DS with DH to go to work on Sundays and Wednesday evenings (and will on Saturday evenings soon too). If he's upset while I'm at work, he has daddy and I'll be home soon.

To go abroad without any idea whether your child would mind being left to the extent of dehydration (if indeed this was the case, which I doubt) IS mental - I stand wholly by that.

Gwenick Tue 03-May-05 23:50:35

Someway I think that if this girl has been left to carry on with her tantrum for a few hours longer she may have drink anything that was on offer. I don't think the problem was about breastfeeding but about a child missing her mother.




God how I wish that was true - DS2 is not having milk at the moment due to the runs and milk was making it MUCH worse (can't spell the 'proper' term for it LOL). Since yesterday lunchtime he's had approx 6oz of liquid IN TOTAL! - despite all the coaxing the world he's refused all other liquids even though he's obviosuly feeling thirsty!! (he's 17 1/2 months!)

lockets Tue 03-May-05 23:50:46

Message withdrawn

serenity Tue 03-May-05 23:50:50

I still think she just got herself into a mess through inexperience and first time motherlyness She's overreacting, and he's a big woss obviously. I'd imagine that a lot of people have been in the same situation, it's just that they are only popping down the road to meet friends rather than going on transatlantic jaunts......hohum I can only dream
I have to agree with caligula that this has an evening standard 'spin' on it. They will never live this down, will they

Caligula Tue 03-May-05 23:51:36

I don't believe any of it. Either the father is completely incompetent (or lazy - or has some kind of underlying problem which he's expressing through BF angst ) or the ES is makin' nearly all of it up.

Chandra Tue 03-May-05 23:55:14

C'mo Gwenick, wait until she has refused drinks in 4 days, the GP told me DS was going to be OK, many Mumsneters did but I thought it was insane... well, I have to say now that they were right, some children refuse to eat/drink when they are upset, and DS was upset because of teething, he started drinking in the fifth day, he was not fine but he wasn't dehidrated, and he was not as old as your DD is.

bobbybob Wed 04-May-05 02:45:17

That puts into perspective me coming away from a coffee after a movie because apparently my ds was "really ill" according to dh. He wasn't ill and he didn't need a breastfeed - he just needed someone to tell him to pull his head in and go to sleep.

It sounds like the whole dehydration thing was for the travel insurances benefit. She would have only been paid out for a serious family illness that she had to return for. A toddler having a tantrum and dad not being able to cope doesn't count.

I am going away in June for 1 night and leaving ds with my parents in our house. However hard he cries I ain't coming back.

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