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Breast feeding , a lonely bussiness

(99 Posts)
Granuaile Thu 28-Apr-05 16:18:25

My daughter is now 6 months old and I am still breast feeding quite happily, however just wondering if anyone else has found it to be a lonely experience at times ? I became quite confident early on at feeding my dd in public but when I go to visit my in laws it is almost taboo. They have asked me to leave the room to feed on a few occasions or they leave the room and I am there for the duration on my own. Yes I have my beautiful daughter with me but, it really makes me mad that they go on like this. On one occasion when visiting my FIL in hospital ( he had his own room ) I had to leave his room and go to feed my dd in the very public reception area. I have spoken to my husband about it, and he has told them they do not have to leave every time I feed, but it hasn't made any difference. Am I the only one having this experience ??

compo Thu 28-Apr-05 16:19:50

I think if they won't let you feed in the samer room as them I wouldn't go. It is out of order

stitch Thu 28-Apr-05 16:20:26

probably not. i think its a cultural thing.
try taking a good book along with you when you go visit them. its an excuse not to spend time with them

mears Thu 28-Apr-05 16:22:17

I would refuse to leave. Don't even announce that you are goping to feed - just do it. I bet you that after a few times they will be OK about it. They probably have visions of breast being displayed. Tell them that you feel so lonely on your own.

Granuaile Thu 28-Apr-05 16:22:44

it is tempting but I do not want to have a big arguement, sometimes I think they are doing it so I don't get embarrassed, but I have nothing to be embarrassed about and both my husband and I have tried to tell them this, but it doesn't seem to be getting through.

stitch Thu 28-Apr-05 16:24:31

why keep trying then? go into another room, enjoy your quiet time. read a book, watch telly. chat on the phone. text. mumsnet.
why worry about it?

FLUM Thu 28-Apr-05 16:26:59

they are just old fashioned. don't worry. do you really wanna flash your baps at your father in law?

I know its not very earth mother but some peopel do find it a bit ikky. I loved breastfeeding but still find it a teeny bit ikky when people do it outside of a smallish - mumsyish situation.

mears Thu 28-Apr-05 16:27:04

Why even discuss it. Just do it. They are unlikely to tell you to stop. I think there is no need to announce that you are about to feed - that is what embarrasses people. I remember my inlaws being nrevous about it and trying not to look. Every conversation we had was with them staring at my face. However, they soon were very relaxed about it.

collision Thu 28-Apr-05 16:29:12

It is the probably the older generation and their attitudes....dont worry about it. As the others said use it as a time to do something else like watch TV or Mumsnet.

I make a cup of tea, switch on the computer and Bliss!! half an hour to myself with my lovely baby.

Mine is 6 months too......why have you not been on the Born in November thread in the post natal club section???

Granuaile Thu 28-Apr-05 16:29:39

it is a better way to look at it I suppose , to have time on my own, but it still annoys me

collision Thu 28-Apr-05 16:30:41

and it is so easy to be discreet about BFing... or are you one of those who lollops the whole thing out?? That might be what is embarrassing them!!!! hee-hee

Granuaile Thu 28-Apr-05 16:34:12

I don't make a big thing of it, just when it is feeding time I feed her. I think I do it quite discreetly, it would be embarassing to have everything on show, but hey we will get there.Haven't been on the post natal thread Collision as I am relatively new to mumsnet

collision Thu 28-Apr-05 16:45:10

Ooh, come and join us and we can chat about solids and weaning and poo and sleepless nights and all the other things we love about being Mums!

Welcome to Mumsnet. What is your babys birthdate?

Granuaile Thu 28-Apr-05 16:47:15

she was born on 25 th October

collision Thu 28-Apr-05 16:49:56

Then the October thread is for you and for babies born in October......I am sure they are a friendly bunch.

tabitha Thu 28-Apr-05 16:59:25

I think their attitude's awful and agree with compo that if they 'exclude' you in this way, then maybe you shouldn't visit them.
I have a very vivid memory of when I was about 9 or 10 visiting my grandparents and my aunt being 'banished' from the living room to breastfeed her baby. I'm sure that this is one of the reasons that I didn't breastfeed my first two children, this feeling of it being somehow 'shameful' and needing to be 'hidden away from polite company'

Granuaile Thu 28-Apr-05 17:10:04

will give the post natal group a go, cheers Collision

beansprout Thu 28-Apr-05 17:13:10

Granuaile - my ds was also born on 25th October '04!
Welcome to MN and hope to see you on the Oct "04 thread very soon.

Granuaile Thu 28-Apr-05 17:18:50

hello beansprout, should see you on october thread soon

Mud Thu 28-Apr-05 17:45:32

actually I think its quite obnoxious that if people find it discomfiting for someone to breastfeed in their presence, especially those of a different generation that the advice shold be 'do it anyway' what happened to respect?

breastfeeding mothers, and I say this as someone who has breastfed for more years than I care to remember, are not the centre of the universe.

You are doing a fabulous thing for your child, but it is simply not the same as passing her a sandwich you are exposing the concept of your breast, if not the flesh itself, and the breast has always been a private thing. Why should older people suddenly accept it in their presence.

I do not think it is the parents opinion that needs adjusting (because it is their house) I think it is the breastfeeders

I appreciate I have probably jsut opened a big can of worms but really have some respect

bundle Thu 28-Apr-05 17:46:45


Mud Thu 28-Apr-05 17:48:18

dont worry bundle I don't expect anyone here to openly agree with me, I have noticed over time that only ardent pro-breastfeeders dare to ever post on breastfeeding threads, and they shout fairly loudly

bundle Thu 28-Apr-05 17:50:17

my parents (who aren't elderly) were definitely embarrassed when i started to bf around them, but i continued (this was in my home) and i believe i have significantly changed their attitudes as a result. are you living in the dark ages? she's not offering them any milk, ffs, she's trying to feed her baby girl.

Mud Thu 28-Apr-05 17:52:06

in your house, fine its your rules

in their house, or by their hospital bed, it is their standards and social mores that apply

Mud Thu 28-Apr-05 17:53:33

you do not go into other peoples houses and od things that make them uncomfortable

I wouldn't swear in someone else's house if I knew it offended them, nor would I chew chewing gum in my parents house even though it is good for my dental health

they are not asking her to stop, they are asking her to leave the room, or leaving the room and letting her do it. they have that right

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