moral support needed please(14 Posts)
Hello,ive been reading the posts on MN for a while and really have enjoyed it,(especially the Balamory love triangle)
I'm sorry that my first post is such a long one but please bear with me.
I have three children,Arthur 4,Amelia 3 and my youngest is Stephanie 5 wks.
While i was pregnant i decided that i wanted to do things differantly with this baby as she is going to be our last, i love my other two alot but feel as if i wasn't really ready for a baby till now,if that makes any sense.
I tried breastfeeding the first two times but gave up and put them on bottles,this time i am determind to stick with it.
At first i couldn't get her to latch on properly and got sore nipples,then found it worked better if i fed her in her sling,and we were doing well.Next we got thrush her mouth my chest,it was a weekend so i phoned NHS direct who told me to take her to boots and see the pharmasist and they would give me something,they gave me Daktarin cream and told me to put a bit on a clean finger and rub round the inside of her mouth,i also put some on my chest and the thrush is completly gone.
Now the reason for this very long post is we saw the HV for the first time and although i know i'm doing fine she has knocked my confidance a bit. She actually winced when i said they gave her cream for the thrush," cream,for her mouth,only thrush is...... and putting your finger in her mouth".Then she weighed her (she was born 10lb 8oz went down to 10lb then back upto 10lb 6oz) she was 10lb 7oz having put on 1oz in nine days,she said she wasn't really worried as she was big at birth but then went on to say are you sure shes latching on ok,are you sure shes getting milk,are you sure shes not staying on too long.I didn't know i had to worry about how long she stays on for as well as everything else,also she has a feed about 12-1am sometimes later then she sleeps till about 5-6am which i think is due to her co sleeping but now i wonder if i should wake her in the night for a feed.
The HV is coming back next friday and will weigh her again to make sure shes still gaining.
I am hoping for some moral support because although i think i'm doing fine its hard when the HV just about said you must be doing something wrong,she even sat there when my baby was crying from being weighed and went on and on about her wanting a feed which my husband agrees was her basically wanting me to feed so she could check i was doing it right,i gave in and fed my baby and all the HV said after a couple of mins watching was see thats what she wanted.
Once again i'm sorry for the very,very long post,thankyou for taking the time to read it
Hi ravenfern - and first of all congratulations on your new little one (and the others as well of course!)
I'm ignorant on the thrush thing but with regard to the HV, I had similar problems with ds not gaining weight (he was born at 9lbs 7oz, went down to 9lbs 1 and then back up to 9lbs 14 where he stuck for about four weeks, putting on the grand total of half an ounce!) I got totally unnerved by ours although she was very nice. I left one session totally convinced I was making the most appalling mess of breastfeeding and about ready to give up, but we stuck with it and am very glad we did. I think that some of the hv's with the best intentions in the world assume that every babe is going to follow roughly the same pattern, and worry when they don't as they are concerned about missing a problem when for most of the time the babies are fine. Has the hv referred him for blood tests etc? If in doubt ask for a referral to a paediatrician, but if you think it is all going fine then it probably is!!
(Our ds BTW is now flourishing and has gone back up to his birth centile line so everyone is happy)
All the best, and I hope it all goes well.
Goodness me, what a vile old dragon! Take no notice. Confidence is 80% of breastfeeding IMO and having a so-called health professional knocking your confidence for no reason is just despicable - but sadly all too common. I think you are doing BRILLIANTLY - you have overcome obstacles and are showing huge determination and I think it's awful that you felt undermined like that. I would , personally, be out on Friday or just call and cancel. They can't make you have your baby weighed. And what WAS she on about about the cream? What did she mean by 'Thrush is..."? And why shouldn't you put your finger in your baby's mouth? I just don't get it.
As you say, you know you are doing fine, keep believing that. And congratulations on your bouncing baby too!
BTW I certainly wouldn't be thinking about blood tests or anything like that.
Horrible health visitor......it's not surprising you feel undermined.
Best way to increase your baby's weight gain is simply to feed more often. Stephanie's weight gain is slow - but that might be absolutely fine for Stephanie. But extra breastfeeds will not harm her in any way (and the frequency of her feeds is more important than how long she stays on - which does not correlate with the amount of milk taken).
To be honest, despite her manner, she was justified in encouraging you to feed so she could observe, but she should have been upfront about it.
You are doing great, and she shuld have recognised your confidence was fragile.
Don't know why Polina has suggested blood tests, and I don't see the need for them or what they would reveal!
ravenfern just to let you know that my hv (spit spit) told me that I would need to top my babies up as they wouldn't get enough milk from me. 14 months later..... Anyway. Don't let the horrid woman get you down. I think that you have done brilliantly. Well done for persevering. So many people would have given up when they got thrush. I've decided that some hvs are on commission from the formula companies. They rush to push us into things that we don't want rather than supporting us in the things that we do want. Long and short....... you are doing brilliantly. Most babies lose weight in the beginning and put it back on, some quickly or, like my DTs, slowly. Keep doing what you are doing. You've had 3 kids and as I'm assuming that they are all thriving you are clearly getting it right.
Im going to echo what the others are saying..dont feel bad. My HV is lovely but she also is 'worried' about my little ones lack of weight at 2 1/2 weeks old now . What I do is this...I breastfeed whenever he wants it but I wait a little (5 or 10 mins) til he really wakes or asks for it in the day and sometimes he takes half an hour but usually only 15 mins. In the night we play it totally differently. My HV says wake him every 4 hours but if he wants to sleep then I let him. I only wake him at 5 1/2 hours if he hasnt fed and then I do it in the dark, dont speak hardly at all to him and oput him right back in the ctib after and sometimes he will go another 4 hours. That way he is feeding as he wants but I know that I can sleep and he cam feed every 2 hours in the day if he wants to. Also I express a bottle and give him that once a day so I know that he is def getting one 5 oz feed.
You keep doing what your instincts say and I'll bet that is exactly what your little one needs...promise!
don't feel bad - esp as to the thrush... when I had it with dd2 - we were prescribed drops for dd2 but the GP said if they don't do the drops anymore to get the daktarin gel for me to put on my nipples after reach feed and to put in dd2's mouth... so you did the right thing there.
If your babe seems content and happy and is gaining any weight then you are doing fine. If she continues to sit like she did last time - stand up and thank her for coming and start making to the door to see her off.... tell her you need to go and feed you baby and you don't want to keep her.
You don't have to see the HV or have her visit you. You can ask them not to come. I don't see the equivalent of a HV here in Aus and just have dd2 checked when we go and get her jabs at the GP's.
Hi Ravenfern. My DD is now 7 weeks old. At her weigh-in at 5 weeks she had put on very little and i felt a bit demoralised. The HV was fine about it. I didn't get DD weighed at 6 weeks as she seemed fine to me and I didn't want my confidence to be knocked, so I thought i'd weigh her at 7 weeks and then the gain will seem a bit more substantial. She'd put on 340 g (11 oz) over 2 weeks so that cheered me up. She's a sleepy baby and waking her up often to feed her is largely a waste of time, she won't feed and just falls back asleep. She sleeps in our bed so I can feel her easily when she's awake and feed her. Last night it was at 1.30, 4.30, 7.30 and again at 8.30, so it works this way for us. She feeds for 5-10 minutes at a time, rarely goes on for 15-20. Her latch isn't very good either and I took her to 3 breastfeeding groups to get help on how to do it - she slept right through them! Good luck and keep going.
just one question, were the same scales used at the last weight check as this one? They can be a bit unreliable even if calibrated as its such small differences they are talking about. I agree with the others tho, go with your instincts, you are doing REALLY WELL to be giving it a go, especially after the difficulties with thrush etc. No doubt the HV means well but I think they forget how emotive breast feeding is and how easily we feel demoralised or criticised. Be proud of yourself and dont get anxious about numbers, if baby looks happy and healthy then feel reassured.
You are doing fantastically. Are there any bfeeding groups in your area?
Thanks everybody for your support,i am feeling alot more confident now and more able to standup for myself.
The HV isn't coming tomorrow,i put her off because my husband and little boy have a bug so i just don't have time for her.
The last time she came she half filled in something called a family assesment and said it would tell them how often we might need a HV to come,she has to come back apparently to finish filling it in and to weigh ellaphie (pet name for Stephanie) if i have anything to do with it it will be her last visit.
The time before last that she was weighed it was on my midwifes sling and hook type scales.My midwife is a lovely woman always made time to listern even though she is so over worked,the midwives at our doctors cover two practices and at the other one they usually have 20 or so pregnant women at a time,while i pregnant they had around 70.Anyway my midwife was on the labour ward when ellaphie was born and picked her up straight away,she guessed her weight to be 10lb something,when they weighed her she was 9lb something on the electric scales but my midwife said she weighed babies every day and just didn't believe she was a whole lb off.She went to her car and fetched her scales and she actually weighed 10lb 8oz.I am more inclined to believe the sling and hook type scale of my midwifes then a push a button and weigh a screaming, wriggling baby, electric kind.
Anyway ellaphie is still eating lots and i offer her food when ever she wakes up which is more and more as she like to hold conversation,well i talk and she smiles but shes a happy healthy baby and thats what i care about,not conforming to the HV charts.
raven, sorry to offend your m/w, but the sling and hook scales are really not accurate....operator error with electronic scales has also led to errors.
I think the facts are you don't know what your dd is 'supposed' to weigh, as you don't have an accurate base line! But that doesn't matter one little bit if she's healthy, happy, thriving and looking like she's supposed to look You're an experienced mum, and you already know what this looks like.
Sorry ionesmum i forgot to say yes there is sure start wich amongst other things have a breast feeding group but i am lucky in that we live with my mum and she breastfed 6 out of the 9 of us,i have 4 sisters and 4 brothers,so if i have a problem i can just ask.
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